MichaelLortz.com/JordiScrubbings.com

In the baseball blogosphere, there are sites most writers strive to be on. Of course, there is ESPN and Sports Illustrated and other media conglomerates, but strictly baseball there is Baseball Prospectus, FanGraphs, and The Hardball Times.

Well, I am proud to say I made one of the above. Today appeared my first piece in The Hardball Times, in which I discuss Florida State head coach Mike Martin and his unfortunate streak of not being able to win a National Championship. I definitely hope to be published at The Hardball Times again in the future.

FSU Coach Mike Martin’s puzzling record – The Hardball Times

Been a while since I did a link post of the stuff that has interested me lately. I’m not sure what number this is, so I started at 3,472.

Since I have a lot to share, I’m going to do this by alphabetical category:

Alcohol:

Drinking Too Much, Blame Your Glass – Wired.com. According to a recent study, some types of glasses make it look like drinkers are not drinking as much leading them to drink more. As compared to the glass that looks empty causing them to re-fill it quicker. Drunk if you do, drunk if you don’t.

Infrared-Camera Algorithm Could Scan for Drunks in Public – Wired.com. Using body heat measurements, scientists have invented scanners that can give cops and other officers of the law a feel for if drinkers have reached a certain level. Of course, the cops have to be told what symptoms to look for. Probably more effective than waiting for the guys to start fighting or the girls to go “woooo!” and lose their shoes, keys, or phone.

Comedy:

An Anthropologist Walks Into A Bar And Asks, ‘Why Is This Joke Funny?’ – NPR.com (via Splitsider.com). A profile of an anthropologist who is using his on humor and human psychology to aid his stand-up comedy efforts and vice versa.

The Chase Is the Thing and the Thing is The Chase: Learning to Love Failure – Splitsider.com via Chris Gethard. If there was ever a post I should read and re-read on a regular basis, this is it. Whether in comedy, writing, or anything else, if you don’t fail, you get comfortable and stop aspiring. Gethard advises people to take chances, if even only for themselves. This is a must read for anyone trying to do anything.

It’s Never Too Late: 8 Comedy Late Bloomers – Splitsider.com. A look at eight famous comics who started later in their careers and achieved fame and fortune. Kinda inspiration to me, as I was 33 when I first ventured on stage. That’s the age Jesus was when he had a 12-man posse and was put to death for being too popular. So, I consider myself a late bloomer.

Busy Chris Rock Is Just Itching for Dirty Work – New York Times (via Splitsider.com) – 47-year old (holy crap, that old?) Chris Rock talks about comedy, movies, and his latest projects. He also talks about Grown Ups and it’s upcoming sequel. Personally, I thought Grown Ups could have been better, but looked like the kind of movie the people on the set had a great time doing.

Dinosaurs:

Will We Ever Find Dinosaurs Caught in the Act? – Smithsonian.com. Writer and dino researcher Brian Switek ponders the odds of finding two dinosaurs fossilized during copulation. What a way to go.

Spider-Man versus Dinosaur Duel Even Weirder Than It Sounds – Smithsonian.com. Switek looks at an old cartoon of Spider-Man taking on a dinosaur. This would be cooler if I could watch it, but unfortunately the government of Afghanistan has banned YouTube because of a certain video. So I am recommending Spider-Man versus the dino sight unseen.

Music:

Upon This Rock: Rock Music in St. Lucia – iandiyanola. An interview with rock musician Jason Sifflet from the island of St. Lucia and a look at black performers in rock music. Interesting to read Sifflet’s association of black rockers and cultural power. He also mentions the need to write the songs he wanted to write and play the type of music he wanted to play (echoing the aforementioned Gethard link). The dude loves his underground music.

Turkmen on the Turntables – Neweurasia.net. A whole slew of articles about hip-hop in Turkmenistan. The author believes hip-hop is the music of the youth and only through listening can the government understand where the youth are coming from.

