MichaelLortz.com/JordiScrubbings.com

May 28, 2009

Florida State University

Emerge Tampa Bay

May 28, 2009

Getting locked in your office at work is very depressing. Much thanks to the people down the hall for calling a locksmith.

May 23, 2009

Gave in. I was forced. But now that I am here I might as well make the most of it.

• Kelly Boynton Ber likes this.

Joined Facebook  May 18, 2009

The rumble started in the legendary Tarheel home of Crash Davis and Nuke LaLoosh. It grew through the Palmetto State, echoed off Stone Mountain, cascaded through the Panhandle, and shook the bay to its foundation. After a short absence, the Southern Thunder had returned to the Bay Area.

Buried under the hoops hoopla that was the Orlando Magic celebration was the promotion of “The Southern Thunder” Matt Joyce to the Tampa Bay Rays. Knowing mere minor league hurlers were no longer a match for the greatness of Southern Thunder, the Rays called up Joyce and sent down journeyman right-hander Dale Thayer. Although Thayer’s ‘stache will be missed, the Southern Thunder could not be denied.

Many feel it is destiny that Southern Thunder make his mark in a Rays uniform. Many moons ago, a gypsy woman foretold of a great “natural” that would come from a quarter short of a score east of ancient Atlantis. Behold, on the day of third day of the eighth month of four score and four years into the 20th century, 15 miles east of Tampa, Florida, Matt Joyce was born.

Born into prophesy, Southern Thunder first picked up the tools of his craft as a youth in the Tampa Bay area. As he grew in stature from a boy to man, his achievements grew from local legend to regional myth. To paraphrase the Sandlot, “people said he was less than a god but more than a man”. He was next in a long line of talent that included Wade Boggs, Tino Martinez, Dwight Gooden, and Gary Sheffield. He was indeed the Tampa area’s next “natural”. Then he was drafted by the Detroit Tigers and nearly forgotten.

Fortunately, the bright minds of the Tampa Bay Rays front office knew enough of the Legend of Southern Thunder to bring him back to Tampa in exchange for inconsistent flamethrower Edwin Jackson. It was as if the planets aligned and the gods spoke down from the heavens. Southern Thunder was coming back to the Land of the Lightning.

And now, after a short stint tearing the cover off the ball in charming southern towns such as Durham and Charlotte, Southern Thunder is back in the big leagues and ready to rule in the formerly aptly named Thunderdome.

Of course, and as to be expected, Southern Thunder rang true in his return, taking the Twins’ Nick Blackburn deep in his second at-bat.

Welcome back, Southern Thunder.

(Picture not of Southern Thunder, but of an Elvis impersonator of the same name.)

Quick post:

I wrote a post over at Thunder Matt’s Saloon about the Sports Illustrated article that supposedly claims an umpire told pitcher Randy Johnson what to throw in a 1993 game. Much credit to One More Dying Quail for his research.

Lately, I’ve blogged a bit about the Rays players’ at-bat music. It is a subject that combines music and sports, which, if you have read this blog for any length of time, are subjects I like writing about. Anyway, Rays minor leaguer Fernando Perez has a great blog entry in the New York Times about his choice in at-bat music and some of the thought process that goes into a good at-bat song. (H/T Rays Index)

By the way, how would you like to switch places with Fernando Perez? Last year, in a matter of a week, he met then-candidate Barack Obama and military commander General David Patraeus, and now he is blogging for the New York Times. All this with only 23 games in the majors. I guess that’s what you get for going to Columbia.

Over the last few days the sports blogosphere has been all sorts of abuzz over a quote in Sports Illustrated by former Mariners catcher Dave Valle. In an article on Randy Johnson, Valle is quoted as saying that an umpire called the pitches for Johnson during a 1993 game.

This shocking revelation was first brought to my attention by blogger OMDQ on the blog One More Dying Quail. OMDQ analyzed all of Johnson’s ’93 starts, found out who umpired, did a few hypothetical guesses and determined that the most logical candidates are either umpires Tim Welke or Ed Hickox. To OMDQ’s credit, he is a huge baseball fan who I believe has even worked at the Hall of Fame.

The next day, the same revelation was blogged about on Deadspin. There, blogger Tommy Craggs found the same list of umpires as OMDQ, but came up with different logical conclusions. Craggs used umpire Jim McKean’s background of calling no-hitters as evidence that perhaps he was the likely culprit.

So who is right? Is it the wisdom of the popular Deadspin? Or the insightful pondering of OMDQ? Or could Valle be taking the sports world for a ride?

Whatever the truth, I’ll give Valle credit, he has created a new baseball myth. However, unlike the Babe’s called shot or the antics of Leo Durocher or the exaggerated abilities of the Negro League legends, Valle’s story does nothing but hurt the game. By associating an umpire with the direct actions of a player, Valle calls into question the credibility of those in authority of the national pastime. This isn’t like an umpire duking it out with an annoying fan after the game or even throwing down with Ty Cobb after the Georgia Peach didn’t like a few calls. This is an impartial arbitrator crossing the line and influencing the outcome of a game. And in the wake of crooked NBA ref Tim Donaghy and the still open scar of baseball’s own steroid era, a baseball myth that calls into question the sanctity of the game is the last thing the sport needs.

