MichaelLortz.com/JordiScrubbings.com

Once again he is back with his ‘fro intact.

It only takes one look to see who the best is …

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Florida wrestling fans, this blog is for you!

I had another great Thursday night at Florida Championship Wrestling.

Last Saturday I ordered a couple afros for some of my homies, and they arrived via UPS just as I was leaving my driveway on my way to the show. This marks the second emergency shipment of afros that UPS has delivered “just in the nick of time.”

When I got to the show, I traded a few afros with the Bourbon Street Mafia for a BSM shirt. Now the BSM and the ‘fro Army have officially formed an unholy union. (The only thing that could make us more powerful would be the assistance of a Gargoyle and a Zombie Pimp!)

At the beginning of the show, I tossed Dusty Rhodes an afro. He donned the ‘fro, and it was quite possibly the greatest moment in Afro-Squad history! (Does Dusty need a special Afro-Squad name?)

In my eyes, Afa stole the show again for his wrecklass ass kicking of Stu Bennett. The most entertaining part is that Afa seems to be the most “over” guy in the building, but he is supposed to be a heel. I hope having an entire Army of afro-wearing lunatics chanting “fear the ‘fro” doesn’t hurt your popularity.

I was also impressed with Natalie Neidhart and Beth Phoenix‘s style as a tag team. They even finished with the Hart Foundation’s “Hart Attack.” I wonder if we’ll see them working together in the future.

Kafu‘s wife sat by us. Although she wasn’t too excited about having her picture taken, she was a fun addition.

I’m really starting to enjoy Kafu’s gimmick as well. He is the “master of the Claw hold,” which is a great throwback to the ’80s. Jordi Scrubbings saw Kafu in the grocery store last week, so we tried to harass Kafu about his shopping list. (He apparently loves cheese!)

I also have to hand it to Angela Fong for posing for pics with the Afro-Squad Army.

I got to talk to Diana Hart for a few minutes too. She seems like a really sweet lady. As Georgia Smith joked about her mom, “she talks just like Bret.” (Their accent is almost identical.)

Once again, FCW Andy (AKA Original Jit) and his Dad epitomized what wrestling fans should be. Those guys breathe wrestling.

Finally, will somebody tell Jack Gabriel to put some pants on? Hey, Eric Perez … if you post a blog comment … I’d reply “Oh Yeah!”

SnowMan

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Gone with the wind like Ruth Bader Ginsberg

Stay tuned next week for even more of his words …

JORDI

Real Name: Jordi?

Where are you now?
Tampa, FL

Favorite Sports Teams:
New York Mets, Tampa Bay Rays, Brevard County Manatees, Florida State Seminoles

Favorite Current Player(s):
Kerry Wood (token Cub), Tim Wakefield, R.A. Dickey, Prince Fielder (calm down, he went to my HS), Tim Lincecum, all LOOGYs.

Favorite All-Time Player(s):
Calvin Coolidge Julius Caesar Tuskahoma McLish, Rusty Kuntz, Howard Johnson, Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez.

Memorable encounters with MLB players:
When I was 10 I went to a spring training game, got myself a hot dog, lathered it up in mustard appropriately, when ex-Met Roger McDowell came up alongside me and said “Excuse me.” Well, of course, I moved out of the way.

Then like twenty years later I crashed the 2006 General Managers meeting in a Disney hotel. I met or saw Tommy Lasorda, Ozzie Guillen, Cal Ripken, Jim Leyland, Darryl Hamilton, Bryan Harvey, and Scott Boras. I hate Scott Boras.

Player(s) you’d sit and have a beer with:
Joel Zumaya, Nolan Ryan, Ralph Kiner, Billy Brewer, Roy Hobbs, Rube Waddell (do they have to be living?), Hack Wilson, Ty Cobb, and J.O. Sampson.

Player(s) you absolutely despise:
Bobby Bonilla, Chipper Jones, Kenny Rogers, Vince Coleman

Best baseball video game of all-time:
I am going to go with Little League Baseball for the NES. Just slightly over Basewars. Yeah, I haven’t played much video games since the reign of George the Elder.

