Tampa-based writer/blogger/analyst/comic/creative semi-genius
Here is a video I took of the finale at the Willie Brown Blues Benefit Concert this past Sunday. This was a great show, as expected, and I hope to have a full review and maybe some more videos up soon. But for now, here is Lee Pons teaming up with the Backwater Blues Band to perform the classic “Crossroads”.
Here is an article I wrote for the print-only version of Tampa-based All-Star Wrestling’s September 2010 newsletter. Since the event occurred last weekend, I think it’s safe for me to post it here now.
Manager of Champions Surfaces at ASW!
Throughout his thirty years in the wrestling business, legendary manager and referee Bill Alfonso has acquired a reputation for knowing greatness. From his debut in 1978 to his recent appearance at Total Non-stop Action’s highest bought pay-per-view, “Fonzie” has either officiated or stood in the corner of the best of the best. During his time at Extreme Championship Wrestling, for example, Fonzie advised no less than “The Whole F’n Show” Rob Van Damm, “The Human Suplex Machine” Tazz, and the homicidal, genocidal, and suicidal madman Sabu.
On August 21st, without any advance notice, Fonzie visited Stroker’s Billiards and said hello to the stars of All-Stars Wrestling. No matter how long they had been working in the squared circle, every wrestler in ASW stood humble to the man who called it “right down the middle”.
Following a lengthy discussion with ASW ownership, Fonzie announced he would put on his familiar whistle and help one lucky ASW star in their quest for championship gold. Of course, ASW ownership opened up their wallets and their locker room to Fonzie. After once again talking to the entire ASW roster, Fonzie surprised everyone by choosing to throw his support behind the most diminutive star in ASW, “The Dancing Machine” Bobby Fonta.
A few days after their initial meeting, Fonzie travelled to Orlando to sit down with Bobby to talk strategy. As they strategized, fans from all over the world took to websites such as Wrestling911.com to discuss how Bobby Fonta went from afterthought to championship favorite. Fonzie even guaranteed that he had a plan for dealing with the notorious FXE, a group that has been a thorn in Bobby Fonta’s side for months. First, however, they had to defeat the well-traveled veteran David Mercury.
The next week Fonzie and Fonta took to the ring to go for the gold. Supported by Fonzie, Fonta had a little more pep in his step and rhythm in his shoes. Of course, Fonzie matched or maybe even surpassed Fonta in enthusiasm by blowing his customary whistle and wearing a bright yellow jacket bearing the names of his most recent clients, TNA superstars Rob Van Damm and Sabu, both of whom Fonzie managed (at the same time!) in the previous TNA pay-per-view.
For Fonta, the match against Mercury was the biggest contest of his young career. Although initially overpowered, Fonta leaned heavily on the advice of Fonzie as he valiantly grappled against the much larger Mercury. As Fonta eventually scored the upper hand, Fonzie continued to yell advice and words of encouragement for the young superstar. Throughout the match, Fonzie even provided water and a shoulder rub for his padawan, pushing Fonta to even greater heights.
Unfortunately for Fonzie and Fonta, after Fonta came back from yet another epic Mercury assault, the infamous members of the FXE came out from behind the curtain and surrounded the ring. As has been their style, the FXE gang interfered when the time was right, pulling Mercury outside of the ring and pummeling him with fists, elbows, kicks, and knees. With control lost and Mercury in no condition to continue the fight, the referee had no choice but to call the match a disqualification and award the victory to the bruised and beaten David Mercury.
With yet another match ruined by the FXE, Commissioner Joe Littrell entered the ring to reprimand the FXE members for the umpteenth time. This time, however, he was nearly assaulted by the brutish Biff Slater. Fortunately for the commish, Fonta and Fonzie came to his rescue. With some quick thinking and even faster flying, Fonta and Fonzie nearly decapitated Biff with a flying dropkick into a steel chair. A battered Biff had no choice but to exit the ring and join his FXE brethren in retreat.
Despite their loss, the record-setting crowd roared their approval for Bobby Fonta and his manager, the legendary Fonzie. The always smiling Fonta smiled a little larger as fans rushed the ring to get the team’s autograph and pose for pictures. Neither Fonta nor Fonzie left the ring until every fan left with a memento of the historic night.
