MichaelLortz.com/JordiScrubbings.com

Ah, 2006. I barely had a chance to know ye. Our time was fleeting, as all the years have been. You brought us joy, you brought us pain, you brought us all we could fit into 365 days. But now your time is coming to a close. The champagne is being chilled and 2007 is nipping at our heels. So farewell, dear ’06. Although short lived, our time together has been, in the words of Grand Moff Tarkin, “charming to the last.”

Of course, as the year comes to a close, numerous sites across these Internets will inundate us with highlights, lowlights, and things you just didn’t care to remember about 2006. Here at The Serious Tip I am going to give you something different. Something a little more risky. Something you can hold me to. I am going to attempt to predict the future – what will happen in 2007. Of course, to make it both more interesting and ambiguous, my predictions will be in haiku verse.

Two thousand seven
The year in sports I will tell
More right than Swami

The great annoyance
T.O. barks loudly often
Yet his bite is weak

Big Mac sits at home
Cooperstown does not appear
on caller I.D.

NFL Network
No more games without viewers
Failed experiment

With South Beach title
Big Aristotle walks away
For Kazaam part two

Soccer dad loses grip
Goalie did not let son score
Yet dad shoots no one

Isiah the Bad
Less terrible than ’06
Dolan says coach on

Sadaharu Oh
Home run champ forever
Bonds/ Aaron feud scars hits

Britney like friend Paris
Oops I see a star player
Dating a pop star

Zito the Great
Overshadowed by Barry’s head
Wins equal losses

Clemens, Favre retire
Become pitchmen on TV
Won’t they go away?

Hockey on Versus
The ratings microscopic
Soon goals on the Deuce

There you are. Some of the highlights of 2007 before they happen. When the twilight of ’07 arrives feel free to put my feet to the fire. Will I be correct? Am I a modern-day Nostradamus? Or could an Us Weekly-reading housewife out-predict me?

Before I take off and call it quits for the year, I’d like to share this:

Another year lingers to an end;
Heaven sends a bitter frost.
Fallen leaves cover the mountain
And there are no travelers to cast shadows on the path.
Endless night: dried leaves burn slowly on the hearth.
Occasionally, the sound of freezing rain.
Dizzy, I try to recall the past-
Nothing here but dreams.
– Ryokan (1758?-1831)

See you in ’07.

- Jordi

Hola. Hope all enjoyed their holiday festivities. For being a good little boy Santa brought me the ’86 Mets World Series DVD set, the Best of Baseball Digest, Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink, and a shot glass checkers set. So needless to say I did well.

Now on to more serious issues …

Apparently ESPN The Weekend 2007 is nearly upon us. Featuring numerous athletes, media personalities, and Disney characters, the event showcases all that is powerful and successful in the Disney Empire. Needless to say, you probably won’t see 11 drunken midgets dressed like Pinocchio using their ESPN Mobile phones.

But besides the blatant cross-merchandising commercialism, what really tweaks my melon is ESPN’s newest commercial in which Karl Ravech asks Disney’s Chip and Dale if they like to work the double team. Very, very disturbing. I know “double team” should refer to a defensive scheme, but I can’t help feeling the World Wide Leader purposefully made a commercial ripe with sexual innuendo.

(Imagine for a moment: two lovely, spritely little chipmunks frolicking in a meadow with young nubile nymphet, giving each other high fives and pumping fists as they run a tag-team with proficiency not seen since the days of Davey Boy Smith and the Dynamite Kid.)

Surprised the Disney Corporation would have Karl Ravech ask a question with such blatant erotic undertones? Don’t be. Sometimes the Happiest Place on Earth has given us some really pornographic ideas. Here is some history (all information courtesy of snopes.com):

– In 1977, Disney animators inserted “the objectionable image” of a topless woman in the background of The Rescuers. The image was later removed in the video version of the film.

– The promotional artwork on the videocassette case of The Little Mermaid features a castle spire eerily resembling a penis.

– A dust cloud in The Lion King conveniently spells “S-E-X”.

