MichaelLortz.com/JordiScrubbings.com

Twenty years ago today Sammy Khalifa played his last major league game.

Two and a half years later, his father, Rashad Khalifa, was killed, allegedly by Muslim extremists with ties to Al-Qaeda.

As a part-time shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates from 1985 to 1987, Khalifa hit .219 and had an unremarkable career .579 OPS. But it wasn’t in the batter’s box where Khalifa made his mark: in a sport long in tradition and pioneers, Sammy Khalifa was the first Arab-American and Muslim-American in the major leagues.

Surprisingly, there is little celebrating Sammy Khalifa as a sports pioneer. Although there have been prominent Arab-American athletes in other sports (Doug Flutie, Rony Seiklay, etc.), Sammy Khalifa stands as the one and only major league baseball player with roots in the Middle East.

Fortunately, the career of the first Arab-American to play in the majors was long over before the Khalifa name would again make headlines. In 1989, a group of religious scholars in Saudi Arabia issued a fatwa (religious edict) against both the father of Sammy Khalifa and author Salman Rushdie. (Rushdie also had a previous edict pronounced against him four days earlier by the Supreme Ruler of Iran.) Whereas Rushdie escaped assasination by living under police custody, Rashad Khalifa was not so lucky. According to Wikipedia, “he (Khalifa) was stabbed 29 times and his body drenched in xylol but not set alight” because of his establishment of religious sect he called the “Submitters“. Again according to Wikipedia, the Submitters’ doctrine stemmed from Khalifa’s own interpretations of the Qur’an, including mathematical research into the religious text. Some still consider the Submitters to be a cult with no base in traditional Islam.

Currently, Sammy Khalifa lives in the Tucson area, no longer affliated with baseball.

Looking back, it is difficult to imagine the saga of the Khalifas playing out today. What if Sammy Khalifa had a longer, more distinguished major league career? How would his career have been effected by September 11th, 2001? What if, along with Cal Ripken and Tony Gwynn, we recently inducted the first Arab-American ballplayer into the Baseball Hall of Fame? Could Sammy Khalifa have been a bridge to ease the current tension between the West and the Islamic World?

As further developments arise in the death of former NFL player-turned-soldier Pat Tillman, it might be time to take a moment and remember Sammy Khalifa, the first Arab-American baseball player and the first athlete with ties to the war on terror.

It’s late so I am resorting to the bullet style, a rapid technique known for its swift blows of knowledge and analysis.

Notes on the Michael Vick arraignment:

- Is it any surprise he plead not guilty? Anyone who thought he was going to plead guilty is a moron. Pleading not guilty allows the defense to plea bargain if necessary. And besides, Vick isn’t spending all that money on attorneys to say guilty and then go home. You know Vick wasn’t going to go out like Ice Cube:

Gettin excited, indicted / Spent a grip and a year tryin to fight it / Lawyer got paid; plea, no contest / Cause everything I own, got repossessed

- Now where does this leave the NFL? The league has to make a decision on Vick’s future quick. They have to take a stand and punish Vick before the Falcons do. Any other way and they would be looked at as “soft” and hypocritical. How can they suspend Tank Johnson and PacMan Jones but not Michael Vick? And they have to beat the Falcons to the punch. Arthur Blank cannot look tougher than Roger Goodell. My guess: either the whole season or six games.

Why six games? Because it is more than the four the Falcons can suspend him for (and you know Arthur Blank would have no qualms in doing) but less than half the season. After all, Vick is innocent until proven guilty. Why not eight and cut his season in half? Because his trial is during week 12, giving him a whopping three games to play. That is unfairly punishing the Falcons who undoubtedly would want to field the best talent, and last I looked Michael Vick > Joey Harrington.

- The NFL couldn’t ask for a better opponent for the Falcons the week Michael Vick goes to court than Peyton Manning and the Colts. The best the league can hope for is another one of those 10-0 Colt starts to take some of the mention off the impending Vick trial. The worst thing that could happen is for Peyton Manning not to play. This game needs his star power.

