Here is another essay I wrote 10 years ago for an Article and Essay class. It is about my experiences while deployed to Bosnia-Herzegovina in 1998-99. Being that I am headed for another long trip working with the military, I think it is fitting to post this here now.

Everything was in place for a good meal: good food, good conversations, good people, and machine guns.  The fortunate, like me, had 9mm pistols instead of M16 rifles.  Thousands of miles from home, it was time to eat at Camp Bedrock, Bosnia-Herzegovina.

To this day I am thankful the Army knew the importance of food on the morale of a soldier.  The dining facility (aka cafeteria) was nothing to laugh at.  It was one of the few semi-permanent buildings on a makeshift basecamp on the top of a rock quarry.  Possibly its best feature was that it was open 24 hours a day.  Bland white walls with our unit crest –the 1st Cavalry Division horse head- posted throughout, marked its interior like a bad attempt at brainwashing.  In the corners of the dining facility sat two large screen televisions, permanently set on the Armed Forces Overseas Network.

We took shifts from duty throughout the day to enjoy a meal made by local Bosnian workers.  Usual American entrees graced the buffet-like area.  An array of vegetables, starches, and meats were on my plate as I walked out to the seating area.

Work in the command post introduced me to many of the other soldiers in my unit.  After a second perusing who was in the dining facility, I knew exactly whom I wanted to eat with.  I walked over to the long white table and took a seat on the plastic white chair right across from Sergeant First Class Smith, Uncle Kev to his friends.

Uncle Kev was an army “lifer”, with about 16 years in service.  A short guy, with a bit of an attitude, he loved to rub people the wrong way.  To his friends and others who may be fortunate enough to share his extremely dry wit, Uncle Kev was the man.

Sitting besides me at the table was Specialist Wayne.  Wayne was very unique, to say the least.  He was one of the few people I have ever met who called his beer belly a “Buddha Belly” and claimed it attracted women.  Wayne’s physical “attributes” didn’t end there.  He would often have trouble eating due to the fact that he lost his two front teeth.  This unfortunate predicament led Uncle Kev and I to dub him the OTB, or Old Toothless Bastard.

In the Army, everyone has their share of nicknames and I wasn’t an exception.  While in Bosnia, I was known as Lawdy Law (a play on my last name), Busta Zit (for a never forgotten large pimple I had on my forehead for a day), to the HEB- Hoagie Eatin’ Bastard (for my habit of getting late night dining facility sandwiches).

There was never any of the stereotypical military speed eating when Uncle Kev, Wayne, and I were together.  We would constantly poke fun at any target we could find, to include each other.  None of it was malicious; it was all good-natured fun.  Being quick with either a comeback or a new subject was a necessity.

Although we rarely went to the dining facility during prime meal time hours when the dining facility was packed with people, we were never alone.  Because of the around the clock nature of the US peacekeeping mission in Bosnia, there were always soldiers coming to and going from the dining facility.  These soldiers provided some of the most ample targets for humor.

One afternoon, for example, a soldier with an extremely large head entered the dining facility.  Uncle Kev was quick to whisper to Wayne and I that we should look to our left.  Whispering was a very handy tool used quite often when talking about people in our vicinity.  Sure enough, when we saw what Uncle Kev was referring to, Wayne and I laughed.  He did have a huge head.  Then Uncle Kev joined us in laughter, with others in dining facility left to wonder what was so funny.  Situations like that made it very hard to get any food eaten so we could return to work.

After our seven months being stationed in Bosnia, my unit deployed back to the states.  Although Wayne, Uncle Kev, and myself would get together to eat sometimes, nothing we said or did would compare to the times when humor got us through the day thousands of miles from home.

I am going to Afghanistan for a year. I am leaving sometime in late January or early February.

Now that I have the summary out of the way, I want to write about why I am going and a few of the things going through my head in regards to this trip.