– The animators of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? supposedly drew in Jessica Rabbit sans undergarmets.

Hopefully I am the only ESPN viewer whose mind immediately drifts towards the perverted when two small rodents are asked about their two-on-one tendencies. But I doubt it. And yes, the above image above depicts Chip and Dale trying to bust a nut. Pervert.

As you might have noticed, it’s the holiday season here at The Serious Tip. We’ve done some redecorating, decked the halls, etc. But before we go over the hills and through the woods for a few days, I’ve decided to list a few sports-related movies, books, and wishes I wouldn’t mind getting from family, friends, loyal readers, local prostitutes, incarcerated pen pals, cyberstalkers, or any other concerned parties.

Movies

Cobb – One of my favorite baseball movies. Very underrated and underappreciated Tommy Lee Jones performance. Defines greatness. Taped it off of a movie channel years ago and it’s time to get the DVD.

Soul of the Game – A solid baseball movie made by HBO some years back. Describes the struggles and conflicts of Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson, and Jackie Robinson. Stars Blair Underwood, Mykelti Williamson, Delroy Lindo, and R. Lee Ermey.

Ali – Even though Muhammad Ali did not invent rap, he had a pretty decent boxing career. By the way, is it just me or does Will Smith look a lot like a young Jesse Jackson in his new movie? If they ever make The Jesse Jackson Story I wouldn’t be surprised if The Fresh Prince gets the lead role.

The New York Mets 1986 World Series Collectors Edition Box Set – Thanks to Yadier Molina, this is the closest I am going to get to watching a Mets championship until October 2007.

Books

John Starks: My Life – Starks was my favorite Knick back in the days when Ewing was in his prime, Oakley elbows were legal, and Anthony Mason’s hair designs had more slogans than Times Square.

Paddy on the Hardwood – I am real eclectic when it comes to what I read. One week I’ll read a book on hunger in America in the 1960s, the next week I might read about Buddhism, and the third week I might be into a book on Southern Rock. So I really enjoy when a book is able to combine more than one interest. Phil Jackson’s Sacred Hoops did that to an extent, merging Western philosophy with basketball. From the reviews I have read, Rus Bradburd’s Paddy on the Hardwood does the same, combining Bradburd’s distinguished abilities as a coach with his growing interest in Irish fiddle playing. I’d like to thank HoopsAddict for alerting me to this book. They have a real good write up about it and a Podcast here.

The Worst Team Money Can Buy – Ah, the glory days of New York Mets futilty. A pure, blissful time of overpaid homecomings, bleach-loaded supersoakers, and flying M-80s. This book tells the tale of a Mets organization convinced it could buy a championship long before it was in vogue in the Bronx.

The Best of Baseball Digest – I can’t say enough about Baseball Digest. I’ve subscribed to the magazine for over 20 years. I think I missed maybe one issue. The only magazine I put down everything else I am reading to read cover to cover. This is its “best of” since it started back in the 1940s.

Miscellaneous Wishes

- For Isiah Thomas to find other employment away from the New York Knicks.

- For the next Florida State offensive coordinator to instinctively know running plays on 3rd and long usually don’t work.

- For Florida State forward Al Thorton to be drafted by the Knicks in the 2007 NBA draft.

- For a date with whoever wins Playmate of the Year 2007. Kinda rooting for Sara Jean Underwood personally.

- For a Met pitcher to throw a no-hitter this year. Or any year.

- For Terrell Owens to find an attention-obsessive woman who fakes suicide to keep him with her.

- For the Man to quit holding people down.

- For everyone to have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, safe and joyful Hajj and Eid Al-Adha, Happy Winter Solstice, or whatever it is you do this time of year.

As thanks for swinging by, here are two holiday web sites for your enjoyment. And don’t ever say I don’t do anything for my readers.

Penguin Baseball: hours, or minutes if you prefer, of enjoyment. My personal record is 320.2.

Santa Claus Exposed: slave labor, tax evasion, reindeer on steroids, breaking and entering – come to think of it, looks like Santa and Barry Bonds have a few things in common.

Happy Holidays.