As Fonzie has continued his tour around the state working on his upcoming documentary and visiting old friends such as Dory Funk, Jr. and Afa the Wild Samoan, Bobby “The Dancing Machine” Fonta has continued training and sworn revenge against those who cost him a chance at the ASW heavyweight title. Perhaps Fonzie will again be by his side.
Fonzie and Fonta: The Perfect Team.
For over 60 years, movies about marijuana have burned their way into our collective consciousness. We’ve gone Up in Smoke, been Half Baked and Dazed and Confused, watched a Next Movie, suffered from Reefer Madness, and asked ourselves How High we could get on a Pineapple Express. And now, thanks to filmmaker Abe Schwartz, we have our first weed movie about being absolutely, positively paranoid.
Although simple in concept, Schwartz’s Bad Batch brings out those dark fears that lurk in the shadows of every smoker. He exploits the one thing most potheads try not to think about, but deep down can’t ignore, especially if they don’t grow their own.
What if that bag of luscious herb contains more than just the sweet mary jane?
It’s every smoker’s nightmare and the best way to put the kobash on a very pleasant high. And speaking from experience, the characters in Bad Batch exhibit their paranoia perfectly.
Like any bad trip, Bad Batch starts innocently enough, with two friends driving to meet a new acquaintance, a Facebook friend who has promised a culinary delight guaranteed to bake those who partake (A friend with weed is a friend indeed!). Little do they know the dope was dealt by sketchy student practicing to be a rabbi. Needless to say, the kush was definitely not kosher.
After making their acquaintance, and polishing off the entire tray of brownies, the unsuspecting trio do what any group of smokers would do: mellow out and discuss the finer points of philosophy and love. But when their high lasts for over three hours, they start to suspect that something may be a little off.
Before they can postulate on their powerful pot however, a conflict occurs between the female character and the “smoother” of the male characters. After a swift knee to the nads, the male character leaves the house, leaving his friend and the nut-nailing kneer behind. That’s when things get really weird. That’s when they discover the cause of their bad batch.
Out of options and still really, really high, the female lead and the remaining male character wander the streets of their college town in search of their missing friend, all the while philosophizing and postulating on their predicament. Then, not only do they have car problems, but they are also told that their friend, he of the bashed-in balls, has tragically died.
Following a few more hours of mourning, grief, and of course paranoia, the remaining duo finds a phone, and attempts to formulate their way out of their disastrous night.
On a related note, I once had a similar experience. That’s why I don’t trust a strange dealer. Because you never know what you’re gonna get, especially when you buy from a rabbi.
Overall, I though Bad Batch was really good. It was an original contribution to the weed movie genre, and one that definitely accurately portrays the mind conditions of people who smoke something that they didn’t expect. If this is Abe Schwartz’s first feature, as the case said, I look forward to seeing more from him.
Before I conclude however, I do have one complaint. In the DVD version I purchased, the final minute of the movie skipped and the DVD eventually froze during the credits.
But that in no way takes away from the movie, which should definitely be watched at your next 4:20 party.
This weekend, it’s great tunes for a great cause!
If you didn’t read my interview a few months ago with Jason Rewald, the guy putting this whole show together, be sure to check it out.
Via the Misce-Looney-ous Blog comes this award-winning short about Wile E. Coyote.
I Shouldn’t Be Alive “Wile E. Coyote” from Carlo Olivares Paganoni on Vimeo.
I’m still working on a 1,000-word essay on Wile E. Coyote, so stay tuned.
By now you guys should know I am a huge music fan. If I’m not out and about or watching sports, cartoons, or movies, I’m listening to tunes.
How I get those tunes however, has gone through a small transformation in the past few years. Admittedly, I was really late in getting on the music download bandwagon. While friends of mine were using Napster way back when it first started, I finally downloaded my first album two years ago. Although I’ve download dozens of albums in the last few years, most of what I download is re-mixes, mix tapes, and free giveaways. I’m still a fan of going to the music store and buying CDs, getting the entire album, checking out the album art, and reading the liner notes. I’m old school like that and I can’t see regularly getting music any other way.
Although I am also a fan of supporting local businesses, my music buying habits have never effectively “gone local”. Even though the closest independent music store to my apartment, Vinyl Fever Tampa, was ranked 18th on Rolling Stone’s top 25 record stores in the country, I don’t have the incentive to make them my only music destination.