- Like Major League Baseball, the WWE, and the NBA, the NFL will survive. It survived Ray Lewis and Rae Carruth. It survived O.J. Simpson. And their trials were about the deaths of people. The trial of Michael Vick will do little to slow the commercial and social juggernaut that is the NFL.

Of course, the predicament of the NFL could be worse; it could be plagued by scandal and be nationally irrelevant. It could be professional cycling.

This ends this week’s week of social commentary and scandal examination. Hope you dug it. Enjoy your weekend.

David Stern called him a “rogue, isolated criminal”. He’s been tarred, feathered, crucified, and pretty much gibbeted in the media. Never has one man set the perception of honesty and league integrity back so far. But can the NBA recover? Or is the carnage inflicted by Tim Donaghy so vast that the league will lose credibility and relevancy among its fans?

If any can professional sports organization can survive an attack on its basic covenant with the fans, it is the NBA. The league has perhaps the largest footprint of any sports organization in the world. More so than baseball players or football players, NBA stars are bigger than life. They aspire to be global icons. They have become global icons. Do you think the millions of fans Yao Ming has brought to the game will stop watching because of one referee? The NBA has made itself such a global entity, no one man, short of David Stern himself, can destroy it. Fan overlap will ensure its continued success.

My guess is that few fans will be completely turned off to the NBA because of the Tim Donaghy scandal. Those who weren’t fans because of poor officiating and pandering to stars will be more solidified in their view points, but those who are fans will continue to pass through the gates. Even the sometimes fan, who only attends when a favorite player is in town or when their favorite television show is airing a re-run, will not turn away from the NBA because of one bad referee. They will come to see the show. A spectacle of athletic achievement performed by some the greatest athletes in the world. While they care about the score, they will not focus on it as the die-hard fan does. The die-hard fan who will stay a fan through thick and thin.

The NBA will be fine. If the gambling scandal involved a few players, or all the referees, then I would be worried. But until then, all David Stern has to ensure is that the actions of his “rogue” referee stay isolated.

See my take on the scandal of steroids in professional wrestling here.

See my take on the scandal of steroids in baseball here.

Tomorrow: why the charges against Michael Vick won’t effect the NFL and the sport whose scandal strikes the deepest.

By now everyone knows the seriousness of steroids in professional wrestling. Chris Benoit revealed an ugly truth the WWE had been hiding for years. The upper levels of professional wrestling have been infested by the scourge of steroids. But although steroids have been responsible for the death of many individuals, and now their loved ones, is it enough to kill professional wrestling as a whole?

Yesterday I looked at the use of steroids in baseball. Like baseball players, wrestlers use steroids to help them recover from the grueling wear and tear placed on their bodies by their sport. In order to be successful at the top-most level, a wrestler must subject himself to countless days of travel, performing, working out, more travel, and more performing. They are the traveling circus of our day. But in this show however, the lions and tigers are dying before our very eyes.

Comparatively, the steroid issue in wrestling is worse than that in baseball, despite media attention that might infer the opposite. The breaking of records pales in comparison to the destroying of lives. Steroids are eating away at the very backbone of the wrestling industry – the performers themselves. Baseball as only had one such “casualty” in Rafael Palmeiro, who although in perfect health, had his career destroyed by a positive steroid test. Wrestlers could only be so lucky.

Can the WWE survive with its talent and former talents consistently making headlines by dying before their time? Although I would like to say no, I believe wrestling has little to worry about. Wrestling, although it has its hall of fames, does not carry on tradition as the major sports do, so legends are seen rarely, if ever, after their careers end. Out of sight, out of mind. In the case of current stars, again wrestling’s sideshow image plays to its advantage. By not being a major sport, and by filling a niche instead of a demand, wrestling buys itself anonymity. An anonymity that disappears the day tragedy strikes, but returns to hide the dark secrets of the WWE and the upper levels of professional wrestling in due time.

See my take on steroids in baseball here.

Tomorrow: Can the NBA survive the biased referee?