- Jordi

First of all, don’t die.

Second, be the first on your block to represent. Make a customized Iverson Nuggets jersey here.

(Big question: Will Iverson wear number three with the Nuggets? Currently, that’s DerMarr Johnson‘s number. How much A.I. pay? Will he buy DerMarr a Rolex or a Lexus? Or will he find new digits to signify his new start?)

Third, buy Nuggets tickets. I don’t need to explain this.

Fourth, create a commemorative placard for Ivan McFarlin‘s spot on the Nuggets’ bench. He should be missed.

Fifth, invest in an air tank for Mr. Iverson. I don’t think anyone has mentioned this yet, but the thin air in Denver is going to get A.I. tired quick for the first few weeks. Especially if the Nuggets try to run like gangbusters with their new star.

Sixth, buy extensive medical coverage for Marcus Camby and Nene. Your Nuggets will only go as far as your big men carry them.

Seventh, in the rare case Camby or Nene do get hurt, implore your local NBA team to sign Sun Ming Ming. I know, we have a Sun Ming Ming fetish here at The Serious Tip, but the guy is nearly 7’9″. Somebody has to box out Amare and Dirk and Yao and Tim Duncan.

Eighth, get to know your new superstar by visiting “The Official MySpace Page of Allen Iverson”.

Ninth, stop snitchin’. Especially if Mr. Iverson brings his cousin and other family with him.

Tenth, vote for Rory. Not only is no Avalanche defenseman are among the top five vote getters for Western Conference defenseman, but a vote for Rory has become a civic/patriotic duty.

- Jordi

Before I discuss Jeff Bagwell and his chances at baseball immortality …

The other night I was listening to the local jazz station and the DJ mentioned Wayman Tisdale. Wow, Wayman Tisdale? The ex-NBA player Wayman Tisdale? Did you know Tisdale has released seven jazz albums, six of which came after the conclusion of his NBA career?

Tisdale’s post-NBA career made me wonder: prior to his trade to Denver, what if Allen Iverson had decided to retire and focus on a rap career? He is only one month younger than the soon-to-be-retired Tiki Barber and Iverson’s body has probably taken a similar beating. And like Tisdale, Iverson started his recording career while still in the NBA, although “Jewels” didn’t quite make #4 on the Billboard charts like Tisdale’s “Hangtime”. But A.I. being A.I. his second musical venture would probably sell. Especially if he had some choice words for David Stern and the League. With the money he has already made he wouldn’t need to play basketball anymore, and he would have given the Sixers a big middle finger by retiring and cut them out of his trade value. These are the things I think about.

Ok, on to the main point …

Question: Would you trade 22 innings and a 1.23 ERA in 15 relief appearances for 449 HRs, 1529 RBIs, 202 SBs, and a .297 career BA in 2150 games? Sorry Red Sox fans, but those are the final totals from the Larry Andersen for Jeff Bagwell/ Red Sox-Astros trade. I know, I know, Bagwell was a third baseman in the minors and you had Wade Boggs. And you couldn’t move Bagwell to first because you had top prospects Carlos Quintana and the Immortal Sam Horn (total stats with Boston: 35 HRs and 203 RBIs in 541 games).

So did the Astros acquire a future Hall of Famer for a reliever who once wondered if Chinese people threw hot dogs at weddings? I think they did. Not to be too much of a stat geek, but if you concede 25% of Bagwell’s power numbers to the juiced ball/ expansion pitching/ BALCO era, he still ends up with over 300 HRs to go with an average of over 100 RBIs a season for 15 years. Put his career numbers with a near-Triple Crown season in 1994 and an MVP trophy and he is modern version of Hall of Famer Tony Perez. Bagwell’s durability in his prime and his continuous service to one team should also help his chances and set him apart from contemporaries with nearly identical stats. Maybe Red Sox fans can convince Bagwell to wear a Pawtucket Red Sox hat on his Hall of Fame plaque.

