MichaelLortz.com/JordiScrubbings.com

This post originally appeared on Yaysports.

(The Cavalier is no longer on an extended leave of absence. The following was not written by him, as he mercifully allowed me my one phone call.)

Hello. As this is my last post as a YAYsports substitute, I must admit there is no easy way to say good-bye. Today … today … today … I consider myself the luckiest blogger on the face of the earth … earth … earth. We laughed, we cried, we discovered the true meaning of Lakers and Clippers.

Years ago, I received a correspondence from Miami Herald writer Leonard Pitts. In his email, Mr. Pitts quoted an old saying, “Writing is not fun. Having written is”. Since I started here, I have put in many nights where I was up until 3AM, only to wake up at 6:30AM to get ready for work. But what drove me was imagining the smiles on your lovely faces as you opened up this site like a present on Christmas morning and rejoiced that I had updated with my own blend of elegant prose. You motivated me to write and write some more. And with the joy of that in mind, I will ride into the sunset like a cowboy in a spaghetti western.

But before I go, a little update on the happenings of the evening.

Game 3 is the phrase of the night. Often the first venture in a new environment, Game 3s have a way of cementing advantages or swinging momentum. Battles are fought and hopes rekindled or crushed in Game 3s. Game 3s brings the term “must-win” to the forefront, for to the survivors go the spoils.

Detroit 93, Orlando 77. For the Orlando Magic, down 2-0, there would be no celebration. Once again the Pistons proved too much for the young Magic squad, despite 27 points from Jameer Nelson. With game four in Orlando Saturday afternoon, the Magic can only play to protect their house, although I would expect the Pistons bring their brooms.

Utah 81, Houston 67. Unlike the Magic, the Jazz re-established themselves as playoff-worthy, beating back the invading Rockets and holding the Houston offense to an anemic 32.8% from the floor. Only four Rockets scored all game. Four. Two, as you would probably guess, were Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady. The other two were Shane Battier and Rafer Alston. That’s all I can say about that.

Los Angeles vs. Phoenix. As I write, the Mamba is strangling the Suns with a little assistance from Kwame and Lamar Odom. Never underestimate the power of The Mamba.

Once again, I am Jordi Scrubbings from The Serious Tip. I want to thank you for being here and thank the Cavalier for giving me the opportunity to do my thing at YAYsports. Please remember to be good to the hard-working people behind the bar and they will be good to you. And a Coke on the house to the first person who can identify the source of the title quote. I’m out. Peace.

This post originally appeared on Yaysports!.

(The Cavalier is on an extended leave of absence. The following was not written by him, although if he lived in Eastern Europe it would be Friday already.)

Before we wager on whether or not Stephen Jackson and Baron Davis will face disciplinary actions for their conduct unbecoming Wednesday night, I’d like to take a moment and discuss an earlier ill-conceived action by an NBA player. I am talking of course, about Kirk Hinrich’s fatal flying mouthpiece.

Hinrich’s flying mouthpiece cost him $25,000. 25Ks for something 1/1,000 of the price. Wow.

I know Kirk Hinrich probably makes a lot of money, but can you imagine getting fined the price of a decent new car? That would honestly take me several years to pay back. Which makes me wonder, does anyone know how NBA fines are assessed? Do players have to pay the league in lump sum? Is there a payment plan? What if the player says, “I am not playing anymore” and retires? Does he still have to pay the league? Can the team pay the fine for the player if the player doesn’t have the funds immediately available?

We assume because athletes make mad cash that a fine is chump change. Perhaps it is. Perhaps, however, like most of us, they too have bills, payments, and other financial commitments. How do you squeeze out $25,000 in unexpected payments? I am sure the Missus (if Hinrich is married) was not happy. There goes Junior’s birthday present.

I am not saying NBA fines are too harsh. No way. In the overall scheme of things, $25,000 out of a few million is a drop in the bucket. But it might be tough to pay it all in full. So if anyone knows the NBA’s payment plan, let me know. I am curious.

