MichaelLortz.com/JordiScrubbings.com

I saw comedian Eddie Griffin at the Tampa Improv Saturday night. Although I think I hurt the experience by watching Eddie Murphy’s Delirious the night before, Griffin is one funny dude.

A few of the subjects he covered:

- Why the founding fathers were coke heads
- The true meaning of library (bury lies), congress (cons digress), and constitution (con institution)
- Why loud women are loud and why they don’t get men
- The art of cunnilingus (normally I am not a fan of sex humor – too easy and extremely overdone – but Griffin was funny)
- Why the stage at the Tampa Improv sucks
- Why Barack Obama is a “black man’s black man” (of course he didn’t say “black man” – use your imagination)
- Why President Obama did Bill Clinton a favor by making Hillary Clinton Secretary of State and giving her a job that requires her to be frequently out of the country
- Why he only smokes cigarettes made by Native Americans
- What Bernie Mac and Richard Pryor are currently up to in heaven

Like I said, after watching Delirious I could see Murphy’s influence on Griffin. And when Griffin went into his discussion of Michael Jackson’s voice and its lack of manliness, it was almost as if he was ripping Murphy off word for word. Then again, in defense of Griffin, making fun of Michael Jackson never gets old.

My only disappoint was after the show when Griffin took off and didn’t spend any time with the fans. Although I wanted a pic with one of the most famous characters to don a ‘fro, I was lucky in that one of the Improv staff hooked me up and got Griffin to sign my Undercover Brother DVD insert.

Cool story in Tampa Bay Online (via Ybor City Stogie) about New York Yankee first baseman and multi-gabillionaire Mark Teixeira playing stickball with some local teams in the historic Ybor City district of Tampa.

(Yankee Hits Ybor Street For A Game Of Stickball)

The Florida Stickball League web site has a few videos of the event.

I am confused about why Teixeira is even “playing” first. I thought stickball was played with “automatics”. Maybe it’s league preference. Whereas here in Florida they use bases, a Troy, NY league and the Uptown Stickball Association of Bayonne, NJ doesn’t.

Anyway, good to see Teixeira taking time to play ball with people who play for the love of the game, even if it was a promotional event. Would it be too much to hope a few Tampa Bay Rays players join in local stickball games like the old folks say Brooklyn Dodger, NY Giant, and NY Yankee players used to do back in the day?

In the last week, several people have asked my opinion on a recent study proclaiming that Hip-Hop, among other music, “makes you dumb”. This is the first part of my two part response. Today, I will dissect the study itself and tomorrow I will defend hip-hop against those who would use the study to show it is an intellectually lesser form of music.

The study:

According to Virgil Griffith, a 26-year old student at Cal Tech, certain genres of music can be associated with the average entrance exam scores of college students.

To quote Mr. Griffith’s methodology

1. “Get a friend of yours to download, using Facebook, the ten most frequent “favorite music” at every college via that college’s Network Statistics page on Facebook (manually — as not to violate Facebook’s ToS). These ten “favorite musics” are perhaps indicative of the overall intellectual milieu of that college.

5. Post the results on your website, pondering what the Internet will think of it.

Ok, so if this scale was made specifically from data from my alma mater (Florida State), and the average SAT/ACT score at Florida State was 1600, and the only music listed among Florida State Facebook users was “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans”, then “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would rate as a 1600. If another school’s students listed “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans”, but only received an average score of 800, then “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would drop to an average test score of 1200. Hence, “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would rank somewhere between Bob Dylan and U2.

(Actually, FSU ranked 265th out of 1352 colleges with an average test score of 1154 across 31,347 students with listening preferences of Jack Johnson, Sublime, Coldplay, Bob Marley, The Beatles, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pink Floyd, John Mayer, Weezer, and The Fray.)

Points of Contention:

As I explained, what Mr. Griffith listed was the listening preferences of the smart colleges versus the listening preferences of less academically prestigious colleges. First of all, he does not go into academic study. Of course, colleges specializing in classical study will have more kids who listen to Beethoven, the music linked to the “smartest scores”. On the flip side, colleges specializing in urban anthropology may have more students listing to Lil Wayne (889 average score) and Nas (1071 average score).

Second, looking at Mr. Griffith’s chart, I immediately noticed most of the music on the lower IQ side derives from African beats and influences. Of course, the most basic instinct would be to label this as yet another study supporting racism and minority intellectual inferiority. The website ThisIsRealMusic.com blasts Mr. Griffith along this assumption. However, TIRM fails to mention where or how Mr. Griffith got his information. They just proclaim he is a closet racist. I don’t think that is fair, nor is it a good way to do a counterpoint.