The Serious Tip’s Future Baseball Hall of Fame Breakdown
(active pre-1995 and not yet on ballot only):
—————————————————————-

In (1st Ballot)
Jeff Bagwell
Frank Thomas
Roger Clemens
Greg Maddux
Tom Glavine
Mike Piazza
Randy Johnson
Rickey Henderson
Ivan Rodriguez
Alex Rodriguez
Craig Biggio
Trevor Hoffman
Pedro Martinez
Manny Ramirez

On the Fence (more than one ballot if at all)
Carlos Delgado
Gary Sheffield
Chipper Jones
Jeff Kent
Barry Larkin
Jim Thome
John Franco
Juan Gonzalez
Mike Mussina
Fred McGriff

Out (Veterans Committee if at all)
Roberto Alomar
Julio Franco
Mark Grace
John Smoltz
Edgar Martinez
Bernie Williams
Moises Alou
Luis Gonzalez
Larry Walker
Andres Galarraga

- Jordi

Today I’m going to take a quick break away from the wide world of sports and discuss another interest of mine, music and music culture. Don’t worry, the sports talk will be back soon – expect an update tomorrow, if not tonight.
—————————————————————

A thought occurred to me today on my way to work – why aren’t there any hip-hop tribute groups? There are plenty of rock cover and tribute bands out there, why aren’t there any for hip-hop or rap?

Doing a cursory Internet search provided various sites of cover bands for many of rock’s premier supergroups, from Led Zeppelin to Steely Dan to The Beatles to Metallica to Guns’N'Roses. I even found a tribute band called Beatallica that combines both Metallica and the Beatles’ tunes in their performance. Wikipedia provides an pretty exhaustive list of cover bands here. But nowhere on that list are the tributes for Run DMC, the Beastie Boys, Eric B. and Rakim, the Fat Boys, N.W.A. or any other classic old school rap group. A search for “rap tribute groups” or “rap tribute bands” brings up only Frontbutt, the self-proclaimed “ultimate party band” performing rap and hip-hop hits from the 80s and 90s. Unfortunately, Frontbutt’s news page hasn’t been updated since 2004, so I have no idea if they are still active.

Now I know there are plenty of random college bands that cover various hip-hop hits or incorporate hip-hop “shout-outs” into their music. And old school rap does get a slight tribute through present-day sampling. But where are the dedicated focused tribute groups? As I often listen to the old school rap station on satellite radio, I know there are many fans of old hip-hop, fans who listen not just for the occasional hit that made the top 40, but for those MCs and DJs who back in the day had flow, social consciousness, and just flat-out better mic skills than many of the MCs today.

Perhaps I am just ahead of my time. Perhaps in 5, 10, or 20 years there will be hip-hop tribute groups. Maybe there will be an imitation Public Enemy “bringing the noize” with an MC dressed like Chuck D, a real DJ dressed and scratching like Terminator X, and yes, even a hypeman in his Flavor Flav pre-VH1 get-up. Maybe mainstream America just isn’t ready. But with hip-hop becoming more and more commercial, don’t be surprised if a few aspiring rappers come together to proudly re-perform the “good ol’ days” of an old school rap group. You never know, maybe someday a G-Unit or Wu-Tang Clan tour will feature the hip-hop Ripper Owens.

- Jordi

There is something about a good brawl that gets the fan loyalty going. Maybe it’s the togetherness of a team in combat, the us vs. them ideal, or perhaps the scrappy underdog fighting mentality. No matter the cause, a good brawl and it’s proceeding rivalry brings a team and its fans together on a deeper level. No longer are we rooting for the team to win, we are rooting for them to survive and conquer. Victory in the game becomes secondary to victory in battle. Brawls may be bad for a game’s image, but nothing beats the intensity of a good physical rivalry highlighted by a few haymakers.

Now I have had my complaints about Isiah Thomas. Honestly, I wouldn’t be more pleased if he was no longer associated with the Knicks. However, after this weekend’s throwdown between the Knicks and Nuggets, I am much more likely to pull for this team. No, I am not ending the boycott. But I do like the thought of a hardnosed fighting team that might lose every game compared to a well-behaved undefeated team.