First, the financial side. This is easy. I got a job, which is great news. After nearly a year of floating around, working at jobs that didn’t fit, or trying to make ends meet with freelance gigs, I figured it was high time I got a job that would allow me to make some money. With all my experience working with the military, a job in Afghanistan allows me the ability to make up for lost income and save money for when I get back, since who knows what positions will be available and how the defense budget will look when I get back.

That said, I am not going just for the money. There is a scene in Star Wars: A New Hope after Han and Luke rescue Princess Leia when Princess Leia denigrates Han for thinking only about the cash and not for the deeper meaning of his actions.

HAN: It is for me, sister! Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money!

LEIA: You needn’t worry about your reward. If money is all that you love, then that’s what you’ll receive!

She angrily turns, and as she starts out of the cockpit, passes Luke coming in.

LEIA: Your friend is quite a mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything…or anyone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this scene and how Han Solo went from mercenary rogue in A New Hope to leader of a community and man with a purpose by the end of Return of the Jedi. Although I was never a smuggler living life on the lam, I can see how I had few of the wrong things in common with Han.

(Yes, that was a weird Star Wars tangent, and I apologize, but it was relevant to me.)

While I was not steadily employed I did a lot of thinking about my life and career and whether or not I was happy with its current direction. Looking back, I definitely was not. I wrote about this before, but although I was making money and that made me successfully happy, I never could envision long-term happiness until I found something new. Many of the people I talked to called this “following your heart” and I like that term. Not everyone gets to do that, but because I don’t have anyone currently depending on me for their life essentials, I think it’s time I gave it a try.

(Another quick aside: My friend Andrea has a really good post on her blog about following your dreams. She is also trying to figure it out.)

But there is a big problem with following your heart and making a career change: I have to start at the beginning. I have to work my way up from the bottom and I have to network all over again. That’s not easy, it takes time, and odds are I won’t be making much money while in the nascent stages of a new career. Going to Afghanistan and making a year’s worth of tax-free income will provide a nice economic cushion for whatever route I choose.

Maybe my new career will be in writing. If you are familiar with this site, you might know I’ve done quite a bit of that, whether writing about the Tampa music scene, sports, or other miscellaneous projects. I don’t think it would be too much of a stretch to continue to write in Afghanistan during my time outside of the office. I’m sure I could work on my short stories and maybe even write a book review or two. My writing network might weaken a bit from time being out of the loop, but it won’t disappear. And there are several projects I am sure I’ll be able to step right back into when I get back to the US.

One of the other thoughts I have had upon my return is a tour of various minor league baseball parks. I talked to a few people who did this during the 2011 season and although costly, they found it fun. And it would fall in very well with my work with Bus Leagues Baseball.com.

I could also take the money I make and use it as the backbone of life as a road comic. This would be much more difficult, but I do have some experience on stage. Not much, but some. And I could travel around the US doing open mics and attempting to network and make a name for myself. Maybe I could go to New York City or Los Angeles for a year and submerge myself in their respective comedy scenes and not have to wait tables like many struggling beginning performers do.

I’ve also visited and exchanged emails with the professors of the University of South Florida’s anthropology department in regards to starting PhD work in August 2013. I am especially interested in working in media anthropology, or the study of media-based creative culture to include fan groups, wide-spread social media usage, and being what Professor Henry Jenkins of University of South California calls an “aca-fan”, or academic fan. Some of the writing I have done on this blog has leaned slightly in that direction in an amateur way, and I think further pursuing that would be a great fit for me. Of course, PhD programs are not cheap, and the money made in Afghanistan will help me pay for this venture.

Am I scared about being in one of the worst places in the world, in a place where there are people who likely want to see me dead? Of course. But that fear is tempered by the fact that I know there are people there who are trained to protect civilian workers such as myself and they are very good at their job. I am also reassured by the dozens of people I know who have been over there already and have come back healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Also comforting is the fact that I will not be there alone. There are friends of mine, some from my career and some from college, who are there right now and some who will be showing up during my time there. As of this time, I am not sure exactly where I am going as there are many US bases in Afghanistan, so I don’t know if I will run into anyone I know, but I’m sure they will be going through many of the same experiences I will be going through.