Where I do believe Mr. Griffith dropped the ball is in his title and its associated media blitz. In labeling his study “Music that makes you dumb”, he is opening himself up for comments and negative attention. The proper title of his study should have been “Music Preferences of Facebook-Using College Students Based on School Average SAT/ACT Scores”. But that wouldn’t have garnered him any attention.

Also of note is that several Historically Black Colleges are listed in the bottom quarter of Mr. Griffith’s school data along with their students’ music tastes. I have little doubt Mr. Griffith saw this trend emerging as he graphed his data. Here again I fault Mr. Griffith’s presentation of the data.

What does it say then about Historical Black Colleges that they score so low? Either HBCs are letting in students who are not stringent in their academic requirements or the students of HBCs are not as smart as students in the top schools. The latter theory can of course be countered by the idea that minority students (assuming they make up the majority of HBC student bodies) are not being prepared well enough to score well on college entrance exams. Some even go as far as to label the tests racist. So where does the bigger fault lie: in the music HBC students listen to or the school systems they come from?

The bottom line is that Mr. Griffith was irresponsible in releasing his findings in the manner that he did. He should have known the societal repercussions of his display. The fact that he attempts to cover up his naivety in the cloak of statistical impartiality does not hold water. And honestly, instead of playing with numbers and pinning music to test scores, he would have been better off trying to devise a statistical way for students to do better on their entrance exams.

By the way, as for Mr. Griffith and his personal music tastes, according to the FAQ he listens to Daft Punk (not on the list) Tool (1083), Radiohead (1220), and Metallica (1063). Averaging the available scores, and using his musical tastes as an indicator of his own intelligence, Mr. Griffith probably received an 1122 on his entrance exam. However, this would put him nearly 400 points below the average Cal Tech student, who received a 1520.

So either Mr. Griffith is far below the academic standard at his university or, if he did score among the average test taker, his musical preferences are not indicative of his intelligence. If he then is an outlier in his own study, why should we attach his system to any other test taker in any other school?

Saying we are supposed to correlate attributes to people when the creator of the attributes is such a drastic outlier is like saying a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, would want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks. It obviously does not not make sense.

2008:97-65, 1st place in AL Eastern Division, American League Champions

SO LONG: OF Rocco Baldelli, OF Cliff Floyd, OF Jonny Gomes, OF Eric Hinske, P Edwin Jackson, P Trevor Miller

WELCOME: OF Pat Burrell, P Lance Cormier, P Jason Isringhausen, OF Matt Joyce, OF Gabe Kapler, P Joe Nelson, P Brian Shouse

PROJECTED LINEUP (actually, this is last year’s lineup. This year’s lineup depends on Upton’s health.)
1. Akinori Iwamora 2B
2. B.J. Upton CF
3. Carl Crawford LF
4. Carlos Pena 1B
5. Evan Longoria 3B
6. Pat Burrell DH
7. Matt Joyce RF
8. Dioner Navarro C
9. Jason Bartlett SS

Starting Rotation: James Shields, Scott Kazmir, Matt Garza, Andy Sonnanstine, Jason Hammel (Where’s David Price? Check Triple A.)

Setup: Grant Balfour/Dan Wheeler

Closer: Troy Percival

Welcome to the most important year in Tampa Bay Rays’ history.

When we last left the Rays, they were defeated at the hands of the World Series Champion Phillies. They were wet, tired, and probably hungry.

Now, five months later, they have returned as the model of all franchises. Although denied glory, they are the heroes of the underclass. The little market that could. They are the revolutionary who dared to challenge the twin evil empires. They envoked the audacity to upset the establishment, knowing they had little to lose but a past full of defeat.

Like the heroic Tank Man of Tiananamen Square, the Rays of 2008 stood defiant before the Red Sox and Yankees and dared them to run over their upstart season. Despite numerous challenges and scares, the Rays held their ground. While other small market teams cried for salary caps, new stadiums, and other Marxist solutions, the Rays looked for solutions from within, for the talent, drive, and heart necessary to reverse the misfortune of a decade of embarrassment.

The 2009 Tampa Bay Rays, like Jefferson, Franklin, Adams, and John Jay, now have to prove their revolution was not only a success, but the beginning of a fruitful nation. Whereas a young America was allowed to prosper in poli-social-economic-military vacuum without any legitimate fears of invasion, the Rays now bear the burden of being the biggest target in the Junior Circuit. They have to protect their burgeoning reputation of success against numerous embarrassed entities with scores to prove.