Watching the Knicks fight the Nuggets brought back memories of brighter, more violent days when the Knicks took no guff and threw down with little hesitation – consequences be damned. Whether it was a Starks headbutt, an Oakley elbow, or a Van Gundy leg-lock – whatever it took to win. In honor of the Knicks showing some life and togetherness, The Serious Tip presents the best Knicks fights of the last 13 years.

Knicks vs. Suns, April 1993: Twenty-one players were fined and three suspended when former Knicks guard and current Celtics headcoach Doc Rivers went a round with Suns guard Kevin Johnson. And in a clip you might not see on ESPN too often, then-injured Knicks backup guard and current ESPN analyst Greg Anthony left the bench in his street clothes to join the squabble.

Knicks vs. Pacers, May 1993: The Knicks-Pacers rivalry was always like a good opening act before the Eastern Conference’s headlining Knicks-Bulls series. One year before Reggie Miller went lights out and drew the ire of Spike Lee and Knicks fans everywhere, he was the recipent of a flying headbutt by John Starks. Give credit where credit is due – it wasn’t Mike Tyson or Zidane who made the sports headbutt famous, it was John Starks.

Knicks vs. Bulls, May 1994: Although the Knicks and Bulls engaged in possibly the most intense NBA rivalry of the mid-90s, only once did they come to blows. During the game better known as “The Game Scottie Pippen Sat Out”, Derek Harper and Bulls guard JoJo English duked it out at the top of the key. Although only Harper and English were involved, the fight eventually spilled into the stands right in front of Commissioner/Fuhrer David Stern. (Ranked 4th in a pre-Artest melee SportCenter Top Ten here).

Knicks vs. Heat, May 1997: With the Indiana Pacers sliding from playoff significance, the Knicks found a new opening round rival in former coach Pat Riley and the Miami Heat. While none of these games could ever be confused with the recent high-scoring Suns-Nets game, they made for great entertainment in their own plodding, tight defensive ways.

Of all the Knicks-Heat skirmishes, perhaps none was more intense than Game 5 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals. With the Knicks down by nearly 20 points and the game winding down, Charlie Ward attempted to box out Heat forward P.J. Brown after a free-throw. Angered by what Heat fans refer to as an “undercut”, Brown picked up Ward and flipped him to the ground. Conveniently, as the referees stood in front of the Heat bench preventing the Miami team from joining the ruckus, the Knicks players came to the aid of their fallen comrade. Consequently, every Knicks player who left the bench was suspended, costing the Knicks the following game and eventually the series.

Knicks vs. Heat, May 1998: In Round 2 of the Heat-Knicks War, former Charlotte Hornet teammates Larry Johnson and the Alonzo Mourning threw down in Game 4 of the first round of the Eastern Conference playoffs. Yes, this was the game former Knicks coach Jeff Van Gundy clung to Mourning’s leg like a pitbull. In what a Knicks fan can only call poetic justice, Mourning was forced to sit out the deciding Game 5 and the Knicks defeated the Heat and moved on to face the Indiana Pacers. (Ranked Number One in the SportsCenter Top Ten here.)

Knicks vs. Lakers, April 2000: Although I never had much positive to say about Chris Childs (I thought Charlie Ward was clearly better), I disliked him a little less when he exchanged fisticuffs with Kobe Bryant. First a headbutt (a Knicks tradition), then a right, then a left – word to the wise, never mess with a sober Chris Childs.

Knicks vs. Spurs, January 2001: After a physical game of elbows and jostling for position, Marcus Camby attempted to take his anger out on Spurs forward Danny Ferry. Unfortunately, this is the most embarrassing of the Knicks battles as Camby not only tried to sucker punch Ferry, but as Jeff Van Gundy stepped between the two players, Camby’s punch missed and he inadvertently headbutted Van Gundy, cutting open the coach’s face and requiring numerous stitches. (Ranked Number 2 in the aforementioned SportsCenter Top Ten here). No wonder Camby wasn’t a factor in the recent fracas, he might have knocked out Carmelo Anthony.