I am also reassured by the fact that I have gotten emails and even Facebook comments from friends while in Afghanistan which leads me to believe that I can stay in touch, albeit not as often as when I am home. It won’t be the face-to-face, but at least it’s communication, which is a good thing. I’m not sure how my access will affect this blog, my other blogging endeavors, or my ability to post on twitter, but there are strings available to keep me in touch. And I will be sure to share my physical address when I find that out.

Will I miss my family and friends? Definitely. There is no doubt I will miss seeing my parents, my brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my 4-year old nephew. They are a big part of my life and being away from them for a year is going to suck, point blank. But when I was in the military years ago, I would only come home for Christmas and this is not much different than that, although the me back then was a 19-21 year old me, a less mature me, a more adventurous me, a less-family conscious me, and one that didn’t value the connections as much as I do now. I’ve also been thinking that various people go away all the time, such as military members of course, and inmates. And I have a leg up on inmates, they go away longer and don’t get paid as much if they do at all.

On a sorta related note, like having to start over professionally, I am a little worried about how this trip will affect me socially. Although I have plenty of friends and people to hang out with, I’ve been single for a long time and lived by myself for most of my time in Tampa and am just now realizing how kinda silly that was and is. While I am sure I won’t have my own tent or room or whatever other living arrangements there are in Afghanistan, I am also pretty sure I won’t be doing any dating over there and the odds that I meet a woman over there that becomes a friend stateside that I could hang out with regularly is probably pretty low. So the social life that I want to work on to has to be put on hold for a year. But like any other goal, as long as I keep what I want in mind and remember not to fall into another social rut, I should be ok.

Sorry this is so long, but it is my blog and this is what I am thinking about in regards to going to Afghanistan. It’s going to be a lot of work packing, putting things in storage, and preparing, but I am sure I will be ready when the time comes. I’m planning on putting a few more posts on this blog between now and the end of January, so I will be around for a little while longer, but I wanted to tell everyone what I know now so it’s not too much of a shock when I do take off.

First, I found this really interesting article on National Geographic on the development of angel mythology. I think it is very interesting to see how the images that we think have been around forever have developed.

Evolution of Angels: From Disembodied Minds to Winged Guardians – National Geographic

Second, according to the image below, the US Department of Defense employs more people than any other organization in the world. That’s insane. Defense departments don’t produce anything tangible for common consumption. They don’t produce cars or food or chairs. They pay for non-tangible items such as intelligence or they produce items other elements of the defense department use in national defense or offense against other nations. The sad thing is that these products need to be used. If we didn’t use the missiles we make, we would have a huge surplus and no need to manufacture any more. Which would leave people unemployed. Not the smartest or most peaceful way to propel an economy, I guess.

Now a few music links that I checked out this week:

Over in Indonesia, government foot their foot down on punk rock musicians and fans. On December 24th, there was a solidarity march in support of the members of the  punk rock community the government oppressed.

Here is a cool website on Afro-Peruvian Christmas music. Some neat stuff there, with video.

Another site I recently found, SeaIndie.com, showcases Southeast Asian Indie Pop Rock. I wouldn’t normally listen to this, but they have whole collections for free, and it is oh so happy, poppy, and catchy. Yippie!

Whereas SeaIndie.com covers all of Southeast Asia, Popscene MNL focuses only on the Philippines. They have eight mix CDs for free on their site. I couldn’t resist, I downloaded four of them.

I never understood any of it. I have always subscribed to the notion that the military was a reflection of society and should even be more forward on social causes than the general populace, not less, whether in the areas of sex, race, religion, or sexual orientation.

