May I call you Jimmy? I saw a guest on your show call you Jimmy. But I am not a guest. I am a resident. A resident of Tampa, Florida. And additionally, I am also a comic and writer here in Tampa. I’ve performed at the Tampa Improv a few times. Sure they were showcase shows and open mics, but you have to start somewhere, right?

And that brings me to why I am writing. I recently read that you had some not so nice things to say about the city I call home. Twenty years ago, you were kinda sorta right where I am now, a nobody in the grand scheme of entertainment trying to claw and scratch your way up at whatever venue or venture would take you. In your case, it was the Q-105 radio show. For me, it is comedy open mics, sports blogging, and freelance music writing.

So what’s with the Tampa hate, man?

Sure, you are a big time talk show host and a celebrity with tons of credits and acclaim, but that’s no reason to piss on your roots. There are many other comics and entertainers here trying to entertain and make people laugh, some of whom actually like living in Tampa or even claim Tampa in their biographies. Many would love to be in your shoes one day.

What you said about Tampa hurt, Jimmy. It hurt my heart. It hurt my soul. It hurt some places only the strippers in Tampa can make better.

Like you, I’ve had some bad times here in Tampa. I had my car broke into, I’ve had friends assaulted, I’ve lost two jobs. I even got food poisoning. But you know what, I still like it here. And if I ever make it big, I’m not going to bad mouth a city over a few bad experiences.

That said, Jimmy, I would like to extend an invitation to you to come back to Tampa and check out what we have going on and maybe tell us how we can be better. I’d like to see you help, not hurt, Jimmy. Unfortunately, however, I will not be in town for the next year. The economy here is so bad for people with my skill set that after almost a year of being unemployed, I had to find a job in Afghanistan. So I’ll be there.

But, in closing, Jimmy, if I could call you Jimmy, I wish you the best with your show and I hope someone else makes it from Tampa, someone who is a little nicer to their humble beginnings. Like my great-granddaddy once said, you can’t grow a good mullet if you pull out all your roots.

Best,

Mike Lortz

1) Fellow local blogger David Davisson released his book Re/Creating Tampa: 101 Ideas for a Better City in November. This book, as stated, discusses David’s ideas on how Tampa can be better.

Free PDF download

Ebook format $1.99

Paperback $10.00

2) Long time e-friend Dale Lotreck released his first e-book last week, RUBY LEAVING TEXAS. According to Amazon, RUBY LEAVING TEXAS

“is a tale of sex, drugs, love, lies, incest, deceit, a life misspent, and the potential for violence. It is the story…”the truth the way I see it”…of a Whiteboy from Connecticut who ends up in New York City in the 1980s, doing what he is told not to, becoming an artist, a prolific graffiti artist and social vandal.”

Sounds really interesting.

E-book version $4.99

3) Lastly, comedian Artie Fletcher (who taught my comedy course) released his first book this week, Comedy on the Road as Seen Through a Comic’s Bloodshot Eyes. Artie’s book discusses his career in entertainment to include the highs and lows and the tolls it has taken on his family life.

And by the way, I asked Artie about his book in my latest article for the Tampa Bay Times.

Paperback $19.95

E-book $9.99

Please check out these books. Thanks!

After a short stay at the Channelside Marriot, Lord Vader marched his troops along the Tampa Riverwalk to the cheers and applause of many Tampa residents.

Accompanying the Imperial contingent was the Real Tampa Ghostbusters. They were called in by the Empire as a special detachment because hiring an intergalactic paranormal specialist was too expensive for an Empire still reeling from the wasted cost of two Death Stars. So the Empire went local.

Although I refused to talk to any Imperial Officers (#occupyCoruscant), I did speak briefly with the Ghostbusters. Before we talked however, they checked the ‘fro for ghouls using their EKG meter.

(For more videos of the march, check out this youtube channel.)

Best apartment complex: my apartment complex

(I’m not going to tell you where I live, duh.)

Best baseball blog: Rays Index

(I write there twice a month or so.)

Best local blogger runner-up: Clark Brooks

(Remember when I cameo’ed on Clark’s blog?)

Best local comedian runner-up: Eric Prae

(I opened for Eric in Lakeland and Ocala, took a comedy class with him, and also wrote on his blog.)

So congrats to all the winners. It’s great associating with such greatness. Maybe next  year I’ll have a loafie to call my own.

Anyway, here are a few links worth checking out . The post title might seem a little strange, but I promise it will make sense.

As I mentioned a few days ago, Star Wars has been taking over Major League Baseball ballparks across the country this month. A few days ago in a state far, far away, they invaded Shea Stadium Citi Field, home of the Mets. Jason Fry, one of the writers from Fear and Faith in Flushing, one of my favorite baseball websites, dressed up as a stormtrooper and joined the festivities. Check out his account of the day.

Over at National Geographic there is a neat article on overconfidence, what causes it and why we are prone to exhibit it on occasion. In the last few months, a few people have called me arrogant and other not-so-flattering things. That’s not true. I may have my tendencies to think a bit too highly of my abilities, but as Nat Geo points out, that’s human.

I don’t normally read Andrew Sullivan. I think I’ve heard he is a prominent blogger or something. But I couldn’t resist checking out this post on the decline of meth use and the rise of marijuana use in the US. If I was going to invest in illegal narcotics on my block, in my town, or in my state, I think it would be time to dump the meth lab equipment and put my money in hydroponics.