Knicks vs. Bulls, January 2006 – In a game that can only be described as eventful, Maurice Taylor and Chicago’s Chris Duhon mixed it up and Antonio Davis went into the stands to the defense of his wife. Not at the same time of course.

(Interesting side note: A few years ago I attended an FSU-Duke game back when Chris Duhon was playing for the Blue Devils. Through a connection I was able to get seats three rows from the Duke bench in the Duke family section. Great seats. So my friend Zheke and I are sitting there cheering on the Seminoles and Chris Duhon’s mother turns around and yells at us for sitting where we were and not rooting for Duke. We tried to explain that we weren’t bad-mouthing the Blue Devils or her son, we were just rooting for Florida State. Apparently this wasn’t good enough for Ms. Duhon. Whatever, lady. Needless to say I am a little biased against Chris Duhon. But I digress.)

So that brings us to this weekend and the first NBA brawl since Ron Artest took on Detroit Rock City. Although the pundits, analysts (including the aforementioned Greg Anthony), and prognosticators may all bemoan the return of pugilism to the basketball hardwood, for Knicks fans it’s just like old times.

- Jordi

The names read like a who’s who of the NBA: Allen Iverson, Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash, Ray Allen, Stephon Marbury, Marcus Camby, Peja Stojakovic, Jermaine O’Neal. All were drafted in 1996. All blossomed into NBA stars. So far only the 2003 NBA Draft has shown the potential to compare with the 1996 Draft as one of the deepest and most game-changing drafts in recent NBA history. Together with Antoine Walker, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, and Shareef Abdur-Rahim, the Class of ’96 has totalled three NBA MVP Awards, nine All-NBA First Team Selections, and 41 All-Star appearances.

It was the draft that would replace Michael. It was the draft that showed Kevin Garnett wasn’t the only high schooler who could ball. It was the draft that brought the Hip-Hop Generation to the NBA. It was also the draft that brought us players involved in some of the dumbest trades in recent NBA history. In honor of the impending give-away of Allen Iverson, let’s take a look back at six of the more lopsided trades involving the Class of 1996.

Kobe Bryant, Draft Night 1996: The Charlotte Hornets traded Bryant, the 13th pick, to the Lakers for Vlade Divac. Although Divac would play two semi-productive seasons in Charlotte before moving on to Sacramento, the Lakers received a starting shooting guard and future Hall of Famer in the son of Joe “Jelly Bean” Bryant. Imagine for a moment if Charlotte kept Kobe, perhaps the Hornets would have stayed in Charlotte, Shaq and Phil Jackson might not have won in LA, and the Bobcats might not be in existance.

Jermaine O’Neal, September 1, 2000: Frustrated that a high school center/power forward couldn’t dominate the NBA after four years, the Portland Trail Blazers trade O’Neal to Indiana for Dale Davis. Arguably a decent move at the time, by acquiring the second best O’Neal in the NBA, the Pacers got a All-Star, team leader, and tag-team partner for Ron Artest.

Marcus Camby, June 26, 2002: Having found his way on to the New York Knicks, Marcus Camby was traded along with Nene Hilario and Mark Jackson to the Denver Nuggets for Antonio McDyess and Frank Williams. In possibly the worst Knicks trade not done by Isiah Thomas, McDyess would do a whole lot of nothing with the Knicks while Camby and Nene, when healthy, had pretty good seasons for the Nuggets.

Ray Allen, February 20, 2003: The Milwaukee Bucks traded Allen, Kevin Ollie, Flip Murray and a draft pick that would become Luke Ridnour to the Sonics for Gary Payton and Desmond Mason. Payton would play only a half season with the Bucks before signing with LA, leaving Mason the only player the Bucks received for the Sonics’ current starting backcourt. And Mason was eventually traded for Scarborough Walk of Fame inductee Jamaal Magloire.