So to Dave Valle and the unknown ump, thanks for nothing.

For those who thought the Cold War is over, think again.

According to super secret documents acquired by Bothan spies, a squad of select sex-selling Soviet sympathizers sabotaged Wrestling911.com, a site run by the Snowman, a friend of The Serious Tip.

In an exclusive interview conducted with The Serious Tip, the Snowman claimed several individuals broke into Wrestling911 headquarters by using the spare key he stashed in a plastic rock by the rear entrance.

“I thought I was safe,” he proclaimed. “The box said the rock would deter intruders. Heck, I didn’t even know where I hid the key sometimes. That rock was tricky.”

Once inside Wrestling911 headquarters, the intruders hacked the mainframe, populated the pages with Russian sex product ads, and stole all the money out of the coffee fund.

“I guess these guys were really desperate,” Snowman said. “Times must be tough when you have to steal our last four dollars and fourteen cents. That was for the Christmas party entertainment. We were going to get a dancer or two.”

Although the Snowman insisted the site will be back to normal by sometime Tuesday, he has since redirected Wrestling911.com visitors to Youtube page.

There aren’t too many times in music when one plus one is greater than two. It happens on those rare occasions when two people’s combined talents make an album that is better than anything they could have individually put out. Think Miles and Coltrane, Muddy Waters and Dizzy Gillespie, Jimmy Page and the Black Crowes (ok, those are a few of the ones I have – I am sure there are more).

I bring this up because in the last year, two of my favorite rap duos have put out albums. Heltah Skeltah (Rock and Ruck) reunited to release “Da Incredible Rap Team”, their first album in 10 years, and Redman and Method Man released “Blackout! 2″, their follow up to their 1998 Blackout!.

D.I.R.T. was one of my favorite albums of 2008. As I said in my review:

“Old-school, grimy hip-hop. Very New York and very lyrics based.”

I wish I could say the same for Blackout! 2. Although others disagree, Blackout! 2 doesn’t come anywhere near the original, nor is it in the same class as the Heltah Skeltah albums.

Don’t get me wrong, the album has its high points (Seriously. One of the best songs is all about smoking weed.) but unfortunately it also has five glaring things wrong with it.

1) Chemistry – For two guys who have been in the game for at least 15 years each and have been working together for the last ten, I thought this project lacked chemistry. It lacked the bouncy cohesiveness seen in the first Blackout and in the Heltah Skeltah albums. There were far too instances of Method Man’s rhymes feeding off Redman or Redman’s lyrics feeding off Method Man. Maybe I was spoiled by Ruck and Rock’s teamwork, but I just couldn’t picture Meth and Red writing lyrics together or bouncing ideas of each other on this album. Their verses sound way too disjointed.

2) Production – The first Blackout! album had 19 songs, nine produced by Erick Sermon, three produced by Redman, two by the RZA, two by Mathematics, and the rest by other producers. There was a certain consistency to the album. On Blackout! 2 the consistency is gone. Thirteen different producers created the album’s 15 songs, and only two producers (Erick Sermon and Rockwilder) are credited with more than one song. And the RZA is surprisingly absent.

The idea of multiple producers wouldn’t be so bad if they all had similar visions. Unfortunately, that is not the case. There are far too many wanna-be club hits, too many “southern” beats, and too many songs that don’t seem to fit Redman and Method Man’s rhyming style. Too many of the beats overpower the rhymes, drowning out two of best lyricists in hip-hop.

3) Auto-tune – This kinda falls under “Production” but I wanted to make its own topic. I hate auto-tune. It is the worst thing to happen to rap. Too many producers and artists rely on it and use it to create garbage-sounding vocal sounds. It’s like a lazy plague on music that just won’t die. Had I known it would rear its ugly head on Blackout! 2 I might have had second thoughts about buying the album.

4) Redman – I hate to say this because I have been a big Redman fan for nearly 15 years, but he has not grown as a lyricist at all. Back in 2001, Rolling Stone called Redman “music to watch Jackass to“, and sadly that is still the case today. Red is like that family member who still talks about sneaking out to get beer in his 40s. Maybe I have outgrown Redman, but when Q-Tip, the aforementioned Heltah Skeltah, and even Method Man are writing rhymes that sound like they were written by someone over the age of 12, it might be time for Redman to grow up.

5) Length – Blackout! 2 is too damn long. It is 15 songs and two skits. First of all, skits suck. Unfortunately, they are a Redman staple (see 4). Had the production all been done by one producer (perhaps Erick Sermon?), it would probably be shorter. As it was, they tried to cram too much by too many people on to one album.

Although I might seem down on Blackout! 2, it is not a horrible album. Not at all. But it definitely is not as good as it should have been. I expected more from two of my favorite rappers. Unfortunately, for Blackout! 2, one plus one doesn’t quite equal two.