The Rays enter 2009 without any significant losses. The foundation is still intact and will be for years to come. Many believe the Rays are even stronger now than at this time a year ago. They have acquired the long-range muscle of a Phillie import, while only parting ways with part-time pieces and spot starters. Of course, they also have a year’s worth of experience to their credit as well as a bevy of talent in the lower ranks.

Although some might be dared to label the Rays as the benefactor of their own misguidedness, reaping hordes of quality youth through years of wayward failure, those people are fools. Never in history have youth been revolutionary due solely on their age. They need a quality environment in which to blossom and the opportunity to prove to the world they are in indeed for real.

The Rays are here to stay.

(Disclaimer: I am a Rays season ticket holder.)

Preseason Awards:
Mr. Sexy Time: Evan Longoria – How can the AL Rookie of the Year be Mr. Sexy Time? Shouldn’t he have already arrived? Not so fast. To quote Rays patron Dick Vitale, Longoria is PTP. He is going to be David Wright-South. If not this year, sometime soon he will be in running for a few MVP Awards. And he drives the ladies in Tampa nuts.

The Sorry Dude, The Bandwagon’s Full Award: Lil Wayne, Rob Schnieder, and Jeff Foxworthy – I don’t care how “in” rooting for the Rays is. B-list celebs only look even sadder try to hype themselves by putting on Rays hats. Hey Mr. Wayne, you might have survived Hurricane Katrina, but you’ve never seen suffering unless you sat through a Casey Fossum start.

Best Use of an Afro: The Cowbell Kid. How much I miss the harmonious ring of cowbells.

Further reading:
Rays Index
DRays Bay

While watching Sunday night’s Arizona State versus Florida State women’s basketball game, one name stood out above all the rest. No, not the best player on each team (sorry, I am not a big women’s hoops fan, I was just watching for FSU). What caught my attention was the announcers’ mention of ASU Sun Devil guard Dymond Simon.

This is Dymond Simon:

The reason her name sounded so familiar?

This is former Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) competitor Simon Diamond:

Although I don’t think they’re related, one thing is for sure: I have watched too much pro wrestling.

Pitcher Curt Schilling hung up his spikes the other day. As a member of three World Series-winning teams and a veteran of 20-plus years, Schilling accumulated quite the career resume. Of course, all the pundits, prognosticators, sooth-sayers, and wise guys men are throwing in their two cents on whether or not Schilling belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame. What do they know?

I have already given my opinion. My mind was set over two years ago. Once again, I was ahead of the curve.

256.25 schillings will get you a ticket to the Hall of Fame (The Serious Tip, February 6th, 2007)

Because I am busy on bigger and more prestigious things right now, and because I blogged my rear end off last week, you, dear reader, are getting links to other people’s stuff. Enjoy.

- I haven’t read a Playboy Magazine in years. Apparently, the magazine just isn’t what it used to be. I am going to go out on a limb and think you could almost compare Playboy and Saturday Night Live. I think after reaching their heyday in the 70s, neither grew with the times. Then, after the explosion of the Internet and online media, both really struggled. Although SNL has started to design content for the online audience, Playboy might want to heed the 10 Ways Playboy Can Be Better from the NSFW blog Free Porn Star Pix (the title is a bit misleading, it is a blog about the porn industry).

- According to National Geographic, “Western tunes — even with no words — can convey emotion across cultural barriers“. This according to a study by the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany. The article claims Western music mimics the tone of the human voice more effectively than other forms of international music.

- Tim Niland of the blog Music and More listed the five albums that Shaped His Listening Habits. I always learn a lot from Tim’s blog of mostly jazz and blues reviews, and this time he lists some absolute classics like Miles Davis and John Coltrane.

In return, here is my personal list of five albums that molded my listening:

1) Soundgarden – Superunknown: This was my first rock album and set the tone for the type of rock I like. Between this and Pearl Jam’s Ten, I developed my rock sensibility around the “grunge” sound.

2) Public Enemy – Apocalypse 91 … The Enemy Strikes Black: This was among my first rap albums. When I first got into listening to rap I bought Heavy D and the Boyz, the Fresh Prince, and Public Enemy. Right off the bat I knew PE definitely had more to say than Will Smith and the Heavster. As I was just getting into politics, for some reason I gravitated to the realism of Chuck D. Not a bad decision for a 14-year old white kid from the suburbs who, embarrassingly enough, used to watch and read Rush Limbaugh regularly. (Then again, I was only 14. What did I know?)