Recently, I’ve read several articles by authors who feel the military system is changing too much. Articles like Philip Ewing’s October 2011 piece “It’s No Longer Our Military, It Hasn’t Been For Years” and Robert D. Kaplan’s 2007 piece “On Forgetting the Obvious” speak about a changing in attitude towards the US military and how that attitude is slowly permeating our fighting forces, and how this nonchalant attitude towards national security could render the military less effective than in years past. Both authors claim those in the service understand their mission more than the general population of the United States and therefore the American citizenry should be forced to do more, including possibly drafting citizens (or maybe non-citizens) into the military.

But these arguments are flimsy at best, false propaganda for the military-industrial complex at worst. They are the same arguments people used to keep African-Americans in separate units, keep openly gay Americans out of the military, and continue to keep women from combat arms positions. The bottom line is that these arguments do not reflect the reality of today’s American culture. They do not reflect a global world view in which cultures are connecting and merging more than ever before. Yes, there are cultural hotspots, both in America and across the world, but they are growing smaller and we are learning how to deal with them better with every passing day.

This growth in multi-culturalism has created a new and different American identity – one not based on nationalism or even civic pride, but based on smaller communities of brands, industries, groups, sports teams, or even forms of entertainment. I would not be surprised if Mac, iPhone, iPod, and iPad users rate their loyalty to Apple higher than they do to America. For many, this would be an unspeakable wrong, but if it is true, it is the reality we live in.

Whereas Kaplan bases his idea on theory (making it difficult to factually counter), Ewing tries to use selected statistics to promote his argument. He cites Robert Burns’ recent article on military member’s views on the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars as reason for a civil-military disconnect. Burns discusses a Pew Research Center study claiming military members believe the wars are worth fighting more so than civilians. Ewing states this as a reason the American public doesn’t “get” the military’s mission. However, this logic is put to the test by another Pew Research Center statistic that says military members on the front lines believe the war is worth fighting more than those who haven’t seen combat.

So the closer people are to something and the more they put their time and effort into it, the more they believe in it? That has nothing to do with politics, the military, or war. That’s human nature. There are automobile commercials that hinge on that very premise.

There is no doubt in my mind a non-volunteer army would not work – forcing people to fit into the American military culture would be resisted. It was resisted in the 1960s and would be even more resisted today. Logically, it doesn’t make sense. How can elected leaders force those who voted for them to die for them? Lawmakers don’t force people to vote or participate in the political process, why force them to be involved in the military process? Just like voting results are their decision, if the majority of the American people want to be under Chinese, Russian, or even Sharia rule, that is also their decision. That’s the true definition of democracy. If a minority moves from another land, becomes a majority, and enacts their own laws and rules, then that is the natural evolution of the laws of the area. The Native Americans can attest to that. Maybe the American general populace of Ewing and Kaplan will react only after such rules have been enacted. But again, if they do so, that’s their decision.

In my experience and what I have told prospective recruits for years, is that you have to want to be part of the military lifestyle. Especially in today’s American culture where we promote individuality and the celebration of differences, assimilating into the military way of life is not for everyone. The strict rigidness of the military is so different from the business world or civilian life. For those used to an artesian perspective, the military does not promote a sense of creativity. For those used to a business perspective, the military lacks adaptability as there is no “competition” and the inability to expressively define freedom creates an ambiguous end-product people with a business mind are not familiar with. One-size-fits-all might fit the military, but we cannot expect it to fit a majority of Americans unless they are willing to voluntarily put their individuality aside.

Ewing and Kaplan also claim the general public has lost touch with the military. If we want to incorporate military members into the greater society in America, we need to remove the social isolationism of the military, a phenomenon that has been growing since the end of the Civil War and the emphasis away from militias and on a national force. There are a few steps we can take besides forcing citizens into the military.

First, we can remove base housing in America. Make military members our neighbors. Let them talk about their jobs at our BBQ and at kids’ soccer games. This is will not only educate non-military citizens about the military, but also move the sense of community from the base to the neighborhood, where neighbors would be more likely to assist the wife or husband of a deployed neighbor before a unit-mate who is left behind.