Maybe my music tastes aren’t unique enough. Vinyl Fever carries a lot of vinyl (of course) and hard to find stuff. My music tastes tend to fall outside of mainstream, but not quite independent. Take a band like Clutch, for example. They are one of my favorite hard rock bands of all-time. They have a few songs on the radio, usually one per CD, but have never had what anyone would call a mainstream hit. Although they have been around for over 15 years, you can’t find them at Best Buy and you may find one release if that at a mall music store.
When I looked for Clutch’s latest, I bought the only copy Vinyl Fever had. Maybe other rock fans had been scooping them up, but I doubt it.
Maybe I am being too specific, but I could also not find a few old school rap CDs I’ve been looking for, groups such as the Gravediggaz and Aesop Rock. I know I shouldn’t expect them to have everything, but I can’t figure out if going there will help me find what I am looking for.
Of course, I know I can order CDs through the store. I have done that on occasion. My problem with doing that is once again there is no incentive. I can order music through my local FYE or other mall music shop. There is no 10% discount or anything for ordering through Vinyl Fever.
That brings me to another point: cost. For the CDs I do find, and I do find things on occasion, Vinyl Fever is no cheaper than any other store. As a matter of fact, their usual $12-16 per CD was severely undercut by a sale at one of the local mall stores that marked every CD down to $9.99.
$9.99 for a Miles Davis, a Sly and the Family Stone, a Ghostface Killah, and a Black Label Society? I can’t turn that down.
If they are going to price their stuff the same or higher than the bigger vendors, it might help if Vinyl Fever Tampa had buyer reward cards. Perhaps if they created a community amongst their clientele and maybe gave one used CD free for every 10 new CD purchases. That would keep me coming back.
Finally, I also have a small complaint with their customer service. Normally, they are average to above average. However, there was an incident lately that really rubbed me the wrong way. A few weeks ago, I went there on a Sunday. Unfortunately, I was there five minutes before their opening time of noon. Noon passed and the store was still not open. 12:05 someone finally wandered out from the back and opened the door.
That’s it.
It would be have nice if the person acknowledged my presence, especially considering he was late opening the store. He could have said hi, maybe asked if I had been waiting long, and maybe even apologized for my wait. If he was really customer friendly, he could have offered 10% off one of my CD purchases.
That would have cost Vinyl Fever $1.60, but would have won them my loyalty.
As it is, I have no overwhelming reason to shop at my local record store.
(Apparently, a commenter on the Rolling Stone site doesn’t think too highly of them as well. I wish they had listed which Tampa-based record stores they thought were better.)
Here is some side footage I shot this weekend while working on the film project I have been engaged in.
Did you know the 25th anniversary of the first Golden Girls episode was last weekend?
Way back in high school, I tended the grill at the local McDonald’s. Due to my lanky build and, at the time, un-afro’ed hair, I drew a few comparisons to Waldo, the great wanderer.
Since I am not updating this site as often as I once was, but still popping up on other sites, I think I am well on my way to claiming another side of Waldo – the side that has him vanishing amidst untamed masses of humanity. In my case, however, I am vanishing deep in the bowels of the Innertubes, only to be found wherever large afros are sold.
But I digress …
My point is, in case you missed it, I appeared on two sites recently.
Over at RaysIndex, I explored the phenomenon of fans booing the home team. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it gets people into a kerfuffle.
About a week after that, over at ScalpEm.com, I compared the current Florida college football scene to post-World War I geopolitics. Trust me, it is more interesting than it sounds.
Well, there you have it. I’ll probably keep popping up over there and not as much over here at time goes on. Honestly, it is easier for me to contribute to an ongoing theme than to post randomness, at least until I am done with the big projects I am working on.
All will be revealed soon ….
It’s been a while since I did a link post and astounded you with my vast array of web trivia. I think it is time to astound again.
And yes, that is a bungee cord dress! Made with love by the Arthur J Bungee Memorial Fund.
P.S. The title of this post comes from Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.
(Originally posted on ScalpEm.com)
On the morning of the first big weekend in college football, I figured I would make my triumphant return to ScalpEm with an idea that has been marinating in my head for the last few months. This probably should have been written sooner, but I had to make sure my research was correct.
Before the season, I was thinking about how important this season is in the annals of Florida college football history.