This post originally appeared on Yaysports.

(The Cavalier is on an extended leave of absence. The following was not written by him, although he may write something of his own in the next 24 hours.)

Hola. Today is the last Thursday in April, I am Jordi Scrubbings, and hopefully no one pulls the plug on me early as you wait in joyful hope for the return of the Cavalier.

Let’s start the day with a quick recap: 3 games. 3 winners. 3 losers. 3 teams scored more than their opponents. And Baron Davis likes to clap.

And now a slightly more in-depth Wednesday night recap:

Cleveland 109, Washington 102. I was surprised this game was as close as it was. Cleveland seems to be playing in second gear, although they can afford to with Arenas and Butler out. LeBron hasn’t need to take over at all, and I wonder if this might actually hurt him in the next round. Will they be able to turn it up a notch against the Nets/Raptors winner? Cleveland coasting has been the talk around here and around the rest of the internets pretty much all season. Too much coasting may lead to complacency. My co-substitute Ben once again has some fresh hot insight from an actual Cavs’ fan on his site.

San Antonio 97, Denver 88. In the heavyweight bout of the night (and in my opinion, the best game of the night), the Spurs tied their series with the Nuggets one game a piece. Although the Nuggets nearly cameback after being down by 14 going into the 4th quarter, and by 17 at one point, the Spurs proved to be too strong of a foe. After the game, the Spurs invited the Nuggets and all the fans in the arena into their locker room to celebrate Tim Duncan’s birthday with a big cake (CAKE!). Kwame Brown was not invited.

Dallas 112, Golden State 99. So the meek will not inherit the West, at least not without a fight. Led by the well-balanced trio of Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, and Josh Howard, the Mavericks cruised to a relatively easy win over the Warriors, tying the series at one a piece. Although down most of the game, the Warriors chances completely flew the coup when guard (and best player) Baron Davis was ejected for clapping (clapping!). To add insult to ejection, several minutes later forward Stephen Jackson was also sent to the showers for being Stephen Jackson. With his penchant for verbosity, I was hoping to see a full-blown EXPLOSION of Stephen Jackson-ness, but alas, the loving arm of Matt Barnes guided the misguided Jackson to the cool, collected clubhouse locker room, where he could no longer be a nuisance to law, order, and the David Stern way. Darn.

Well, that wraps up a beautiful, exciting, action-packed, intense, wild and wooly Wednesday in the NBA. Again, I am Jordi Scrubbings, and I will be back later with more observations and insight. In the meantime, check out my site, The Serious Tip. Peace.

This post was originally featured on Yaysports!.

(The Cavalier is on an extended leave of absence. The following was not written by him, although he is almost done with his 40 day sabbatical.)

Every year, I stick with the same New Year’s Resolution: to be better than I was the year before. It could be better financially, academically, physically, or to get one less speeding ticket. Whatever. It gets people off my back and makes for a decent resolution.

Apparently, Golden State Warrior guard Monta Ellis had a similar goal going into this season. And out of all the players in the NBA, Ellis improved the most, winning the NBA’s vaunted Most Improved Player Award. Despite his improved-ness, Monta is not yet the ultimate Warrior and still needs his teammates Clappin’ Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson to not get thrown out of games if Golden State is to continue their threat against the heralded Dallas Mavericks.

Normally, I don’t get into high school recruiting or speculating on college prospects. I hate it. It’s obsessive and a blemish on whatever purity amateur sports has left. That said, I read something recently about a 17-year old prospect that caught my interest.

Last week Henry Abbott of ESPN’s True Hoop updated his readers on the training of Jakub Kusmieruk, a 7’4″ 17-year old Polish import currently playing for The John Carroll School in Bel Air, Maryland.

Why do I care about Kusmieruk, besides the fact that once he stops growing he may just be the tallest person on the planet? Well, here is what Jakub’s high school coach wrote to Henry Abbott:

He is receiving recruiting interest from all over the United States, including Georgetown (picturing the next Roy Hibbert?), Central Florida, Stanford, St. John’s, Florida State, and many, many more.