3) Jimi Hendrix – Blues: This album got me into the blues. True story: way back in early 1996, I was on an overnight flight from Phoenix to Tampa. During one of the late night hours, I plugged my headphones into the armrest and started flipping through the airline music channels. On one of the channels I heard the DJ say something about Jimi Hendrix and Booker T and the MGs, then he plays Jimi’s version of “Born Under a Bad Sign”, which is still my favorite track on the CD. Needless to say, I made it my goal to find that song and this album. I still think it was a message from somewhere that at that particular moment I plugged in and that DJ introduced me to one of my favorite albums.

4) Clutch – Clutch: After a few years of listening mostly to gangsta rap (I went from PE to Ice Cube to Snoop and Dre), this album was one of two to get me back into rock (the other is number 5). Clutch’s second album has a little bit of everything – catchy lyrics, stories of pirates, tales of aliens and conspiracies, and even one of the best stoner jams I have ever heard. It’s heavy but not only coherent, but also intelligent.

5) Sublime – Sublime: I’ll admit, this album has just about entered the realm of the overrated. I don’t share the opinion that it is the absolute classic so many people suggest it is. The fact that every frat guitar player from Long Beach to Long Island has this in his repertoire definitely bugs the snot out of me. But Sublime, like Clutch, has a huge place in my musical history. It was the first album I heard that mixed rock and rap. Of course, the Beasties and Run DMC did it before Sublime, but something about the scratching and sampling in Sublime made me think that maybe I should check out some of that rock and roll stuff the kids were listening to.

Hopefully this list will get other people listing their most influential five albums. As long as nobody lists Yoko Ono, I think we will be alright.

(About the image: I don’t know if it is from this article or not, but back in 2007, there was a Colombian guitar maker who was making guitars out of AK-47s. I’d like to hang one of those above the fireplace.)

(Originally posted on ScalpEm.com)

Well, that was disappointing, although not completely surprising.

I’d like to say that the moment I heard the Seminoles were a 5-seed in the NCAA Tournament I prepared myself. I think I read something earlier this tournament that said the 12-seed upset is among the most common in tournament history. This year, of course, was no different.

Besides the Wisconsin-Florida State match-up, three out of four 5 vs 12 games this year ended in an upset. Arizona beat Utah and Western Kentucky defeated Illinois; only Purdue survived their match-up against number 12 Northern Iowa.

But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed last night.

That doesn’t mean I wasn’t wishing for one more Toney Douglas miracle.

The bottom line is Wisconsin played well. There is no doubting that. It was far from the prettiest game and Wisconsin upset the Florida State gameplan and rhythm all night. Although Douglas had 26, it was almost as if Wisconsin had locked the rest of the team in their hotel rooms. Outside of Chris Singleton’s 12, there was little contribution offensively from Douglas’s supporting cast.

Let’s run through the numbers of the M.I.A.:

Solomon Alabi: 20 minutes, 6 points. He was the recipient of a great assist by Derwin Kitchen in the first minute and then became invisible.

Jordan DeMercy: zero field goal attempts in 22 minutes. 1 point off a free-throw. Now I know a lot has been made in pro basketball circles about players like the Houston Rockets’ Shane Battier, who don’t put up numbers but their intangibles and their ability to be at the right place at the right time and stifle the other team lead to wins. But honestly, I don’t think Jordan DeMercy is the college version of Shane Battier. Zero field goal attempts, two assists, and one steal in 22 minutes is a little ridiculous.

Uche Echefu: Zero points in 18 minutes. Honestly, Echefu has been a role player for the Noles since Day 1. But still, in what was his last game in a Seminole uniform, I have to wonder if he thinks he did enough.

Deividas Dulkys: Zero points in 19 minutes. Zero for four in shot attempts. Now I am not saying Dulkys should have kept shooting until he hit something. He was not a main scoring option. Getting to the line once or twice might have been nice though.

Add all these up (6 points in 78 minutes, by the way), and it is obvious there was a lack of offensive performance on the part of a number of Seminoles. I am not saying they dogged it, nor am I saying they failed to live up to expectation. Wisconsin just took them out of their plan and the Noles had no other options than to hitch the reigns to Toney Douglas and see how far they go. Sadly, that was same strategy they had when Al Thorton was a Nole (which does lead me to think it may be coaching, but that is a post for another day).

Despite the underperformances, despite the fact that the refs may have knocked the Noles off their rhythm early in the game, despite the fact that the Wisconsin circus shot at the end seemed mysteriously guided by a divine hand (a.k.a. “luck”), there is nothing to be down about.  With the exception of Uche Echefu, most of last night’s invisible Seminoles were freshmen.