Colombia: Guerrilla Group’s Peace Negotiation Rap Video - GlobalVoices.com. This is just weird. The FARC, a guerrilla group in Columbia, decided to respond to the government’s announcement that they are open to negotiations by releasing a rap song. Perhaps the FARC are like the youth in Turkmenistan.

Sound Science: The World’s Best Outdoor Music Venues – Wired.com. A look at great natural amphitheaters and other Earth-made places to see music.

Science:

Exploration Day and Why Exploration Deserves a Holiday – Wired.com. Writers Rhett Alain and Jeffrey Marlow explain why we should rename Columbus Day to “Explorer’s Day” and celebrate all explorers, from Columbus to Neil Armstrong and beyond. I think it is a great idea.

Zombies:

Zombies Versus the State in Omsk – GlobalVoices.com. A zombie parade gets into trouble with the law. The powers that be first ok’ed the parade but later rescinded their approval due to pressure from religious groups.

A few years ago, I had a co-worker who claimed to be decended from the infamous Donner Party. According to my co-worker, whereas part of the party turned to cannibalism, another part of the party created a type of bean-less chili to sustain themselves on their travels. My co-worker submitted this long-kept family chili recipe every year in our office chili cook-off.

One year, using a news report that an group of ancient aliens from Africa knew of a distant star in the Sirius star system, I decided to create a legend to my own chili. My co-worker got the joke, although most others didn’t. He laughed, and that’s what was important.

Anyway, here is the legend behind Dogan Traveler Chili. I don’t remember the recipe, so unfortunately this legendary chili will never be made again. Unless the Sirius aliens return.

Dogan Traveler Chili

About a month and a half ago, a group of beings from the Sirius star system visited the Dogan tribe of Mali. These travelers had planned on disguising themselves as members of the tribe, integrating into the culture, and learning about life on Earth.

Unfortunately, the travelers faced numerous difficulties. First of all, they stood nine feet tall, making blending in with a group of humans very difficult. Second, they could not communicate verbally. Because the travelers communicated among themselves via ESP, their vocal abilities had been neglected and were inable of being used. Third, they ate three times the amount of normal human beings, which tragically disrupted the Dogan’s delicate food allotment.

 After only two days, the Dogans became frustrated with their new guests. Many Dogan people, even those who at first welcomed the beings, began withholding food and treating the travelers with hostility.

Eventually, fights broke out and several alien beings were killed. Knowing their time on Earth was limited and they must make haste of else suffer at the hands of the angry Dogans, the remaining travelers attempted to leave Earth. Their plans failed, however, when they learned their ship had become disabled in the landing. So they did what any self-respecting space traveler would do: they offered to cook for the Dogan tribe.

As could be expected, the culinary skills of the travelers was limited. The only food they know how to make was an intergalactic peace chili traditionally made by the inhabitants of their star system. So the travelers cooked as good a chili as they had ever made before. The Dogan tribe had never had such a good tasting chili. After they were finished, the Dogan tribe invited the travelers to stay for as long as they live. Unbeknownst to the Dogans, inhabitants of the Sirius star system live over 800 Earth years.

The End.

Greetings all,

I am happy to announce I have passed a major milestone in my adventure in Afghanistan. As of September 15^th, I am halfway through my time here. This is the summit, the 13-mile mark in the marathon, lap 250 of the Daytona 500, and Super Bowl Halftime (without the accidental boob flash, unfortunately). There is still a lot of time to go, but instead of counting up, it’s time to start counting down – 182 and counting.

A lot has happened since I last wrote. In recognition of my six months here, here are six of the most prominent things that have occurred since my last update.

First and largest internationally was the Olympics. Working in an international environment definitely brought a new perspective to my Olympic watching experience. The games were an instant conversation starter with people from other countries, especially those who were quick to let others know when one of their fellow countrymen or women won a medal. I think because America has won so many medals, the significance of someone winning a medal has kinda died a bit for Americans. For good or bad, we need multi-medal streaks and dominance to be interested.