Florida State, huh? Although there are four other schools mentioned, and many inferred, I like the mention of FSU. Why? Because if Duke, UNC, Ohio State, or any other traditional powerhouse schools were in contact with Jakub’s coach, they would have probably stuck in his mind more so than Florida State, admittedly less of a college basketball juggernaut. The fact that Florida State is mentioned with Georgetown, Stanford, and St. John’s speaks well for Coach Hamilton’s recruiting program.

From what little I know of FSU’s recruiting, however, I don’t think they need Kumieruk. Especially since we have fellow 7-footer and current high school player Solomon Alabi soon to take the court for the Seminoles. The Knicks on the other hand …

For videos on Jakub Kumieruk and his quest to be a future NBA prospect, check out his coach’s YouTube site.

- Jordi

Monday night I had a chance to go to Tropicana Field, root for the Devil Rays, annoy the New York snowbirds who flock to Tampa until mid-spring, and hang out with Erin Andrews. Unfortunately, I failed to seize the opportunity. Non carpe contestium. Or something like that.

So instead of a night at the Trop, I am dragging you along to a night at the local sports bar. There was quite the buffet of sports entrees Monday night and I am going to try to keep my head on a swivel and comment whenever possible.

On tonight’s menu of viewing entertainment we have: the aforementioned Devil Rays vs. Yankees, the Orlando Magic versus the Detroit Pistons, the Florida Marlins versus the Atlanta Braves, the Dallas Stars versus the Vancouver Canucks, WWE Raw, and some UFC event on Spike TV.

Ok, we are starting the diary a little late, but here goes …

9:23 — Bottom of the 6th – Devil Rays 7, Yankees 6. Good to see. Delmon Young at the plate, with a chance to put some more on the board. Ground out. Inning over. By the way, let me be the first to say Young looks a little like Bubba from Forrest Gump. I know that is mean, but it’s true.

9:36 — Detroit 91, Orlando 83, 53.5 seconds left. Looks like my darkhorse pick over at YAYsports is going to be down two games to none. Not that the Magic had that much of a chance anyway. Detroit has too much firepower, too much experience, and too much depth. Rasheed Wallace and the collective shells of what is left of Chris Webber and Antonio McDyess equal more than Dwight Howard.

9:40 — Wow. Erin Andrews looks hot. Hey, 2nd and 3rd Devil Rays after a double by Elijah Dukes.

9:40 — How does Dwight Howard only have 7 points? As much as I dislike Vince Carter, he might not be a bad pick up for the Magic in the offseason. Somebody has to score on that team. J.J. Redick The Second Coming of Trajan Langdon is not the answer.

9:45 — WWE update – We have Carlito, a short Hispanic guy with a huge Ben Wallace-like ‘fro taking on The Giant Khali, a 9 foot tall mute mound of muscle. Needless to say this was over quick. Carlito should have just kicked Khali in the jewels. You gotta do something, right?

9:49 — Back to the D-Rays – B.J. Upton with a 3-run base-clearing double. Take that, obnoxious ex-New Yorkers. As a Floridian, nothing is more annoying than some of the New Yorkers who move down and refuse to assimilate. Not all, but most of them should turn right back around and go back where they came from. True story, some ex-New Yorker was bitching to me one day about how it was so expensive to live in Tampa and how it was the same cost-wise as living in New York. I politely told him to look at North Florida, where the cost of living is lower than it is in Central Florida. His response, “Is it built up there? Because I don’t want to live in the middle of a desert.” A desert. In Florida. You can see my frustration.

9:57 — After the Magic lost 98-90, the Utah Jazz began their quest to even their series with the Houston Rockets. The Jazz started hot.

10:00 — By the way, the Marlins won 8-7 over the Braves. Hopefully, the Mets are up on the Rockies. Jason Voohrees The Braves must be buried early in the season.