Giambi, Palmeiro, Sosa, McGwire, Bonds, Boone, Ivan Rodriguez. The names and the accusations go on and on. Baseball in the late 20th and early 21st centuries will forever be looked upon as the era of steroids.

But how bad is the steroids question to major league baseball? Will the game survive after Bonds passes Hank Aaron? Or will the game forever be marred by the cream and the clear?

As bad as steroid usage might have been or might continue to be, it will not cause the end of baseball. Baseball has suffered bigotry, gambling, labor disputes, and two world wars. Baseball has suffered countless cheaters, stubborn owners, and weak commissioners. Yet the game goes on.

Of course, there is no doubt the performances of the modern era will have ramifications on the storied history of the game. The most obvious example of this is in the category of career home runs. When we think of Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth, we attach a story to the numbers, the legend of their personas. For Ruth, we recall the beer, the broads, and the brats. We think of a man larger than life, a personification of the swinging 1920s. Our memories of Hank Aaron, although quite different, are just as strong. We remember class, consistency, ability, and the strength to stand through the evil storm of racism.

Later this season, these men will be replaced by Barry Bonds, a player popular opinion would have us believe is the cold, aloof, stand-offish, possibly chemically-enhanced stereotype of all that is wrong with baseball. To root for Bonds is to root for Rocky IV’s Ivan Drago. Ironic, however, is the fact that although we love our technology, our iPods and iPhones, our HDTVs and our MP3s, we are cringing at the possibility of our hallowed records being approached and soon to be surpassed with the aid of modern science. For this, we yearn for a simpler time.

Yet Bonds’s impact on the game, when looked at in context of the game itself, is minimal, if not nonexistent. We must remember, we as fans create these numbers, these records, to amuse ourselves. They mean little other than to recognize those who have lasted and achieved. They do not win the game, nor do they contribute to a player’s ability to perform.

Baseball will survive the steroid era. It is not the worst scandal to ever disrupt the game, and it will not be the last. The game will march on. And although the most cherished of records may fall, the basic fundamentals of the game will remain, unsoiled by the attempts of modern chemistry. Hitters will still have to hit, pitchers will still pitch, runners will still run, fielders will still field, and fans will still cheer.

Needless to say, this summer has not been good for the heads of major sporting leagues. With all the legal drama surrounding the NFL, the cloud of steroids still permeating above Major League Baseball and Professional Wrestling, and NBA officiating no longer on the up and up, life for NHL commissioner Gary Bettman must seem pretty good these days. All he has to worry about is finding people to watch his league next season.

But which of the recent major scandals is the most damaging? As Barry Bonds closes in on Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record, is steroids in baseball worse than steroids in wrestling? What about referee partiality? While having no effect on the physical being of players, having zebras on the paybooks tears at the very fabric of competition. The rule of fans has always been let the players cheat if they can, but those who judge should be fair. Until now.

Starting Tuesday, I am going to compare and contrast these crimes against sports, taking one each day and hopefully coming to a conclusion on which sin I think is the most heinous and most damaging to its respective sport.

Comments are always welcome of course, however, dissenters may be ignored and/or banished from the land.

(Ok, the caption image has nothing to do with the post. I was looking for zebras in google images for the referee-zebra connection and found it. On second thought, a little Tim Donaghy mixed with Chris Benoit and Barry Bonds, perhaps?)

Welcome to another “Flip the Script Friday”. Although The Serious Tip has been primarily a sports-related blog since its inception, on any given Friday I “flip the script” and blog about whatever I so desire. Today I am going introduce you to a band I hold near and dear to my heart, Illinois-based rock band Alternate End.

I’m a big fan of things local. I like local shops, local bookstores, local pizzarias, local breweries, and local stripclubs. If it’s local, I’ll give it a shot. Support your local businesses, right? Nowhere is my penchant for localness more evident however, than with local bands. Although I haven’t really gotten into the Tampa scene yet, every other place I have lived I knew some of the best bands to go see.

With this in mind, and because it’s Flip the Script Friday and it’s my day to blog about whatever I feel, I’d like to present an interview I did with a local band from Illinois. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Alternate End.