Second, we can remove base/post exchanges and other life support facilities. I understand why those facilities are essential overseas. They provide a sense of comfort and security. But in America, they are a hindrance to the society understanding the jobs and functions performed on a military base. Let the troops shop at Wal-Mart, which often times even has greater discounts than the PX/BX.

In a perfect world, the actions of a military should reflect the desires of a populace. The people vote for politicians who represent them. A part of that citizenship decides to join the military to protect the citizenship. The politicians decide, and in some cases vote, to send the military to war. If the people disagree, they can vote out the politicians and vote in people who will end the conflicts.

That is why in a way, I tend towards supporting the idea of removing the military’s ability to vote. The military should not be able to vote on their own future. They are a tool of the citizenry.

Additionally, the over-classification of the military adds to disconnect. Not enough people file Freedom of Information Act requests for the masses to know exactly what goes on with the military they financially support. Of course, there are classified special operations and intelligence actions that might jeopardize national security, but how about unclassified operations? How about opening the books on who does what and how they do it and make it easily available? How about ride-alongs and things that would get kids interested? That’s a public affairs issue. The military needs to get their message out better. Don’t rely on the media. The military needs to create its own perception. Encourage soldier blogs, tweets, and endorsements.

It is not the public’s fault the military is changing. That is the natural evolution of societies. If Americans want to abandon the traditional pro-American cause as the Russian people abandoned the Czar in World War I, that is their choice. Grasping at straws and suggesting those in the military, or those with military affiliations or backgrounds, know best in regards to how the military should be socially constructed is pretentious, elitist, and against all our citizen soldiers should stand for.

With my creation story as inspiration, I thought it only made sense for me to want to marry a Playmate. For almost all of my teenage years, I wanted nothing more than to follow the footsteps of J. Howard Marshall, old dude extraordinaire and brief husband of Playmate of the Year Anna Nicole Smith. I remember my exact thought process was along the lines of, “she can marry me for my money and I’ll marry her for her body. It’s a far trade.”

(In hindsight, to say I was a bit misaligned in my thoughts on a healthy adult relationship would be an understatement. Yet for some reason no one pushed me back in the right direction. Maybe they thought I was joking. Anyway …)

My odd fascination with Playboy continued while I was in the Army. While deployed to Bosnia in 1998, I started a very brief (read: three e-mail) correspondence with Miss October 1994 Jennifer Lavoie. I was so super excited to get an email from a Playmate while a few thousand miles from home. I think I even printed out the emails and hung them over my bunk. Next to making a 35-minute movie about alien invaders, my letter from Jenn Lavoie was the highlight of my Bosnia mission.

Shortly after leaving Bosnia and exiting the Army, I enrolled at FSU. Not knowing a thing about Tallahassee, I signed up to live in the dorms for my first year in college. Being a 22-year old freshman in a dorm full of 18-year olds would have completely sucked if not for meeting two people: my future apartment roommate Zheke Snow and future Playboy Coed of the Week and Road Rules contestant Mary Beth Decker.

While Zheke Snow has little Playboy affiliation that I know off outside of the fact that he dug my poster of December 1993 Playmate Elisa Bridges, Mary Beth and I were friends for her one semester at FSU. She roomed on my floor, we shared Olive Garden, and I also snuck her her first drinks at Potbelly’s bar on our first night in Tallahassee. On that balmy Tallahassee night in August 1999, Mary Beth drove me to Potbelly’s in her Mustang and we talked about Tom Green, Pearl Jam, and how she planned to eventually get a boob job because dresses didn’t fit her small-chested frame.

After only a few months at Florida State, Mary Beth transferred to Texas A&M, where she told me all of her friends from high school went. Lo and behold, in 2003, shortly before I graduated, I saw a familiar face on Playboy.com. Mary Beth had not only gotten her boob job, but changed her hair color from blond to brunette and although she was cute before, her new look made her Playboy model style pretty. A few quick internet searches later, I also found out she was on MTV’s Road Rules and made a name for herself in reality television. I guess because she wasn’t at Florida State for very long, no one in Tallahassee made a big deal of it. But I thought it was cool. We shared cheese sticks.