10:02 — Ok, when I sat down there were maybe 10 people in the whole place. In the last few minutes I have been surrounded by what has to be the biggest gathering of Utah Jazz fans in Florida. Seriously, one of them even has a red Utah 50 jersey. Not sure who or what that is. Might have to look that up.

10:04 — WWE update – Rapping commando John Cena is taking on ageless wonder Shawn Michaels. If only Brett Michaels’s career had the staying power of his wrestling namesake. Then he might have given me something to believe in.

10:11 — With 15 points in the first quarter, Carlos Boozer on pace for a 60 point night. And one of the gentlemen near me mentioned WWE was popular on his mission. Bigger shock, that what he said might be true, or the fact that these people were really from Utah?

10:17 — Well, what do you know, the Devil Rays bullpen actually showed up to work tonight. After blowing nearly every game so far this season, one of the Rays relievers just struck out Johnny Damon with the bases loaded. Rays up 10-6 going into the bottom of the 8th.

10:23 — Uh oh, it suddenly got quiet in here. Skip 2 My Lou just nailed a three, making it 28-24 Utah. There goes that fast start.

10:29 — The Devil Rays’ Al Reyes just struck out Derek Jeter looking to start the ninth. Nice. I’m happy. Two more outs and I’ll be ecstatic. By the way, I wonder if Devil Rays superfan (sans cape) Jenn Sterger was at the Trop tonight? (Yes, that was a shameless plug and a cheap excuse to post her picture.)

10:34 — A-Rod just homered for the second time tonight. He is on a pace for 128 homers. That might break Bonds’s record. Devil Rays still up by two.

10:36 — WWE update – Cena and Michaels are still tossing each other around in what may be the longest match in WWE Raw history.

10:37 — Devil Rays win! Devil Rays win! A-Rod: 4 for 5, 2 home runs, and a bunch of RBIs in a losing effort. I hope he has a great season, wins the MVP, the New York fans fawn over him, then he gives them a big middle finger and opts out of his contract.

10:41 — Wow, who is the girl in the RGX bodyspray commercials? If anyone knows, clue me in. She is gorgeous.

10:45 — Utah-Houston tied at 39. The Utahites Utahians Utahers people from Utah are not happy. Has there ever been a Mormon riot outside of Utah? If it happens tonight, I will be here to bring it to you live.

10:49 — Cena-Michaels are still going at it. This is rather impressive. Maybe the other wrestlers didn’t show up tonight, forcing Cena and Michaels to do the whole show themselves. These guys are really beating the hell out of each other.

11:00 — Almost forgot. We have hockey on. Stars 1, Canucks 1 beginning of the 3rd period. And that may be the first time I have ever mentioned a hockey score on The Serious Tip.

11:01 — Ummm … er … uh … the TV next to the hockey game has on the Best Damn Sports Show on location at a Hooters Swimsuit Pageant. Lisa Dergan, Brooke Burke, and dozens and dozens of other women I wouldn’t mind in my harem. I wonder how religious the gang of Jazz fans are. Would they object to me asking the bartender to put the bikini contest on the projector screen?

11:14 — Vancouver 2, Dallas 1. Someone scored I guess. Sorry, there were Hooters on the other TV. Apparently, my previous question was answered when one of the girls of the Jazz fan gang disapproved of a guy in their group watching the Hooters. She called him “an idiot” for oogling lustfully.

11:17 — SportsCenter is on one of the projection screens now. Am I the only one who thinks John Clayton looks like a grown-up version of the old Nintendo mascot Nester? Maybe it’s his odd shaped head.

11:20 — Swimsuit competition time on the Hooters channel. For the love of all that is holy. If it lasts for more than four hours, I might have to call a doctor.

11:24 — Good one in Houston. 58-58 with 4:30 left in the third quarter. The Jazz fans look deflated.

11:29 — Beverly Mullins. Representing Tampa to the fullest. Do your thing, girl.

11:33 — There is actually a contestant representing the first Hooters restaurant wearing a sash that says “Miss Original Hooters”. Sorry to disappoint, but there are few, if any, “original hooters” in this contest.