(Before you ask, why are you interviewing a band from Illinois? Aren’t you from Florida? Yes, I am from the Sunshine State. But I’ve known two of these guys for over ten years. They were there for my first shot of liquor (hey man, this ain’t no sippin’ tea!) and they were there when a stripper punched me in the family jewels (get up bitch!). So I interviewed them. Enjoy.)

Alternate End is:
Scot Schaumburg (Rifftageous Guitar, Backing Vocals)
David Burdick (Lead Vocals, Drums)
Aaron O’Claire (Lead Guitar, Harmonica)
Shelby Martin (Bass, Backing Vocals)
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The Serious Tip: Who is Alternate End?

Aaron O’Claire: Alternate End is a cutting edge alternative Chicago-land group which consists of four members. Aaron O’Claire, Scott Schaumburg, Shelby Martin, and David Burdick.

Shelby Martin: Alternate End is a musical band comprised of four white middle class average dudes.

David Burdick: A band.

TST: How did you guys form? When?

Scot Schaumburg: I got out of the army I asked Shelbs to move up here to go to school with me. After that Shelbs and I met Aaron through the veteran’s fraternity. A little later we met this quirky drummer working at a bowling alley. Eventually we decided to learn how to play instruments and start a band. The rest is history.

Burdick: My parents got together one day (approximately July of 1981) and decided to make a baby, if I need to explain the logistics of it from there let me know.

O’Claire: We formed by random chance in April 2001.

Martin: We got together while we all attended Northern Illinois University. The band formed after we found out that we all had an interest in playing music.

TST: How did you come up with the name Alternate End?

Schaumburg: Band name was originally PrAnk. Good name that fit us at the time but we went through some changes that lead us to the name Alternate End. Alternate End is in reference too not knowing how things will end up.

Burdick: PrAnK was not serious enough, we had some restructuring of the band, wanted to make a bad ass road sign, ended up with Alternate End.

O’Claire: It took a series of months. Each of us came up with at least 20 different names and passed around our lists to each other. We then crossed out the ones that we didn’t like.

Martin: We thought about Alternate Route like in a detour but we came up with Alternate End. It sounds better.

TST: Influences as musicians? As a band?

Schaumburg: Wow. I guess you could call them influences although I am not nearly as good as them but my favorite musicians are Tom Morello, Tim Salt, and Jerry Cantrell. Favorite bands Doors, Pearl Jam, and Beatles.

Burdick: Dave Matthews Band, Maroon 5, Marvin Gaye, Jazz.

O’Claire: Dave Matthews Band, Weezer, Jimi Hendrix.

Martin: Personally I am strongly influenced by Primus, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nine-Inch Nails. As a band we all draw from multiple influences.

TST: Memories of your first show?

Schaumburg: Ahhh first show, I guess that is debatable. I remember our first being a pig roast at Aaron’s house. We didn’t have a PA so we sang through a bass amp. No one could hear the vocals but that was probably for the best. Dave bought us matching hats.

Burdick: The Chef was the shit, that guy is probably cracked out lying face down in a ditch somewhere. Oh yeah, and Shampoo girl was called the Harmonica Song.

O’Claire: We used to stand our amps on old beer kegs and sang through a Peavy bass amp head that was connected to some 15 speakers Shelby bought from Chuck Mitchell (Joni Mitchell’s ex-husband).We had a small crowd and we sucked, but it was fun at the time.

Martin: We started by playing a party for our fraternity. Some dude just walks in wearing a chef’s Hat. He jumps on the mic and starts rapping or some shit. It was hilarious.

TST: Most memorable show?

Schaumburg: First headlining show at Otto’s main stage. It was over Christmas break at school and campus was dead but for some reason the place was packed. A lot of great energy and the show rocked. Once in an interview Aaron said that he wanted to play the main stage at Otto’s so I guess that was the pinnacle of our career.

Burdick: Playing in Keokuk and having my stick break during playing a fundraiser for Shelby’s aunt. Only time in my career a stick has broken during a gig.