Being an international affairs major and a bit of a history aficionado, this season reminds me of a very interesting point in 20th Century world history. Feel free to disagree, but I think the 2010-11 State of Florida college football season is very similar to post-World War I geopolitics. Now this may be the craziest thing you have ever heard, so let me explain:
Prior to World War I, empires still controlled much of the global geopolitical scene. During and immediately following WWI, the three of the biggest of these – the British Empire, the Ottoman Empire, and the German Empire (a fourth being the Austrian Empire) – were still relevant and had much sway on the discourse of nations. Entering the discussion, but not yet in the class of “Empire”, was a small upstart power called the United States.
For many years, the Florida college football season was likewise dominated by three major players. Like the post-World War I empires, the Florida Empires each face different challenges as they enter the second decade of a new century. And as they confront their own internal identity issues, a new power is slowing emerging, growing every year in strength and confidence.
In matching empires to Florida college football powers, one of the easiest connections to make is that of Florida State to the Ottoman Empire. From 1299 to 1922, the Ottoman Empire covered a vast stretch of land spanning from Algeria to Iraq, Hungary to Ethiopia. During that time, the empire was ruled by a Sultan, who doubled as the Islamic Caliphate, or religious leader. Although power was dispersed, the sultan was still the “supreme monarch”.
Kinda like Bobby Bowden.
Continuing the analogy, during the final few hundred years of its existence, the Ottoman Empire was in a state of stagnation, again not unlike Florida State during the 2000s. Although many believe a portion of the Middle East is still suffering from this malaise, the nation of Turkey recovered from the destruction of the empire thanks in part to new leadership and a new national philosophy. Whether or not new head coach Jimbo Fisher can guide the Noles back up after the plodding rule of Sultan Bobby I has yet to be seen.
The second empire analogy is the University of Miami to the German Empire. Here the comparison is more valid in the years following World War I, when Germany was stripped of many of its national privileges, including the ability to build a military-industrial complex. They also could not export or import at the rate they did prior to the war. Eventually, they looked inward, to a leader who invoked the brightest confidence in glory days gone by. A man who, despite his evilness, promoted an increase in German pride.
Please note, I am not comparing Randy Shannon to Adolf Hitler, AT ALL. However, the hiring of Shannon and the emphasis on his pro-Miami background was done to return a sense of pride in the Hurricane players. The idea that the name “Hurricanes” means something once again to the players is what is important. Team pride is on the rise in Miami thanks to Shannon and slowly they are rebuilding the war machine in an attempt to establish a new Reich.
Unlike the German Empire, which would rebuild and rise from the ashes of WWI and aspire for world domination a generation later, the British Empire was all but deflated after the First World War. According to the Almighty, All-Knowing Wikipedia, World War I crippled the British psychologically more so than physically. Will the University of Florida face a similar fate? Will the years of domination and competition combined with the loss of their most esteemed athlete ever cause UF to slip from the ranks of the elite? It is very possible that the UF fanbase could fall off the immense high they have been on for the last four years and end up like the bored and disinterested Red Sox Nation.
Besides an effect on their national standing, British prestige also took a hit after the Great War. Slowly those who saw allying with the British as the only way to go began to reconsider their options. This phenomenon is not unlike the most recent recruiting class, particularly the decision of highly touted running back James Wilder to attend FSU over UF among others.
Last, but definitely not least, is the University of South Florida. Not considered a major power until recently, USF’s rise to relevancy is similar to that of the United States. An outsider in global geopolitics immediately after the war, the US found itself on level ground with the Empires after the war due to circumstances and opportunity.
Unfortunately however, the United States withdrew from discussion and practiced isolationism for several years until the Great Depression and the Second World War thrust them back in the spotlight. Unless USF loads up their schedule with powder puff cupcakes and focuses only on the Big East, I do not see them taking an isolationist route. Only time will tell if their strategy of taking on the old empires head-on is a wise one, but I think new Head Coach Skip Holtz will carry the tradition of his predecessor and heritage and continue the stampede.
Of course, there have been many other changes throughout college football leading into this season. In the past few months, the headlines have proclaimed tales of new alliances, scandals, reloading, and rebuilding. Across the nation, programs have flexed their muscles (Texas), and had their muscles taken away (USC). But nowhere is the presence of change more prominent than in Florida. And now, as each major program in the state faces its first huge challenge of the year, fans can only watch as a new era of college football in Florida begins.