Playboy girls and I drifted apart after my brief friendship with Mary Beth. In 2004, Playboy made a brief visit to Tallahassee to capture a few pictures for their regular “Girls of ACC” feature. Despite having classes with hundreds, if not thousands of girls at Florida State, I didn’t have any classes with Playboy’s FSU representatives. I did however shop at the local record store where Playboy took several of the girls’ pictures. Sadly, that record store (Vinyl Fever Tallahassee) is no longer open, leaving the Playboy pictorial as one of the few reminders of the place where I could find obscure albums without having to wait five to ten days for delivery.

I went through a bit of a Playboy drought from 2004 to 2010. Although I interviewed one-time-Playboy model-now-porn star Angela McLin on my old site, blogged about one-time Playmate of the Year Carmella DeCesare’s local charity bowling event, and even saw CJ Gibson, sister of December 2005 Playmate Raquel Gibson, at a Tampa beach bar, I didn’t meet, talk to, or make acquaintance with any Playboy models in the flesh.

My Playboy drought finally ended in February 2011 when I met cover girl and then-Tampa Breeze Lingerie Football Player Mikayla Wingle. While working as Social Media Adviser and Special Projects Coordinator for All-Stars Wrestling, I learned the Girls of the LFL were going to be featured in Playboy. After discovering who the Tampa Breeze girl was and finding her contact info, I coordinated for Mikayla to visit All-Stars Wrestling, sign autographs, and even cameo on the local shock jock drive-time radio show.

After exchanging emails and tweets with Mikayla for a few weeks, we finally met at the radio station prior to her going on the air. While we sat in the green room – which by the way wasn’t green – we hit it off and even kinda became quick friends. Mikayla made her appearance on the radio show and then re-met with me and we headed off to the wrestling event. While there, we took some awesome pictures and watched the show, making jokes, cheering, and booing the wrestlers along the way.

Before she left, Mikayla told me she worked at a bar in a Tampa suburb and invited me out to visit whenever she was on shift. After her visit to ASW, I visited her bar once a month to say hello, grab a beer, and catch up on her blossoming modelling and appearance career.

About a month ago, I learned Mikayla was following in the footsteps of my previous Playboy pal Mary Beth Decker and making an appearance on reality TV. But Mikayla wasn’t going to be on a seldom-watched obscure MTV show, she was going for the gusto and appearing on the one of the granddaddies of reality shows, Survivor. So far, she is doing well. Several weeks into the season she is still on the island, making more friends than enemies, and gaining fans and followers by the bushel.

Sometimes it’s weird meeting people who have been in Playboy. I know it’s a great career milestone for models, but as I get older it becomes less exciting of an accomplishment. Although I am proud of them, especially if I know them personally, I am no longer that teenager who wanted nothing more than to marry a Playmate.

These days, I’m not the type of person who will pose with a woman in a one-off meeting (unless it’s Reese Witherspoon, then all bets are off). However, if she is a fun person with a kick-ass sense of humor and she is wholly enamored by the power of the afro then you can bet your sweet bunny ears we will be taking plenty of pics.

And, if by chance, she ends up on a reality TV show, you can also guarantee I’ll be tuning in to support my friend on there as well.

Since this blog has gone in a million different directions lately, I figured I might as well go somewhat political or military-strategic with it today.

In the last few years hackers have caused almost as commotion and aggravation to governments and businesses as terrorists. I’m sure there are people out there that would label them “cyber terrorists”. Two of the premier hacker groups are the associations Anonymous and LulzSec. Both of these groups aim to debilitate the powers that be that they feel are taking advantage of the little guy. They are sticking it to The Man as they see fit.

More power to them.