So whatcha drinkin? This being a saloon and all:
La Fin Du Monde. It’s French for The End of The World. Before you get your panties in a bunch that you let in someone who speak a wee bit of Francais, rest easy. La Fin is brewed in the mean streets of Canada. Probably in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

What about Beecake?
Never much of a fan. Until he did the Barbershop and Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jenetty through the glass window. Or like when he got in that motorcycle accident and smashed his face into a million pieces. Wait, B-e-e-c-a-k-e? I don’t know no Beecake, I thought you were talking about Brutus “The Barber”.

Favorite sports card(s) you own:
Sorry. I was fortunate enough to sell my cards and have them pay for my college education. Oh, you didn’t do that? What, no one wants your eighteen 1993 Mike Piazza Topps regular edition rookie card? Sucks to be you.

Ketchup on a hot dog. Yay or nay?
You don’t put ketchup on a hot dog. That’s like putting the Spicy Brown on a steak.

Who do you consider your nemesis?
The Man. Somma bich constantly holding me down. One day I’m gonna stick it to The Man and give The Man some whatfor. Oh, and Bryan Maddox.

If you could be any movie character, who would it be?
Elliot Richards in Bedazzled. Or Joe Dirt.

Favorite thing you’ve written for TMS?
Well, due to process of elimination, it would have to be this. Either that or a comment. I do like to bring the humor in the comments. Yeah, remember that one comment? Yeah, that was cool.

Thing you’ve written you’re most ashamed of?
Dear Thunder Matt Crew,

I am just starting my own blog. I found yours and thought it was really funny. Can you give me any pointers?

Wow! I must have been on crack that day.

*This is referring to an email Jordi sent us nearly two years ago asking for advice. Because we being a 6 month old blog obviously had all the answers. I still have that email saved but I’ll spare him the embarrassment of posting it here.

Would you touch Kyle Farnsworth’s weiner if it meant a Cubs World Series title?
No. Because I don’t want to be responsible for the end of the world if the Cubs win the World Series. I would rather stock up on can goods, bottles of water, and beer.

What’s your dream baseball lineup?
Stacy Keibler – CF
Alessandra Ambrosio – LF
Jenn Sterger – 2B
Jennie Finch – P
Tina Clayton – C
Lacey Alexandra – RF
Carmella Decesare – 3B
Kayden Kross – SS
Nafisa Teague – 1B

With Finch on the mound, this team is unbeatable. And hot.

Ages have passed since I last gave a run-down of what I’m reading. Here are a few Lessons In New Knowledge (LINKS). Consider yourself educated.

First off, a little education coming from old-school rapper KRS-1. BET hooked it up and had KRS-1 in a little jam session with Soulja Boy. Quite a bit of respect shown, which is a good thing. Maybe we’ll hear something real come from Soulja Boy, not just rhymes about bling, cars, and other nonsense. Then again, maybe Soulja Boy is a modern day Kid’n'Play.

Next, one of my favorite bloggers and a long-time friend of The Serious Tip, Extra P, is back in ESPN Magazine. Extra P is a minor league baseball afficionado and in his latest he discusses minor league merchandising. This is a real good article about the major league thought that goes into selling minor league stuff. My one question however, is do the Toledo Mud Hens sell Lou Brown jerseys? Afterall, he was the manager there for over 30 years.

Another friend of The Serious Tip, the always loquacious MC Bias, has posted a really good interview with cyclist, uber-athlete, and 2012 Olympic hopeful Kathryn Bertine. In 2008, Kathryn attempted to cycle for the U.S. and St. Kitts and Nevis. Unfortunately, she came up a bit short. But that has only increased her motivation for 2012. Let the countdown begin.

Staying on the global tip for a moment, apparently it is illegal to own or play Grand Theft Auto IV in Bahrain or Saudi Arabia. Blogger Redbelt wrote about a couple of Bahraini officials who visited a local video game store to confiscate all the available copies. Don’t they realize that the best way to increase desirability is to take something away? And I am not even going to touch the subject of whether or not video games corrupt the youth.

For those who care about such things, Andrew Carter of the Orlando Sentinel posted the Florida State Seminole Men’s Basketball schedule. Carter also gives his analysis of the schedule, which, might I add, is not a flattering endorsement. My opinion: I would have been more upset with this jobber schedule a few years ago, when FSU had a solid chance of making the NCAA tournament. This year, I don’t know what they have, but it doesn’t look too promising.