11:37 — Houston 67. Jazz 62. End of the 3rd quarter. Vancouver 2, Dallas 1. Three minutes left.

11:42 — Mehmet Okur of the Jazz just scored his first basket of the game two minutes into the fourth quarter. If they lose they should blame him. He is now 1 for 8 from the field. I thought he was an all-star or something.

11:48 — Game over in the NHL. Vancouver over Dallas 4-1 in the first Game 7 of the 2007 NHL Stanley Cup playoffs. Meanwhile, the Rockets have a 10 point lead now over the Jazz with 8 minutes left.

Midnight — Congratulations, Miss Anna Burns. You have won the Hooters Swimsuit Pageant. Needless to say, when Anna Burns wins, we all win.

12:01 — Down goes Williams. Down goes Williams. The Jazz fans are not happy. If Deron Williams does get up before a 10 count the Jazz might as well throw in the towel for this series. (I know, the boxing reference are lame. It’s late. I apologize.)

12:07 — 84-80 Rockets, with 3:13 left in the fourth. Houston, we have a game.

12:10 — Back to a 10 point lead with 2:11 left and the fine people from Utah have all but given up on their Jazz. Too much McGrady.

12:16 — 94-88 Houston. 14.5 left on the clock and T-Mac on the line. 95-88. It is now a three possession game. Yeah, it is over.

12:22 — 98-90. We have a final. Finally. I am going home.

- Jordi

Welcome to The Serious Tip’s 100th post. Today I am going to share some Internet love and give you some places to go and things to read.

– Thanks to a link provided by one of his readers, Bill Simmons clued us in to WWE’s “Where are they now?” site. Well, several of these WWE legends will be in action in Melbourne, Florida on May 12th in Mayhem in Melbourne II, also featuring The Serious Tip favorite Bryan Manson.

– One of my favorite non-sports Blogs to read at work is the White Dade. Totally agree with him on his view on women and baseball.

– By and large, I stayed quiet on the Don Imus fiasco of a few weeks back, but political rapper Paris didn’t, writing a pretty stinging piece linking Imus’s comments to social laziness by the recording industry.

– A little international knowledge for you: Pakistan’s largest gun market – you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villiany. But people gotta make a livin’ somehow, right?

– So what do Jon Matlack, Amos Otis, John Stearns, Pat Zachary, Frank Tanana, Hubie Brooks, and Howard Johnson have in common? Besides playing integral roles in Mets’ history, they are all members of One More Dying Quail’s Bizarro Hall of Fame, a place where players who received no votes on their Cooperstown Hall of Fame ballots are revered and celebrated.

– The wisen philosophs over at Thunder Matt’s Saloon want your opinion on the greatest first baseman of the 1990s. What, no Rico Brogna or David Segui?

– And on a final note, I am still writing over at YAYsports, at least until the Cavalier gets back.

That is all.

- Jordi

This post originally appeared on Yaysports.

(The Cavalier is on an extended leave of absence. The following was not written by him, although he has already written his Oscar acceptance speech for Best Director.)

The regular season is over and the playoffs will soon be upon us. Happy are those who worship at court of the hardwood.

Who’s in?

The Heat, the Suns, the Wizards, the Magic, the Bulls, the Spurs, the Nuggets, the Nets, the Warriors, the Cavs, the Mavs, the Jazz, the Lakers, the Pistons, the Rockets, and the Raptors.

Who’s out? Everyone else.

My favorites in the East: the Heat and the Cavaliers.

My favorites in the West: the Spurs, the Suns, and the Mavericks.

My darkhorse for an upset: the Orlando Magic. Why? Well, because I live in Tampa and they are the closest thing to a local team I have and I have followed them since the days of Greg Kite.

My least favorite series: Heat-Bulls. I am Knicks fan, remember? I still haven’t forgiven Pat Riley nor P.J. Brown. If neither team won, I wouldn’t care in the least.

The series I am not going to miss: Warriors-Mavericks. My feelings for this series would be best expressed by a melodramatic monologue from the movie Star Wars:

Avery Johnson: I’ve been waiting for you, Don Nelson. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, I am the master.