In few places was winning one medal more important than in Afghanistan. Talking to the locals I work with, all of them were excited and proud of Rohallah Nikpai, Afghanistan’s only ever medal winner and winner of the 2012 bronze in tae kwon do. Hearing their passion and enthusiasm was very impressive.

Overall, what I took most from the Olympics was that while the US media and broadcasts only seem to concern themselves with running, basketball, and swimming, there are so many more events that capture the interest of everyone else. From watching triathlons and horse showcases, to congratulating people of different countries on their national wins, I was able to experience the true scope of Olympics as never before.

The second most impactful thing that happened in the months since I last wrote was the Islamic holy month of Ramadan, which occurred from late June to late July. To say I was impressed by the fasting abilities of my Afghan co-workers is an understatement. Even more impressive was the fact that sun-up was around 3:45 AM and sun-down was around 7:30 PM. That’s almost 16 hours without food or drink. I thought about joining them and fasting for one day to sample what they do for the whole month but unfortunately I could never muster up the gumption. From a Western perspective, I couldn’t help but compare it to the Christian observation of Lent, although Ramadan has much more focus and dedication. One does not get by with only giving up chocolate, beer, or chicken wings during Ramadan.

Thirdly, I have not left the confines of my base in months. While this is great from a safety aspect – I am not exposing myself to the risks of being outside the gate, even though hundreds, if not thousands of people travel throughout Afghanistan without incident – it has led me to some interesting comparisons. For example, the other day I mentioned to a few people that I might as well be on Mars or any other intergalactic outpost. As I may or may not have a layover at another base in March when I fly back to the states, I might only ever see my base during my year here. I know my job is completely independent from culturally understand Afghanistan, but being a complete “base rat” is a little strange to me.

My fourth point definitely ties into my third. Although I have not been able to leave the base, over the last few months I have taken a lot of time to hang out and converse with people who are well experienced in this part of the world. Between talking to my Afghan co-workers to conversing with international translators who have been here several times to getting the opinions of long-time military vets who have been in this region for years, if not decades, I am learning a lot. There is no reason for me to not go back to the states smarter than I left. From what I have found out, too many people come here, settle into a groove, and then leave without discovering where they are or anything about the people or the culture they are trying to help progress. That’s not good at all.

What I have learned is that Afghanistan is a mess, and a very complicated one. There are no simple answers here. The outcome of Afghanistan is influenced by many other nationalities, cultures, and personalities, and that’s not even including the impact of foreign nations who are trying to get Afghanistan on board in the international community. There is a completely different outlook on the future here. It is not about robots, technology, or spacecraft, it is about power and survival. Afghanistan is part Pee-Wee Herman searching for his bike:

“Different questions get answered, different questions pop up. It’s like unraveling a giant sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting …”

And part Gil-Scott Heron’s poem “Whitey on the Moon”:

Taxes takin’ my whole damn check,
Junkies makin’ me a nervous wreck,
The price of food is goin’ up,
An’ as if all that shit wuzn’t enough:
A rat done bit my sister Nell.
(with Whitey on the moon)

Fifth, and on a more personal level, I started going to the gym regularly for the first time in years. I created workout plans for Tuesdays and Thursdays to get myself back in shape. Just eating better has allowed me to drop 10 pounds out here already. Not drinking any beer for six months has probably had a big part, of course. But I figure the working out will help me lose the other five I’ve wanted to drop for a while. On a side note, I have discovered running on the kilometers treadmill does wonders for self-esteem as I can crank up the treadmill speed to numbers that in miles would kill me.

“What do you mean 8 km/hr is only 5 mph? I’m flying today.”

Sixth and finally, it was my birthday last week. I am finally old enough to run for President of the United States. Although I am too late to throw my hat into this year’s election, I do fully intend on filing the paperwork for a run in 2016. I’ve wanted to run for president since I was 18. I know I can count on one vote (my own) and I think my mom will vote for me. That’s two. I only need 50 million or so more.