A bit of cross-promotion: my NFL picks are up over at Thunder Matt’s Saloon. Apparently they don’t like it when I pick the Chicago team to do much of anything.

Going on the political tip for a moment: One of my favorite websites of late has been Politics1.com and their comprehensive list of all the candidates running for President of the United States. So before you throw your vote to either McCain, Obama, or Paris Hilton, check out some of these guys:

The Light Party (less calories than those other parties!)

The Marijuana Party (it ain’t a party unless someone’s lighting up!)

and The Humanist Party (you can’t go wrong with a guy named Washington!)

If you are getting bored of the politics, as I slowly am, here are a few things to look forward to:

The NightMoves Adult Entertainment Awards – October 9-13, in Tampa, Florida.

The World Elephant Polo Association Championship – November 30th to December 6th, somewhere.

Ronnie James Dio and Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath, or if you prefer, Heaven and Hell, will be performing “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” on a new Christmas album entitled “We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year“. Hopefully that’s truth in advertising.

And finally, a trailer from one of my favorite low-budget emotionally moving films, brought to you by the Troma folks.

Way back in my younger days, many, many, many moons ago, I worked in a bar in Tallahassee. Actually, to be honest, I didn’t really work. I just kinda stood behind the bar, played music, and handed beers to the few friends or homeless vagabonds who showed up. After two weeks of this routine, the bar told me they were going with the “hot-girls-behind-the-bar” strategy and that I wouldn’t be working there anymore.

And that was the end of my life as a bar keep. Until now.

Last week, I received and accepted an invite to write for one of my favorite blogs: Thunder Matt’s Saloon. I’ve long been a patron of Thunder Matt’s little corner of the blogosphere and it’s an honor to be welcomed into such a circle of greatness.

If you are not familiar with Thunder Matt’s Saloon, they are the geniuses who brought us such legendary posts as:

Underrated/Overrated: Condiments

The Fantasy Hurricane League

The Thunder Matt Beer Project

and 50 States/50 Bands

So what will I bring to the Saloon? Well, I’m not quite sure yet. Hopefully, I’ll bring my legion of two or three faithful readers. But other than that, as long as they don’t decide to replace me in two weeks with pictures of hot chicks, I think I’ll be alright.

Oh, you can read my initial post for TMS here:

Meet a Bartender: New Staff Edition – Thunder Matt’s Saloon

By the way, don’t worry – The Serious Tip is not going away. I’ll still be here. I’m just branching out.

(P.S. That’s not really Thunder Matt’s Saloon, that’s a picture of a place called “Matt’s Saloon” in Prescott, AZ.)

Way back in the ancient times of 2001, sports fans, analysts, and innocent bystanders were captivated by the accomplishments of Danny Almonte, a lanky left-handed Little League pitcher from the Bronx. Almonte dominated Little League competition as no other pitcher had nor possibly will ever do again.

Unfortunately, the Danny Almonte success story was too good to be true. After a brief investigation, the Little League powers that be found out Almonte violated the maximum age requirement for entry in the Little League World Series. Instead of 12, Almonte was actually 14, an age that gave him a physical advantage over his younger competition.

Seven years later, the sports headlines have again been strife with stories about age requirements and the possibility of cheating. This time, however, instead of the competitors being too old, as was the case with Almonte, many were claiming members of the Chinese gymnastics team were too young to compete. Whereas Olympic rules state a competitor must be at least 16, rumors have continued that gymnast He Kexin is only 14.

I found irony in the fact that both of these age-vulnerable events have been televised often simultaneously over the last few weeks. Fitting as well that both finished on the same day. In my opinion, the problems of these pinnacles of amateur competition* can easily be solved with some creative thinking.

* I would argue that the Little League World Series is rivaled only by the NCAA tournament as the most intense non-professional sporting event in the U.S. And of course the Olympic Games are the zenith of all amateur athletic competition.

While some claim that we should do away with age restrictions in the Olympics, I think the opposite. The International Olympic Committee should create age divisions in certain sports such as gymnastics, swimming, and baseball. This would reduce the pressure of cheating to get certain athletes with “springier” bodies in the games. These categories would also lengthen the careers of Olympic stars that may be too old to compete in their sports by the time they are in their mid-20s.