O’Claire: Probably the Maple Ave pub. Everyone was really into us and had a great time.

Martin: Our most memorable show has to be playing the benefit for my Aunt who passed away.

TST: Favorite fan story?

Schaumburg: Opening for Monky Cocktail in Indiana. Aaron hooked up with some chick that we saw at a restaurant the next day wearing the same clothes. I guess you could call her a fan.

Burdick: The girl in Valporaiso, IN hitting on me being passed on to Scoot, then being passed on to O’Claire and finally her making out with O’Claire. Then seeing her the next day at breakfast, in the same clothing.

O’Claire: Having bras thrown at us when we playing a show at a theater.

TST: Favorite Alternate End (or PrAnk) song? Why?

Schaumburg: My favorite is probably College Blues. It is the best collection of music, lyrics, and vocals that represents us in my opinion.

Burdick: I am a fan of College Blues, I think out of all of the songs we play it is O’Claire’s least sucky guitar performance, and the song itself is very catchy.

O’Claire: Shampoo Girl. Hilarious. My little Elliott brother who was in high school at the time walked up to me and said, “Dude, when I’ve been fucking my girlfriend lately I can’t feel anything.” He was dating a ballerina at the time. I said to him, “What are you talking about? She’s like a 105 pounds soaking wet.” He said, “Well she’s been telling me that she’s been masturbating in the shower with a shampoo bottle.” My jaw dropped. I said, “Are you fucking kidding me?” and just started laughing. I told the guys about it, and we wrote that song about the story.

Martin: My favorite song is Inner Voices. It is real dark and cool. We never play it though.

TST: Albums released? New releases coming out?

Schaumburg: Songs by PrAnk, Four and a High Chair, Alternate End EP. We are always working on new material.

Burdick: Kinda. Maybe.

O’Claire: We’ve self-released three albums, and are currently working on new material for a fourth.

Martin: We have three albums. One of those is only a five song demo that has two of our previously recorded songs on it.

TST: How can people check you guys out if they can’t see you live?

Schaumburg: Our myspace, our website.

Martin: Join our mailing list.

TST: Last comments, shout-outs, announcements, etc?

Schaumburg: Peace, we’re out of here.

Burdick: A:F6 and I love you, Scoot.

Martin: I want to give a shout out to Dave Chapelle, holla.

Six years at Florida State have finally started to pay off: I recently finished profiling my alma mater for the College Rule Notebook, a blog “dedicated to exploring the unique history and traditions of our institutions of higher learning”.

Check out my take on the geography, traditions, and esteemed fellow graduates of Florida State University.

Ah, the cameo. A simple way to ensure visability without having to do much work.

A big thanks goes Extra P, the brains behind the College Rule Notebook.

While I am on the subject of Florida State, may I present a visual comparison,

1956

2006

Ah, the joy of progress.

Last weekend at the White House T-Ball Game, Karl Ravech of ESPN interviewed U.S. President Geroge Bush on the subject of sports. Like his father before him, and Richard Nixon before him, George W. Bush has made no secret he is a baseball fan, admitting to watching Baseball Tonight quite often, and even once holding an ownership stake in the Texas Rangers.

During his interview with Ravech, Bush comes across as quite personable and knowledgable. When Ravech asks him about the controversial topic of Barry Bonds and his pursuit of Hank Aaron’s home run record President Bush, to his credit, gives a pretty decent answer. Bush explained that when all is said and done, he believes Bonds will judged fairly. All in all, a good interview of a World Leader by the Worldwide Leader.

But what if ESPN could interview other heads of state? Would the questions be as open to opinion? Or would they ask sugar-coated questions with the hopes of not starting an international incident?

Because one of the goals of The Serious Tip is to one day start a tiff of international proportions, here are my suggestions of what ESPN should ask different heads of state across the world:

To Prime Minister Gordon Brown (United Kingdom):
“Mr. Prime Minister, do you believe the United States should pay a heavy import tax before American teams can sign English soccer football players, especially those who may be members of the English National Team?”

To Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki:
“Do you feel that any urbanization effort on the part of Kenya would detract from the nation’s lock on marathon events, as Kenyans would be more likely to live in cities and take buses and taxi cabs instead of running everywhere?”

To German Chancellor Angela Merkel:
“What is the German government’s plan to take care of all the newly unemployed members of the nation’s NFL Europe teams?”

To Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf:
“Is there any truth to the rumor that a member of the Pakistani National Cricket team used the cream and the clear?”

To Australian Prime Minister John Howard:
“Would you be accepting of PacMan Jones on an Australian Rugby Team, being that parts of Australia were once used as a British penal colony anyway?”

To Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper:
“If a sport is played in Canada and no American cared, did it really happen?”

To Zamundian King Jaffe Joffer:
“Since it has been nearly 20 years since Prince Semi Akeem became enamored with St. John’s Basketball and started a national team upon his return, when do you think your nation’s team will be ready for international competition?”

(Last minute correction: according to this video, King Jaffe Jaffer was overthrown in 1997. Not sure who is in charge now.)

A few years ago, way back when I was still a student at Florida State, I wrote a letter to our esteemed student newspaper alerting them of a possible breach in the academic code of conduct. In my opinion, the opportunity for rampant cheating had encroached itself on the FSU campus. Only through a systematic approach, I argued, could the reputation of Florida State University remain in high regard. As this dilemma still courses through the veins of academia, and as its physical parallel still permeates our sports discussions, I would like to share my letter to the editor of the FSView and Florida Flambeau, dated January 10, 2005.
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Ban Steroids of the Mind

Dear Editor,

As a long-time student and possible alumnus of our fine academic institution I would like to alert my fellow students of a plague that could affect our university’s credibility.

I recently witnessed a television commercial for a product called Focus Factor, described as having the ability to both enhance memory power and increase intellect. This is obviously one of many such products on the market today. In light of the recent “doping” scandals involving professional athletes such as Barry Bonds and Olympic stars such as Marion Jones, we can not let mental enhancers such as Focus Factor permeate our intellectual environment as physical enhancers have invaded the world of sports.

Similar to growth enhancement products, mental enhancers promote an unfair advantage and distort the academic “playing field”. Whereas neither physical nor mental supplements provide magical results without at least a level of skill or subject understanding, the similarities between these products are quite eerie.

We must prevent the use of memory and intellectual enhancers now before their use becomes epidemic and destroys the Florida State academic prestige we hold dear. In response to this potential disaster I propose a simple plan I call Operation CREME LA Drugs (Condemnation, Restriction, and Education of Mind Enhancers and Legislation Against drugs).

The first step in condemnation and restriction is, of course, punishment. Prior to every major exam or finals week a university-wide urinalysis should be given. Evidence of recreational drug use is obviously of no concern. Users of intellectual drugs, however, should be prosecuted to the full extent of the academic code. Any student admitting to intellectual drug use, either past or current, should have asterisks placed on their transcripts besides the grade point averages and their degrees of distinction, where applicable, should be stripped. Imagine the embarrassment a user would feel during a job interview as a prospective employer looks over a glowing transcript blemished by asterisks.

As for education, the university should employ the Real Project (note: the Real Project was a campus-wide campaign against student alcohol abuse – JS) to spread a variety of slogans such as “All Skills, No Pills” and discourage students from using products that would give them an unfair advantage over their peers. Maybe once a majority of students are aware of the “cheating” available through intellectual drugs we can again be a bastion of protest, boycotting producers and camping out on Landis Green.

Legislation against memory enhancers and intellect increasers may be more difficult. However, with many students working in the capitol complex, I am sure we can bend the ear of several legislators. Like Sen. John McCain and the growth hormone issue, perhaps Gov. Bush could support a strong stand furthering our cause.

In closing, I would like to propose a university-wide petition demanding the administration and the student government enact Operation CREME LA Drugs and enact an outright ban on these products.

If only I can remember where I put my petition form and my pen.

Jordi Scrubbings
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Unfortunately, my plea fell on deaf ears.