I want to close with one final thought: I read an article on a deployed service member and he said that while on deployment, the lives of your family and friends move on, while yours stands still. I don’t think that is the case at all. I think I am still progressing as a person, getting smarter, and learning. My life is just playing on a completely different sheet of music for a while. Of course, getting back will mean returning to the rhythm of a different world, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

Overall, it’s been a fun and interesting six months. I am eager to see what the next six have in store.

(How fitting that I wrote this post just as Star Wars fans around the world were swarming to defend their turf against a Miami TV station that belittled their passion.)

Those who know me or read this blog regularly know I am a big Star Wars fan. I wouldn’t say “huge”, but definitely “big”. I watch the movies regularly, drop Star Wars quotes when I can, read Star Wars books when the fancy strikes me, and have always kept a Yoda Pizza Hut Magic 8-ball figure by my work computer at different jobs over the last six years.

Born in 1977, I was raised on Star Wars. The phenomenon started being a big part of my life when I was knee-high to a Jawa. According to my folks, Empire Strikes Back was among one of the first movies I ever attended. Then my father took me to see Return of the Jedi opening day.

Somewhere along the way, however, things changed. For years I would barely admit being a fan. I wouldn’t admit I read several of the first wave of post-movie books. I wouldn’t admit to watching the movies regularly, I wouldn’t let anyone know I knew a boatload of useless Star Wars trivia, and I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a Star Wars shirt. Only geeks were big Star Wars fans and although I liked the movies, I wasn’t a geek. Girls didn’t like geeks and most of the girls I met wouldn’t dare admit being big Star Wars fans even if they were.

All through junior high, high school, and my four years in the military I suppressed my Star Wars fandom for what could only be called “the sake of fitting in”. Like most people who struggle with social acceptance in junior high and high school, I definitely didn’t want to be an outcast. In the military, with it’s alpha-male heirarchy, sci-movie geekdom is not looked highly upon – although I did hang with some folks who were fans and we did wait in line for three hours to see Episode 1 the night it opened.

In total, outside of seeing the releases and the sequels and reading Shadows of the Empire, I did very, very little to advance my fandom of Star Wars from the age of 14 to my mid-20s. I passed myself as a “normal” fan and suppressed my affection for something I grew up with. Sports and music were much more acceptable and I liked sports and music, so sports and music it was.

In my late 20s, not long after Episode 3 came out, I started to open up to Star Wars again. That’s when I began committing my entire weekend to watching Star Wars marathons on Spike and read Vector Prime, the first book to kill off a major Star Wars character. That’s also when when I dove back into the Extended Universe and started spending more and more time on Wookieepedia, filling in the gaps in situations and characters that developed in the 10 or so years I was out of the loop.

About this time I also started reading a lot of blogs and other non-professional, independent internet writing. I realized there were a lot of people like me. People who liked sports and Star Wars and music and let all their interests mutually co-exist in their lives. People who also dropped Star Wars references in their writing as they, like me, had been influenced creatively by the mind of George Lucas. People like Jason Fry, blogger at one of my favorite blogs “Fear and Faith in Flushing“, a Mets blog heavy on writing and fan perspective and a huge influence on my work at Rays Index.

(I eventually found out Fry is also the author of several Star Wars books such as Star Wars: The Essential Atlas, The Secret Life of Droids, and Star Wars: The Essential Guide to Warfare (yes, a military book about Star Wars!). Did I mention Fry quickly became one of my favorite writers?)

As I was rediscovering what I loved as a kid, the world was becoming cool with geek culture. While shows such as “Big Bang Theory” showed nerds in a semi-positive light (I think I have seen only two episodes ever), websites and popular internet memes based on geek culture grew in popularity. As did the development of online communities where more and more people started talking about their fandom. By the end of the 2000s, “geek”, “nerd”, and “dork” lost their negative connotation and were usurped by the very people formerly derogatorily described as such. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe society’s acceptance pushed me along, or maybe both were gaining the confidence to say “This is what I like. If you don’t like it, I don’t care.”