Speaking of local, one of my neighbors is an aspiring rapper. His name is M-16 and he recently put an new song on youtube. Check it out.

After having over 3 CDs worth of ideas, Hooper narrows his selections down to 30. There’s some Elvis, some Skynyrd, some Michael Jackson, and many others.

But in my opinion, however, his list leaves a bit to be desired. It’s not bad, but I think it could be better.

Here are a few changes I would make:

1) First of all, Hooper has zero blues songs on his list. That is unacceptable. He has a lot of soul and Motown, but nothing directly influenced by the Mississippi Delta. Since Hooper starts his list in the mid-1950s, that eliminates a lot of the classics, from Robert Johnson to BB King’s The Thrill is Gone (1951). But since there is also no Jimi Hendrix (perhaps Hooper considered him a “British act”), I would include Red House. If possible, I might also add a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune.

To make way for Jimi, let’s remove Saturday in the Park by Chicago.

2) Hooper’s hip-hop selections are off. He lists The Message by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, which is great, but then he lists Dear Mama by 2Pac and Lose Yourself by Eminem. I would delete both of those and replace them with Fight For Your Right by the Beastie Boys and Nuthin’ but a G Thang by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.

The reasoning there is that Nuthin But a G Thang is perhaps the best West Coast rap song and it talks about the scene, where as 2Pac only talks about his family relationships. The Beastie Boys need to be on there as they were one of the biggest links between rock and rap and it was they, moreso than Run DMC, who made hip-hop acceptable to white audiences, without of which it would not be what it is today. And Fight For Your Right is a great party tune.

There is also a huge need for Public Enemy on this list, especially since he lists Marvin Gaye’s What’s Goin On and Sam Cooke’s A Change is Gonna Come. I would add Fight the Power. Let’s remove Don’t Stop Believing by Journey.

3) Hooper also misses out on heavy metal. Nirvana is as heavy as he gets and Bon Jovi is the only hair band on the list. Keeping Bon Jovi as the 80s hair representative and Nirvana as the model grunge band, I would add a Metallica tune, since they typify American Metal probably more than any other band. As for which Metallica tune, I would go with Master of Puppets. Not only is it one of Metallica’s best, but it also addresses the social issue of drugs, which doesn’t get talked about much in Hooper’s list.

To make room for Metallica, I’d take out I Want You Back by The Jackson 5. Hooper already has Michael Jackson on the list, so there is no need for Tito and the rest of the gang.

4) There is a definite lack of punk rock on Hooper’s list. I’m no punk expert, so I’ll leave that to others who might be, but at least a song or two from that genre needs to be on the list.

So I added five songs, with a chance to add more with punk input. That means I kept 25, which I definitely have to give Hooper credit for. His list might not be perfect, but it is a great start.

While I was there I was interviewed by local reporter Todd Grasley. I’m at the 2:14 mark.

(Has it really been nearly 3.5 years since I did one of these? Jeez.)

Did you know there is a Ukrainian multi-gabillionaire planning to buy several major US music companies? First, he is going to buy Warner Music Group, then he rumored to buy EMI. Soon they will be writing GZA’s Labels in Russian.

Also on that international news tip, Iran recently won the World Tae Kwon Do championship. They were the first county outside of South Korea to win it. Who knew they did Tae Kwon Do in Iran? I wonder how many North Koreans were on the team. You know they are friends and all, right? The Axis of Evil rides strong.

Speaking of our enemies, Wired.com introduces us to a scholarly piece on the social impacts of warfighting. No longer will wars be played out on battlefields. Instead military actions will be used to sway hearts and minds. No kidding. This has been the case ever since the day we stopped fighting for land and started letting our economic interests guide our military actions. What else is new?

Talking about wars and government actions is one of the favorite things of rapper and social commenter Immortal Technique. He writes about Bin Laden here. He lays down some interesting facts and things to be concerned about.

On the subject of international concern, now that Big Osama is gone, the Chinese are starting to act a little askew over what they think might be the next US target of interest. Hint: General Tso can’t save them this time.

Speaking of Chinese throwdowns, way back in the day, they used to fight wars for opium. Now they build museums for the natural drug. Just remember not to eat poppy bread before a drug test. It will cost you your job.

Here is a much more local war – at least to me. A Tampa man is in a battle with his Home Owners Association of his subtle display of fandom in his front yard. That’s the work of The Man if I have ever seen it.

One day The Man might not only control our ability to express ourselves, but also to sing and dance. This cartoon shows a glimpse of how terrible that future would be.

But for now, The Man has to settle for buying music companies. Which brings us back to …

In case you are wondering what it is I am dancing to before the music starts, to quote George Carlin, “Those who dance are considered insane by those who can’t hear the music”. So there.

As I summarized on YouTube:

“My trip to Tropicana Field for the Tampa Bay Rays home opener on April 1, 2011. I like to think this video fully captures the essence and environment of the Rays faithful both before and after the game. Special appearances by Tug Haines, Santa Rays, Chris Harris, the fiddler, Ferg’s Sports Bar, lots of folks with crazy hair, the guy who gave me a beer, and hundreds of Rays fans.”