But my question is, are there any rappers who name-check them yet? Rappers are big in name-checking African rebels, Muslim terrorists, domestic terrorists, freedom fighters, and other folks who fight the power. But do they ever mention either of the two groups who are causing the most ruckus? I’m sure there is a lot you can rhyme with Anonymous or LulzSec.

Second thought:

I was reading an article on a conspiracy web site that talked about how a terrorist attack at Disney World could severely destroy what remains of Florida’s economy. According to the counterterrorism analyst, if the tourism goes, so does Florida’s economy. Makes sense to me.

But I have always thought terrorists could take a Disney attack to the next level. Why stop at Disney World? Why not attack Tokyo Disney, Euro Disney, and Disney Land as well? If a group of suicide bombers synchronized their watches and exploded bombs at the main entrance of each Disney park at the same time, it could send ripples through the global tourism industry. Granted at least one bomber wouldn’t claim any victims as the parks would be closed, but I don’t think that’s not the point of most terrorism.

If the point is to show global reach and the ability to scare people from doing what they would normally not be scared to do I think an attack on each Disney main entrance at the same time would do that.

Disclaimer: I like my blog. I like writing on it. I am not advocating or supporting the actions of any group mentioned in this post. Nor am I advocating any violence. I own Disney stock, why would I not want people to go there? What I am doing to expanding on issues that are in the news and brainstorming a little.

Although I didn’t exactly hit the real world until three years later, after two years of grad school sandwiched by six months of unemployment on each side, there is a certain innocence to this, my final article written as an undergraduate student for the FSView and Florida Flambeau.

(Ed. note: I would also write for the paper during that summer and write a companion piece to this article that I’ll post on it’s 8th year anniversary.)

Enjoy.

During my college career at Florida State University, I would estimate I visited about 90 percent of all the popular college bars and clubs in town. Bullwinkle’s, Sloppy Joe’s, Chubby’s, the Irish Pub and the Leon Pub – you name it, I’ve probably been there at least once. Even with all the good times and the large amount of money spent, none of these establishments ever served me a stronger shot than the one I was given at the Leon County Civic Center on May 2nd, 2003.

That night, as I crossed the graduation stage, flipped my tassel and shook President Wetherell’s hand, I was given a “dose of reality.” It is one tough drink to swallow.

True, I knew I wasn’t going to find a job immediately after the semester, but not counting my position here at the FSView & Florida Flambeau, I am now unemployed. Unemployment office, here I come.

Even though it has only been three weeks since I graduated, I feel more and more like Matthew McConaughey’s character in the movie “Dazed and Confused.” You know, the guy who is still hanging around, saying dumb things and acting like he is still in high school. Yeah, that’s me, only on a college level.

Almost overnight, the bars and clubs I used to frequent became “my old college hangouts.” I hope I still resemble a college student in some way, shape or form. I have an eerie fear of being seen as one of those obviously out-of-place older people trying to get their boogie on at Big Daddy’s or Bullwinkle’s. You know who they are.

Like the places I go, most of the people I know have also changed recently. They are all now just “college kids” who don’t know what its like in “the real world.” It’s tough. Trust me. I haven’t got up earlier than 11 a.m. in three weeks.

The next time I hear one of these “college kids” say, “I can’t wait until I graduate.” I am going to quickly grab their cheeks like Adam Sandler did to the chubby third grader in Billy Madison and dole out the same dire warning – “Don’t ever say that.”

There is a lot I am going to miss about college. Studying all night, for example. Nothing beat walking into a classroom after having two hours of sleep the night before, knowing the test I was about to take was 50 percent of my grade.

Now before anyone labels me a procrastinator, keep in mind I was the victim of a vast conspiracy while here at Florida State. Before every semester, my professors, despite being complete strangers from often different departments, would met over coffee and schedule all my tests and papers for the same week. I know it’s true.

Despite my professors’ dubious plans, I managed to graduate with a 3.5 G.P.A. Pretty good, considering my high school G.P.A. was only 2.6. I haven’t met anyone yet with such a large increase. I guess that’s something to be proud of.