The culmination of my Star Wars revival occurred in 2010 when I went to Star Wars Celebration V in Orlando. Although I was excited to go, I was a little intimidated upon arriving at the Orange County Convention Center. Again, my fear of being lumped in with “the geeks” and the “socially awkward uber-fans” played tricks on my subconscious. I told myself I was going to check out the convention and observe the fans and that was all. I was an observer, an admirer, but not really part of the community. I didn’t think I wanted to be.

I was wrong.

As I wrote in my blog post describing the convention, I had a great time, despite my initial preconceptions. The people there weren’t geeks. They were people just like me. People of all ages, races, creeds, colors, species, and planetary systems who had an admiration for Star Wars in some way, shape, or form. Although I was still slightly behind in my knowledge of the entire Star Wars timeline, there was no barrier of wisdom for enjoying the convention. As there were probably people there who had read every book and seen every movie and cartoon, there were probably people there who had only seen the movies. Maybe even less than that. I figured I was probably right around average.

I was an average Star Wars fan.

Also I mentioned in my blog post, my day at the convention ended by seeing Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi with hundreds of other fans. The viewing might have been normal for regular convention goers, but for me it was an awakening. There I was, surrounded by other people who knew these movies and watched them just as I had for over 20 years. After the movies were over, I knew there was no doubt I was part of the Star Wars fan community.

These days, my Pizza Hut Magic 8-Ball Yoda still sits by my work computer screen; I have Jason Fry’s latest book sitting on my desk, waiting to be opened; I recently had fellow Rays fans send me a Rays commemorative Star Wars Day shirt;  I am sleeping on old school Star Wars sheets; and I couldn’t resist buying an incredibly interesting looking Star Wars bootleg DVD set. I’ve accepted the fact that I am a Star Wars geek/nerd/uber-fan, even it means taking guff from the still-alpha-male dominated, non-nerd military culture I am working with here in Afghanistan.

Meanwhile, for the rest of the world, Star Wars fans are no longer considered geeks and outcasts and nerds and whatever other insults the “in-crowd” used to throw their way. It is acceptable to be a Star Wars fan as Star Wars is more popular than ever. And as new fans enter the fold, I am proud to say I saw most of the movies opening day/night, own several copies of each movie, have a book shelf of full of Star Wars novels, I’ve been to a Star Wars convention, and I am a Star Wars fan.

This picture was taken in Medieval Times in Kissimmee somewhere around 1993. I’m guessing this picture was taken in 1993 when I was 15 years old and maybe 140 lbs. I have no idea what I did to my knee.

If I am lucky this pic will get picked up in a collection of awkward pictures from the early 1990s.

Do you think I should have grown up to be like that knight?

This week I am featuring several humorous photoshops created by the world-famous Snowman of the Afro-Squad. Snowman has been doing these pictures for years and I have been fortunate to be his subject of photoshop on a few occasions. The next few days will feature some of my favorites. Check out the rest of Snowman’s work at Afro-Squad or like his Facebook page at HumorSquad.

This week I am featuring several humorous photoshops created by the world-famous Snowman of the Afro-Squad. Snowman has been doing these pictures for years and I have been fortunate to be his subject of photoshop on a few occasions. The next few days will feature some of my favorites. Check out the rest of Snowman’s work at Afro-Squad or like his Facebook page at HumorSquad.

This week I am going to feature several humorous photoshops created by the world-famous Snowman of the Afro-Squad. Snowman has been doing these pictures for years and I have been fortunate to be his subject of photoshop on a few occasions. The next few days will feature some of my favorites. Check out the rest of Snowman’s work at Afro-Squad or like his Facebook page at HumorSquad.

This week I am featuring several humorous photoshops created by the world-famous Snowman of the Afro-Squad. Snowman has been doing these pictures for years and I have been fortunate to be his subject of photoshop on a few occasions. The next few days will feature some of my favorites. Check out the rest of Snowman’s work at Afro-Squad or like his Facebook page at HumorSquad.