As for baseball, I think every four years the Little League World Series should be included in the Summer Games and played in the hosting Olympic city. This would make the Little League World Series a truly global event and would raise its prestige to epic proportions. Granted, it would take the “community” feel away from the Williamsport-hosted games, but it would provide possibly the biggest thrill for Little Leaguers across the world. And fair is fair, if a 14-year old can compete in the Olympics (not saying that they do currently, but they have in the past), then shouldn’t 12-year old be medal-eligible as well?

Imagine their excitement as the Little League World Series winners not only receive a trophy for the best Little League team, but also gold medals for best under-14 baseball players in the world.

(Of course, this is only possible with the aforementioned age categories. Anyone who thinks a 12-year old kid could play on the same baseball field as a grown man is just foolish. Even if that kid is the second coming of Danny Almonte. Yet for some reason it’s ok to have 14-year old girls compete with 20-something year old women in gymnastics. Maybe the IOC likes the idea that they can legally oogle little girls every four years.)

All wrestlers have to start somewhere. Contrary to popular belief, the warriors of the squared circle don’t magically appear buff, bad, and quick with the mic. Although some ride the tail of a comet to quick success, many toil in the trenches seemingly for eons awaiting their chance. They wrestle in flea markets, fairs, VFWs, YMCAs, and any other place a promoter can set up a ring.

Perhaps the highest level of “minor league” pro wrestling is Florida Championship Wrestling, the WWE’s training school. Recently relocated to right around the corner from me in beautiful, sunny Tampa, Florida, FCW is the starting point for many wrestlers, male and female, trying to make it to the absolute pinacle of their profession.

Needless to say, being that wrestling and the Afro-Squad go together like Scott Weiland and heroin, the Snowman and myself have been frequent patrons to FCW’s weekly events.

So now, without further ado, I bring to The Serious Tip the first appearance of the Snowman. Hopefully this goes better than “Hercules in New York“.

The FCW show last night was a lot of fun. In fact, this may have been the most enjoyable show that I’ve seen to date.

Anyway, that’s it for this week’s report. Please check out the pictures and leave comments. Hopefully some of the spouses and wrestlers won’t be too shy to comment.

Thanks, Snowman. Wait, no mention of the Great Jordi? Maybe next time.

See more of the Snowman’s news and notes at his myspace site. Go, I’ll wait.

And oh yeah, Mr. The Man, we haven’t forgotten about you. Quit holding people down or else.

I know this is way past its point of relevance, but I wanted to wait until everyone had a chance to see The Dark Knight at least twice before throw my thoughts out for consumption.

- Like I mentioned a few weeks ago, I am in the middle of reading a biography on Albert Einstein. The idea that Einstein believed that there was a rule for everything is similar to ideology of Batman. Throughout The Dark Knight and other Batman stories, Batman sides with organization, process, and order. There is a formula to life. A routine to be followed. Batman’s outlook on life can almost be summarized with Einstein’s famous quote, “God doesn’t play with dice”.

Batman’s villains in The Dark Knight, on the other hand, represent the various stages of chaos. Two-Face is chance personified; and hence represents life and our existence on Earth. To date, we still can’t figure out why the third rock in our solar system was the one to spring life. So far, the odds are against life in the universe. We are the result of chance.

Then there is the Joker – utter chaos. There is no definable rhyme nor reason to the Joker’s actions. He is the big bang theory personified. He is the quantum mechanics to Batman’s theory of relativity.

- One more point: Several other sites, most specifically CNN.com, called the Joker a terrorist. Others said The Dark Knight is a statement on the war on terror(ism). What these writers barely mention is the origin of the Joker’s tactics. The writers of The Dark Knight had clearly studied the courses of action of successful insurgencies and guerrilla fighters.

(Warning: If you have not seen The Dark Knight, you might not want to read any further. I’m about to mention parts of the movie.)

For example, the flaming firetruck? Ripped from the streets of Mogadishu or Fallujah. The attack on the helicopter? Although the Joker didn’t use an RPG, that was from Mogadishu, site of the book “Black Hawk Down”. The cell-phone activated bomb? Only seen time and time again by U.S. troops in Iraq; they call them I.E.D.s – or improvised explosive devices. And then of course, there was the exploding hospital. That can be traceable to either the embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania, the Oklahoma City bombing, or even the attack on the World Trade Center.