But my proudest accomplishment during my time at Florida State University has nothing to do with grades. Thanks to the help and support of many people, including President Wetherell, my idea of erecting a flagpole with an American flag and a POW/MIA flag at the Scott Speicher Tennis Center came to fruition. Although it doesn’t contribute directly to the effort of finding the missing Navy pilot and FSU alum, hopefully this flagpole and the flags it bears will remind people of the plight of Lt. Cmdr. Speicher and the many other service members whose whereabouts are unknown.

Thank you again to all that helped and supported me.

Specifically, in the prequels, we are told Stormtroopers are legions of clones created from the father of Boba Fett. Then, in the original trilogy, we are to believe they are humans recruited in support of the Galactic Empire.

So what happened?

Off to the all-knowing Wookiepedia!

Due to the fact that the most effective clones grown through Kaminoan technology took roughly ten years to reach fighting age, and though the fastest cloning techniques only took a minimum of one year but produced significantly inferior clones, the Empire was forced to rely on the patriotism and training of recruits rather than the programmed loyalty and unparalleled fighting ability of clones. This was partially overcome by a brutal training regimen that emphasized the stormtroopers’ lack of individuality and total dedication to the ideals of the Galactic Empire.

Ok. But now to the crux of the issue: did they get along? Was there dissension in the ranks when they started bring in humans? Was there a cultural conflict?

Wookiepedia says some of the veteran clones didn’t think too highly of their independent-minded human comrades.

By the time the Galactic Civil War began in earnest, Jango Fett’s clones were heavily supplemented by clones based on a variety of templates around 9 BBY, followed shortly after by enlisted Humans. Thus, the Fett clones were ironically reduced to a minority status after years of virtually filling the stormtrooper ranks in its entirety. According to a stormtrooper’s entry log in the 501st Journal, none of the Fett clones were ever truly able to come to terms with serving alongside recruits and different clones, all of whom were disdainfully dubbed as the “new guys.” … Cody viewed enlisted troopers as incompetent idiots, all of which he would have gladly sacrificed for just one real clone trooper.

Thank you, Wookiepedia. It’s not quite Samuel Huntington’s The Soldier and the State, but it answered my question.

My very geeky Star Wars question.

(Has it really been nearly 3.5 years since I did one of these? Jeez.)

Did you know there is a Ukrainian multi-gabillionaire planning to buy several major US music companies? First, he is going to buy Warner Music Group, then he rumored to buy EMI. Soon they will be writing GZA’s Labels in Russian.

Also on that international news tip, Iran recently won the World Tae Kwon Do championship. They were the first county outside of South Korea to win it. Who knew they did Tae Kwon Do in Iran? I wonder how many North Koreans were on the team. You know they are friends and all, right? The Axis of Evil rides strong.

Speaking of our enemies, Wired.com introduces us to a scholarly piece on the social impacts of warfighting. No longer will wars be played out on battlefields. Instead military actions will be used to sway hearts and minds. No kidding. This has been the case ever since the day we stopped fighting for land and started letting our economic interests guide our military actions. What else is new?

Talking about wars and government actions is one of the favorite things of rapper and social commenter Immortal Technique. He writes about Bin Laden here. He lays down some interesting facts and things to be concerned about.

On the subject of international concern, now that Big Osama is gone, the Chinese are starting to act a little askew over what they think might be the next US target of interest. Hint: General Tso can’t save them this time.

Speaking of Chinese throwdowns, way back in the day, they used to fight wars for opium. Now they build museums for the natural drug. Just remember not to eat poppy bread before a drug test. It will cost you your job.

Here is a much more local war – at least to me. A Tampa man is in a battle with his Home Owners Association of his subtle display of fandom in his front yard. That’s the work of The Man if I have ever seen it.

One day The Man might not only control our ability to express ourselves, but also to sing and dance. This cartoon shows a glimpse of how terrible that future would be.

But for now, The Man has to settle for buying music companies. Which brings us back to …