They will be better and we will be back.

Before I go, I would like to thank NoleCC and Bill From Tampa for the opportunity to talk basketball on ScalpEm this season. You guys made a great season even more fun. Thanks.

2008 Finish: 89-73, 2nd place in NL Eastern Division

SO LONG: OF Moises Alou (retired), P Luis Ayala, P Ambiorix Burgos (good riddance), OF Endy Chavez, 2B Damion Easley (too old), P Aaron Heilman (too ineffective), P Orlando Hernadez (too old), P Pedro Martinez (too hurt), OF Trot Nixon (too ex-Red Sox), P Ricardo Rincon, P Matt Wise

WELCOME: SS Alex Cora, P Elmer Dessens, P Casey Fossum (why?), P Freddy Garcia, P Sean Green, P Livan Hernandez (10 years too late), P J.J. Putz, P Tim Redding, OF Jeremy Reed, P Francisco Rodriguez, P Ron Villone

PROJECTED LINEUP
1. Luis Castillo 2B
2. Carlos Beltran CF
3. Jose Reyes SS
4. David Wright 3B
5. Carlos Delgado 1B
6. Ryan Church RF
7. Daniel Murphy LF
8. Barry Lyons C

Starting Rotation: Johan Santana, Mike Pelfrey, John Maine, Oliver Perez, Tim Redding
Setup: J.J. Putz
Closer: Francisco Rodriguez

Here is how everyone else’s Mets’ preview reads: The Mets, who choked away the last two seasons, bolstered their bullpen with the acquisition of K-Rod and Putz. The offense is still stacked with Wright, Reyes, Beltran, Delgado, etc, but the starting rotation is questionable after Santana.

Blah, blah, blah.

Here is what you need to know about the Mets:

They have no direction. The front office has no clue what they are doing and they think they still need to compete with the Yankees. Don’t get me wrong, I like Jerry Manuel, but time and my patience is running out on Omar Minaya.

The Mets have once again turned into the stereotypical large market club. They go through phases like that. The last six years however, they haven’t hesistated to throw around the dollars. But the problem with the Mets is the market has changed. Acquiring big names rarely solves problems. Continuously throwing money at free agents went out of style around the same time as Limp Bizkit.

So they had a bullpen problem for the last two years. Everyone knows big name closers are not the answer. Especially when the save is the most overrated stat in baseball and you break the bank signing the MLB record holder for saves in a season. I’ll give them credit on the JJ Putz trade. They dumped Heilmann and Joe Smith for Putz and Sean Green. Heilmann never fit in anyway. He is a four-inning starter. Now he is the Cubs’ problem.

I’ll give Mets credit for another thing, they are starting to play a few rookies, particularly LF’er Daniel Murphy. A few other rookies are beginning to permeate the pitching staff, to include Jon Niese, who is having a solid spring.

So what do I predict for the Mets this year? They will definitely be competitive. They may even win the World Series. If that happens, of course, I will deny saying anything bad about them. But for now, I have to complain. I’m a Mets fan, it’s my job.

Preseason Awards:

Mr. Sexy Time: David Wright. Does it get any easier than this pick? Yes, the Mets are chock full of good players, but some are on the downside of their careers (Delgado), some have peaked (Beltran), and some will only maintain (Reyes). Wright will win an MVP before all is said and done. Probably this year.

The Please Go Away Award: Luis Castillo. Castillo was good on the Marlins back in the early 21st century. In those yesteryears he could run, field, hit, and get on base. Now he is a punch-n-judy slap hitter with bad knees and little ability above that of the small bus kid Little League coaches put in right field (wait, that was me).

The Coolest Name in Baseball Award: Mets 3rd base coach Razor Shines. His name is Razor Shines. It doesn’t get funkier than that.

Further Reading:
MetsBlog
Faith and Fear in Flushing
Toasted Joe

I reached a new record this week. Including The Serious Tip, I blogged on four different sites in the last seven days. Check out the links:

Tues:
A preview of the Florida Marlins at Thunder Matt’s Saloon.

Wed:
A preview of the New York Mets at Thunder Matt’s Saloon.

Thurs:
A brief post over at ScalpEm.com about a conference at Florida State.

Fri:
A preview of the Florida State Seminoles over at Deadspin.

And of course, my posts here.

To paraphase the Wu-Tang Clan:

“So what’s like, I mean what’s like your ultimate goal in blogging?”

“Domination, baby.”