Earlier this week, ExecutedToday.com posted a blog acknowledging the anniversary of the death in 1781 of Incan rebel leader José Gabriel Condorcanqui, better known as Tupac Amaru II. About 190 years later, Black Panther Afeni Shakur named her son after Condorcanqui. You knew her son as Tupac Amaru Shakur.

(Odd tidbit: Tupac Amaru I, Tupac Amaru II, and Tupac Amaru Shakur were all executed between the ages of 26 and 39. The only other Tupac Amaru listed on Wikipedia is current Michigan state senator Tupac Amaru Hunter, 35.)

1781: Tupac Amaru II (Executed Today.com)

Here is the first video I remember seeing by Tupac Shakur, aka 2Pac:

By the way, at the 4:15 mark, even though everyone else is practicing good gun safety, Mr. Shakur couldn’t be more unsafe if he tried. Don’t be like 2Pac, kids.

This weekend, Anchorage, Alaska hosts the greatest event this side of the Whigham Rattlesnake Roundup. On Saturday, May 23rd, the World Beard and Moustache Championship returns to the United States for the first time since 2003.

What in the world is the World Beard and Moustache Championship?

According to it’s website, the Championship is a celebration of facial hair featuring “the world’s bearded and moustached elite”.

Not only is an exposition of the most flamboyant beards and moustaches around the world, but several men can even leave with the title of World’s Greatest. According to the site:

“The championships feature competition in a variety of categories that include everything from the delicate Dali moustache to the outrageous full beard freestyle. The competitors appear before a panel of distinguished judges charged with the responsibility of awarding the coveted world titles to the best of the best.”

Among the competitors are the famous Handlebar Club from London, the Australian Bushrangers, America’s Beardteam USA, and the hometown South Central Alaska Beard and Moustache Club. Some of the more well-regarded competitors include Elmar Weisser and Willi Chevalier of Germany and American Jack Passion.

It’s not too late to join the fun. The party begins tonight when the Beard Parade marches down the streets of Anchorage. Although we would like to have a bartender there, not only we are all broke, but we also forgot to apply for our media passes. So if you are going, drop us a line at thundermatts[@]gmail.com and we will let you write for us. You never know, it could turn into a full-time gig!

As I mentioned last week, Tampa Bay Rays batters are using the same at-bat music in 2009 as they did in 2008 (at least they were as of last Friday). I don’t know if the stadium hasn’t programmed new music, or the players haven’t picked new songs, or they all opted to keep the 2008 sounds going, but I think it is a bit strange.

I bring this up again because Hard Rock Hideout.com is reporting that the band Tantric is releasing a new album on July 21st. Tantric is of course the band responsible for the song “Down and Out” that Evan Longoria comes to bat to.

I wonder if a new Tantric album will mean Longoria will finally change his song. Interesting note: I would guess that save for a few weeks listening to Pantera, every home at-bat Longoria has had during career has been to the same song. Longoria probably leads the Rays in song/career at-bat percentage.

Thought of the day: I wonder if any MLB players pick their song to help drive the sales of artists they know. What if, for example, Evan and Tantric lead singer Hugo Ferreira were friends and Ferreira asked Longoria to come to the plate to a new Tantric single? Are there any rules against that? What if artists paid players to come to bat to their song? What if they did it without the team knowing? Is there anything in the contracts that say players can’t do that?

This weekend I saw the last presentation of Bat Boy: The Musical at the Carrollwood Playhouse in Tampa, FL. Being an avid reader of Weekly World News, I’ve been a Bat Boy fan since he was “discovered” in 1992. Now, thanks to the performers at the Carrollwood Playhouse, I was able to learn the true story behind the life and times of the most famous half-bat, half-boy this side of Batman.

First, a bit of a disclaimer. Bat Boy: The Musical was my first ever musical. Correction, my first voluntarily-attended musical. I went on a school trip to see West Side Story in 7th grade. So, in all honestly, I didn’t really know what to expect. But after reading a really good review by a fellow Tampa blogger, I figured I would take a chance and try something new.

It was a really good decision.

Although only generally influenced by the Weekly World News character, Bat Boy: The Musical follows the story of the Bat Boy from his discovery in a West Virginia cave to his “civilization” to his public revealing to his love, his loss, and then to his epic conflict in the final scene (sorry, no spoiler!). As the story unfolded, I saw a lot of different influences in the Bat Boy musical. The story was part Edward Scissorhands, part Tommy, part Romeo and Juliet, and part Frankenstein, with Simpsons-esque cultural commentary peppered throughout. As a fan of those influences, the Bat Boy story was right up my alley. It is definitely a story I would see again.

As for the performance itself, I thought everyone involved did an amazing job. The performers put on an excellent show and each scene and song was great and kept the story moving. The music, the lighting, and the background were also all well-done. When it was over, I hardly believed I was there for two hours.

Overall, I had a great time. There is no doubt if any of their other performances are anything like Bat Boy: The Musical, I am definitely making a return visit to the Carrollwood Playhouse.

For a review with pictures of the performance, go check out My Tampa Life.

Here is another in-depth review from a fellow Tampa writer.