Stephon Marbury, January 5, 2004: In another trade involving the Knicks, the Phoenix Suns shipped Marbury, Penny Hardaway, and Cezary Trybanski to New York for Howard Eisley, Charlie Ward, Antonio McDyess, Maciej Lampe, draft rights to Milos Vujanic, a first-round 2004 draft choice, and an additional future first-round draft choice. Although not a bad trade for the Knicks, the Zeke and Starbury hype machine quickly became the most overrated since the Dan and Dave Olympic quest.

Shareef Abdur-Rahim, August 4-9, 2005: Shareef Adbur-Rahim, then with the Portland Trailblazers, was traded and then not traded to the New Jersey Nets for the Nets’ 1st round pick in the 2006 draft. After almost being complete, the trade was rescinded when Abdur-Rahim failed a physical. Curiously, Abdur-Rahim didn’t help his chances of playing in NJ when he stated “I don’t feel I want to be a Net.” Personally, I don’t feel like going to work everyday, but I do.

Can the history of the Class of 1996 predict where Allen Iverson will go? With the past as our guide, my guess is Allen Iverson will be traded for Dodge City Legend 7’9″ giant Sun Ming Ming, and a $24 bag of trinkets and beads. Hey, at least the Sixers would get a center in exchange for their Manhattan Island.

- Jordi

575 days.

We are now 1/4 way through the 2006-2007 NBA season and I need to make a confession.
I haven’t watched the Knicks play in 575 days.

Despite still following the team and considering myself a Knicks fan, I stopped rooting for them approximately a year and a half ago. Please understand. I know as of this writing the Knicks are 8-14 and only a 1/2 game out of first place. I also know Eddy Curry has been on a tear lately and Renaldo Balkman is a pleasant surprise in the making. I just could not in good faith pledge my alligence to the New York Knicks anymore.

So what has caused me to boycott my favorite team? Do you even have to ask? Oh, dear reader, the pain of saying his name. Isiah Thomas. The name grinds through my Knicks memories like fingernails on a chalkboard. Slowly images such as John Starks dunking on Jordan and the Bulls are being wiped from my mind’s eye and replaced by Zeke’s dazzling array of has-beens or never-will-bes.

Isiah Thomas.

To think he once gave me hope. In late December 2003, nearly three years ago, former Knick general manager Scott Layden was fired, replaced by Mr. Isiah Thomas. Layden had destroyed the team I once rooted so fanatically for. Gone were Patrick Ewing, John Starks, Charles Oakley, and Anthony Mason. In were Luc Longley, Glen Rice, Felton Spencer, Howard Eisley, Shandon Anderson, Antonio McDyess’s injured knees, and Allan Houston’s 100 million dollar contract. With the arrival of Isiah, glory days were supposed to be back again.

After two weeks on the job, Isiah struck, trading Charlie Ward, my last remaining favorite Knick, as part of a deal to the Phoenix Suns for Stephon Marbury. Although it meant losing Ward, the Knicks got “Starbury” and I couldn’t be happier. I was even thinking about buying a Marbury jersey, my first jersey purchase since my Starks jersey.

Even though Isiah changed nearly the entire roster during the season, the Knicks made the 2003-2004 playoffs, albeit losing to the NJ Nets in three games. But Isiah had a plan. And I was all in.

Quickly I came to realize the emperor had no clothes. Ridiculous deals for Steve Francis, Jerome Williams, Malik Rose, etc., made me realize Isiah’s plan was no plan at all. My favorite team was a haphazard mess to be tinkered with at any time. I was heartbroken, depressed, and all those other feelings that make a man find an accoustic guitar and a bottle of whiskey and sing to the moonlit sky.

For all his mismanagement, I will give Isiah Thomas credit, he does draft well. The same guy that found Marcus Camby and Tracy McGrady for the Toronto Raptors has drafted David Lee, Channing Frye, the aforementioned Balkman, and Nate Robinson, all of which I believe will have good NBA careers. But aside from being a decent judge of talent, Isiah has not improved the Knicks one iota.

So now the boycott is at approximately 575 days and counting. I don’t care if the Knicks win a championship under Isiah Thomas. It’s the principle. Until he goes, I am not watching. I’ll tune in to the O.C., Deal or No Deal, Survivor, or some other mindless drivel. The boycott will continue.