Don Nelson: Only a master of defense, Avery.

(Offenses clash.)

Before you ask why I haven’t broken down each series, please remember, mine is not the place to be selfish. If I did all the thorough insightful analysis, what would my proceeding collegues have to discuss? (For the first of such keen analysis, see the mighty Jack Cobra’s Eastern Conference preview in the previous post.)

Before I go for the evening, I would like to ask, and I know this is an old picture, but don’t Malone, Stockton, and Hornacek look awfully happy all hugging like that? They must be glad the Jazz made the second season.

This post originally appeared on Yaysports.

(The Cavalier is on an extended leave of absence. The following was not written by him, although he misses us greatly and wishes we were with him as he waits in line for playoff tickets.)

Greetings once again. It is once again Thursday and I am once again Jordi Scrubbings from The Serious Tip.

I must apologize first and foremost, for I am not an artist nor am I skilled in the art of Photoshop. The joyous cavalier you see to your left was done in Paint. Hence the oversized caption and the third-grade attempt to blend the Cleveland Cavaliers’ logo on the cavalier. However, if I may be forgiven and may say so, I do hope my art brings back memories of our fearless cinema-ing leader. I try.

Of course my art also begs the question, why is this cavalier and many other cavaliers rather joyous this fine morning?

Is it because the Cavaliers of Cleveland won their 50th game of the season?

Quite the accomplishment, but no.

Is it because said team set a new franchise record for average home attendance?

Another stellar accomplishment, and something to be proud of, but that does not make a cavalier joyous.

How about the fact that LeBron James finished the season with over 27 points, over 6 rebounds, and over 6 assists, being the only player not named Oscar Robertson to post such stats three years in row?

That would amuse a cavalier, but alas, would not make him joyous.

So why is our cavalier and many other cavaliers expressing unbridled joyousness this morning?

Allow my co-substitute Ben to explain:

“Everything that the Cavaliers needed to go right, went right. They won (would it have shocked anyone if they blew that game?), Chicago lost (they’ve looked great lately) and somehow Washington held on and pulled it out. They started out the day slated to see Shaq, Wade and the Heat and now they’ll be facing an Arenas and Butler-less Wizards team.”

This makes a cavalier joyous.

Fear not, I will be back later today to further discuss the conclusion of this year’s NBA season: who’s in, who’s not, and who will be facing who in the sure-to-be-exciting, Joey Crawford-less playoffs.

Like many throughout the nation and across the world, I would like to extend my prayers and condolences to the victims and families of those affected by Monday’s horrific tragedy at Virginia Tech.

During my time as a college columnist, I once wrote a piece expressing my personal sorrow over the deaths of a student and a professor, both of whom were taken too soon before the summer semester five years ago. As both men affected my time in academia, it was without a doubt a very difficult piece to write. Possibly the most difficult of my writing career. So as a show of support to those who struggle to put to words the feelings of an entire campus, here are links to the most recent columns of the Virginia Tech student newspaper.

The Culture of Violence – Brett Morris

Focus on the victims, not the recriminations – Tim Edson

What I want Virginia Tech to be remembered for – Devin Stone

Virginia Tech Faces Aftermath of Tragedy – Collegiate Times Editorial Board

Also take a moment to read some of the writings at Planet Blacksburg: the unofficial student-run news website of the Virginia Tech Hokies. Especially Caroline Epley’s Viewed From Afar, Tech Has Stood Tall.

More insight by Nick Dallamora, Virginia Tech student and co-blogger at The Dugout and AOL Fanhouse:

The Virginia Tech Massacre Through Hokie Eyes

Through Hokie Eyes: The Day After at Virginia Tech

Through Hokie Eyes: Convocation and Vigil

Through Hokie Eyes: Paying Respects

In closing, I would like to give kudos to the Washington Nationals for their touching on-field tribute to Virginia Tech. Good job, gentlemen.

- Jordi