What Batman and the authorities of Gotham City never attempt to do, and this honestly surprised me, was to go after the Joker’s logistics. To quote Jack Nicholson’s Joker, “Where did he get those wonderful toys?” The bombs, the guns, the rocket launchers – they had to come from somewhere. The Joker either had a warehouse full of munitions or he was being supplied by somewhere. Attempting to eliminate that source would definite have put a hamper on the Joker’s ability to cause chaos.

But then again, “The Hunt For The Joker’s Logistics” would not make for a very exciting movie.

Besides Michael Phelps, the “Redeem Team”, and table tennis, one of the biggest stories I have been following this Olympics in the rise of Walter Dix.

For those not in the know, Walter Dix is the reason the Florida State University Track and Field team is three-time National Champions. Dix, an eight-time NCAA champion and 15-time All-American, is now competing in Bejing. This weekend, he finished third in the 100 meter sprint.

Although I am far from an expert in track and field (although I can run a little better than I can swim – see my post on Michael Phelps), at only 22 years old, I think Walter Dix is going to be one of the next great American runners.

Darren Rovell of CNBC SportsBiz also thinks Dix is going to be huge. According to Rovell, Dix is the recent recipient of the largest contract ever for a track star out of college. Rovell sat down with Dix’s agent, Kimberly N. Holland of Icon Management. Check out the interview.

So now even though Michael Phelps is done and the hoops team seems to be cruising through the competition, I’m still going to watching and rooting for Walter Dix, the world’s fastest Seminole.

Go Noles.

Once again, I have joined forces with the fine upstanding gentlemen of The Afro-Squad.com. Although it has been a while since the last official collaboration between the legendary “Snowman” and myself, during the past few months we have had numerous lawyers, agents, and other affliated moneymen crossing the “t”s and dotting the “j”s to faciliate a final merger. And now I have proud to announce The Serious Tip and The Afro-Squad have officially come together and are out to put “The Man” on notice.

So what does that mean for you, loyal reader?

Well, first, you can expect more content. That’s always a good thing, right? For those unfamiliar, The Afro-Squad specializes in pure funkiness, with a smattering of beautiful women and a touch of pro-wrestling commentary and interviews.

Is The Serious Tip going away? Will it be taken over? No and No. This merger is merely cross-promotional. The Serious Tip will be linking to new content on The Afro-Squad and The Afro-Squad will be linking to new content on The Serious Tip. On those occasions where we collaborate on a project, well, expect that to be on both sites.

So, with that said, I present the first ever joint effort between The Serious Tip and The Afro-Squad, and my first ever foray into announcing. Even if you aren’t the biggest wrestling fan, at least give it watch and let me know what you think. In my humble opinion, I am already better than Tim McCarver.

A few thoughts about the utterly ancient Jamie Moyer, who just outdueled the equally elderly Greg Maddux …

- Did you know Jamie Moyer is 5th on the All-Time Home Runs Allowed list?

- Did you know Jamie Moyer has given up more home runs than any other left-handed pitcher in baseball history?

- Do you realize the four pitchers who have given up more home runs (Roberts, Jenkins, Neikro, and Sutton) are Hall of Famers?

- Did you know because of Jamie Moyer, you can connect 23-year old Phillie pitcher Kyle Kendrick to a player who started his career in 1899 in 7 degrees?

– Kendrick to Jamie Moyer (Phillies 2007-present)

– Moyer to Nolan Ryan (Rangers 1989-90)

– Ryan to Ken Boyer (1966 Mets)

– Boyer to Murry Dickson (Cardinals 1956-57)

– Dickson to Lyn Lary (Cardinals 1939)

– Lary to George Burns (not the actor) (Yankees 1929)

– Burns to Sam Crawford (Tigers 1914), who started his career in 1899.

Wow.

Back to the subject of home runs for a moment.

How are only three pitchers from the “steroid era” in the top 15 in all-time home runs (Moyer, David Wells, and Randy Johnson)? Weirder still, how are all three are left-handed?

(Wow, that is a poorly written second question. “How are all three left-handed?” Because they throw with their left hand. That’s “how” they are left-handed. What I was trying to say is how have three left-handed pitchers who pitched most of their career in the “steroid era” given up more home runs than any right-handed pitcher? I thought lefties are supposedly harder to hit.)