- Jordi

“Just like Muhummad Ali they called him Cassius/
Watch me bash this beat like a skull”
- LL Cool J, “Mama Said Knock You Out”

On December 9th, ESPN will premier “Ali Rap”, a program that claims Hip-Hop/Rap music was born from the antics and proclamations of Muhammad Ali. But did Ali really influence rap music, or is ESPN merely grasping for straws in an attempt to capitalize on the attraction of one of the greatest boxers and public figures of the last 50 years?

In order to validate ESPN’s claim, it is necessary to look at the difference between Ali and African-American celebrities prior to the late 1960s. Earlier African-American boxing champions such as Jack Johnson were undoubtedly victims of an exploiting white entertainment culture. Because of segregation, African-American boxers were seen as performers no different to the average white fan than the circus strong man or the bearded lady. Only when Joe Louis fought Max Schmeling in 1938 did the American people rally behind a black champion. Louis was an American – “one of us.” For one fight, the rich and the poor, the educated and the unlearned, and the black and white were all united.

Nine years later, Jackie Robinson broke baseball’s color barrier. Being the first African-American to play in the Major Leagues, Robinson appealed to to African-American communities nationwide. Robinson’s strengths however, are the reason he is no longer as culturally relevant as Muhammad Ali, a claim made famous by ESPN columnist Scoop Jackson. Robinson’s upbringing, military service, and college education separated him from the average African American. While their civil struggle was the same, Robinson, both because of his diplomatic nature and his initial agreement with Dodgers’ owner Branch Rickey to not fight back, did not brazenly approach the social issues the way Ali would 20 years later. Agree or disagree with him, Robinson was not a threat. He was the Martin Luther King, Jr. of sports desegregation.

Although Jackie Robinson did not employ any braggadocio, to claim Muhammad Ali originated the art of “trash-talking” or “talking smack” prevalent in rap music is completely incorrect. Short staccato claims of power had existed in African-American culture long before the 1960s. Gospel, blues, and field hollers all carried the call and response, back and forth style of announcement, where a message was stated without many words being said. Blues singer Muddy Waters, for example, proclaimed he was “The Hoochie Coochie Man” and the world knew he was him, a boastful claim if there ever was. If ESPN narrowed its claim and presented the idea that Ali was the first African-American to employ these techniques in sports it might be more correct.

Where ESPN can claim Muhammad Ali influenced rap is in the role of populist hero. The idea of populist hero in rap/hip-hop culture is discussed in depth by Cutler Edwards in his thesis Kung-Fu Cowboys to Bronx B-Boys: Heroes and the Birth of Hip-Hop Culture. According to Edwards, the idea of hero was one who faced the struggle of his/her environment head-on, took on the establishment, and lived by his own moral code of justice. Edwards writes,

“the hero exhibits all those traits which a society collectively finds most appealing and desirable, and he uses those powers in the ways which it deems most appropriate. Usually this means that the hero performs acts that one feels one would not have the ability to carry out, lacking the physical strength or personal grit (or both) necessary to complete the tasks in question.”

Edwards further contends the idea of hero continuing from the cowboy of the old western movies to the kung-fu fighter of more recent cinema to the art of breakdance “battling”. By changing his name from Cassius Clay to Muhammad Ali, protesting the Vietnam War, and standing up for social justice, Muhammad Ali fit all of Edwards’s criteria and became a real-life hero to millions.

So did Muhammad Ali “invent” rap? No. Was he one of the first mainstream athletes to use the braggadocio of African-American celebrities such as Muddy Waters and Satchel Paige? Absolutely. Ali’s ability and methods fit perfectly in an age quickly immersing itself in sound bytes and 30 second attention spans. No longer would lengthy discourse and the diplomacy of Jackie Robinson or Martin Luther King, Jr. move the masses. Catchy phrases such as “I am the Greatest” were the future, directly influencing “The Revolution will not be Televised,” “Fight the Power,” and “Get Rich or Die Tryin’.”

- Jordi